Defiant child and pansy teacher.

SingleSue

This thread has brought back the memories of me, the head teacher, the one to one and the receptionist all standing in the car park chatting while youngest was refusing to enter the school.....on countless mornings.

We didn't chase, we didn't pick up and carry (although they were tried initially by all concerned), we just ignored him and chatted away...he would eventually get bored and ask for a drink and hey presto, drink inside school, youngest son in school, although this process could take upwards of an hour.

We finally worked out what the problem was though, he found coping with all the children in the playground too much and made him freak out. The solution? Dropping him off at school and into the care of the head master 30 minutes before anyone else arrived.

Such a simple measure but one which salvaged everyone's sanity...and one which also showed the school just what youngest could do as he related very well to the headmaster and would open the shutters and reveal his knowledge, making the head all the more determined to keep him in main stream school.

OP - I find displaying anger counter productive in parenting, even if the anger is not directed at the child and especially if the child has any kind of differing need. A calm and measured approach is far better as is proactive parenting rather than reactive parenting (i.e, planning what is going to happen, having rules which they know about in advance instead of just shouting at the child and vague threats with no set boundaries), not sure if you do this already but it may be worth a try...although it is not easy in the early stages to do.

Ponkle22

Please stop getting 'personal' with the OP. It isn't pleasant reading, whether you agree with the OP or not. She asked for advice on her situation, not Judge and Jury character and personality assasination.

kafkathecat

Please people, why attack someone who has come here for advice? If you don't believe it don't answer. The OP, rightly or not, is feeling attacked and vulnerable at home at the moment and has come here and got more of the same. There is some fantastic advice in this thread which may not be taken on board because other posts have been overly critical. I hope when she is feeling calmer the OP will read and follow the advice from Kiki, and others.
Lauren, Try to get hold of Aspergirls or other books specifically about Aspergers and girls as girls show differently to boys. Try the Aspergers thread, you may get more understanding there. Without wanting to oversimplify, people with Aspergers are often very intelligent but struggle with anxiety and social situations which can make them react very strongly to some things.
When I am stressed I often find I need to have a rant (usually just to myself) before I can see things clearly and deal with them, Maybe the OP was just doing that here.

bestpud

For whatever reason, communication has broken down between you and the school, OP, and that won't help anyone.

You seem to feel victimised and, dare I suggest, you feel resentful towards your dd? I can understand that if you blame her for causing all these problems in your life.

What makes you think her behaviour is 50% manipulative? Dont your other children ever act up? All mine did/do!

I wonder why the HV is monitoring your youngest child - what is his/her behaviour like? You say you have a son who is a model pupil. Do you find your youngest a challenge too?

I also find it odd you say a parenting course revealed nothing....? Did you go there saying you are a perfect parent and refuse to budge from that stance? I ask as I don't know of any parent who hasn't gained something from a parenting course, however small. I guess you just saw it as a test so clammed up...?

Also, I'm surprised your friends aren't aware of your dd's behaviour issues, in which case the teacher would be revealing nothing new (although she didn't pick the best time!) Do you feel ashamed and so try to keep it all hidden? Other parents can be a source of support too.

You need to find a way of overcoming the barriers you have put up, as it is causing untold distress for you all.

I wonder if it would help you to have some counselling? Maybe there is an underlying issue that is triggered by your daughter's behaviour? Maybe it will just help to have some time out and be able to speak
freely, without fear of judgement?

I feel for you, as you seem stuck in a horrible cycle, but I also feel terribly for your dd. It's clear to me you are both having a tough time and resentment and anger is driving a wedge between you.

Without wanting to judge, I have to agree you are very wrapped up in your own feelings and I think an outlet such as counselling may help?

What do you think?

bestpud

Have to say I've just read through some of your old posts and I'm wondering if your home situation is worrying social services.

Are you still living with the dope smoking OH who constantly talks to other women and loses JSA for you all by failing to turn up to appointments on time?

And he's also a heavy smoker so any JSA he does manage to get is spent on that, no doubt.

Your house is so smelly your neighbour has complained, so you stank out the garden with a joint, among other things, to wind her up when she had friends over! :eek:

I think I now understand why they are monitoring your youngest child. :eek:

Mankysteve

puddy wrote: »

its quite an achievement though, from the age of 18 to 29, to have qualified as a nurse, got a degree and a pgce AND had 3 kids

My other half mum managed it and she was single mum after dealing with the suicide of there father.


Op it might be wise idea to start a new thread about how to get help for your daughter and let this thread die a natural death.