Defiant child and pansy teacher.

lauren_1

melancholly wrote: »

i think the general consensus is that the anger is counter-productive...

would you not be angry if it was happening to you?

puddy

lauren_1 wrote: »

The passed history of the case is that SS have discounted everything that has been reported, its just a never ending cycle of false allegations, apart from having to force her to school, that true, otherwise she would never get there. And then I would be in trouble.

this is another thing i have heard ad infinitum over my career, that social services have found me NOT GUILTY

social services will have investigated a 'report' of a child either in distress or with bruising or having problems which impact or could impact on their welfare. the investigation either determines there is a problem and then tries to look at what to do with it. just because they take something no further it does not mean that all is well. sometimes, and more so in this climate, it means the child is bubbling under the threshold, school can deal with it, mother doesnt want to engage or access services, case closed.

im afraid, without any evidence at all, i suspect that is what is happening here.

euronorris

puddy wrote: »

what do you mean, parenting courses didnt 'highlight' anything? they are not put in place to catch you out, they are put in place to help you learn something new, the fact that you so easily dismiss their benefit tells me you are the defiant one, not your daughter

And kids do nothing better than imitate their parents behaviour.

OP - please stop focusing on yourself, and how it makes you feel, and start concentrating on your daughter, how she feels and what she needs in order to get her homework done, get to school on time, and feel comfortable during lessons.

If all that happens, the teacher won't have anything else to report, will she? So doing the above would solve that problem too.

jolfc

I work in a primary school as a cook, even I have had to do a safeguarding children course and if I notice anything of concern from marks on a child to them being withdrawn and quiet if they have not been in the past I have to report it to my headteacher who then informs ss. To me this can only be a good thing as so many highlighted cases in the news of late have ended in tragedy as people have not intervened when maybe they should, so I am sure op that the reason that the school did involve ss was it is part of safeguarding children and if it was me I would not have a problem with it. I hope I have not offended you op with my post and hopefully you can work with the school to get to the bottom of the problem and sort it out.

lauren_1

If i didnt want to deal with it why would I have been taking her back and forth to every specialist under the sun since she was 3?

Idiophreak

lauren_1 wrote: »

I am amazed that no one can tell i am feeling quite angry at this but stop to ask me if I have been tested for aspergers.

You are angry - I just can't quite work out why...

The receptionist saw you manhandling your child - they reported it to SS. SS investigated.

Your child turned up to school with bruises all over their legs - they reported it to SS. SS investigated.

Your child turned up to school with a split lip...guess what happened.

There's definitely a cycle here - people doing their jobs, you taking it personally, getting defensive and probably making things a whole lot worse...

puddy

my sister was in her early 30s when she was diagnosed with aspergers. she has a degree and is in a well paid job. your job and educational ability means nothing.

plenty of well educated people also cant parent very well

melancholly

lauren_1 wrote: »

would you not be angry if it was happening to you?

i honestly wouldn't have let it get to this situation.... you don't need to cope with this on your own and you should be trying to work out what you and the school can do together. i'd be annoyed if someone reported me to SS but it would also make me have a long hard look at what i was doing/how i was coping. at some point it's time to stop making the blame external and to realise what you're doing isn't helping the situation.

this isn't about how you feel; it's about how to best support your daughter.

ladymarmalade1970

Am not being nasty but she could have got it from you or your partner. I think ADHD in particular is a personality type.
My son most definitley got his ADHD from me and i was terrible as a child. Put my parents through absolute hell however it helps me to understand him now. I was in hospital so much as a child my parents had SS round as they thought i was being abused. We didn't have labels then (I am 40) so i was just the naughtly kid that was always stood outside the classroom because i distracted the class and the teachers couldn't cope with me.

Have you looked into the symptoms that you say your daughter has such as defiantness etc? Can you see similarities in yourself? I ask because if you can and you can remember how you used to feel you can use this to your advantage with her. For example, when i was a child if i didn't like someone i would be a complete cow to them but if i liked someone i would go to the ends of the earth for them. I have a very good relationship with all my sons teachers and tell them things like this. They have been told not to mention ADHD because my son would use this to his advantage. He is actually very bright. We all work together with him and i am proud to say he is doing rather well. Well, above average in his maths and average in everything else which i think is good considering he finds it practically impossible to do stuff he doesn't like.

If you can see similarities in your daughters behaviour it would help you to understand. If not you then maybe her dad?? Was he a "difficult" child???

emsywoo123

lauren_1 wrote: »

would you not be angry if it was happening to you?

No, I would be gutted that it had got to that situation. Embarrassed, worried, concerned yes. angry, no.