New mum and so lonely....

skintchick

Oh gosh sweetheart please do get some help. You are so down right now you cannot think straight, medication will help with tat and then you can talk to someone and work through things.

Having a baby is such a shock - no-one prepares you for hwo life-changing it is and how isoltaing it can be.

I had to get out of the house every day all day in order to cope - I'd drift from cafe to cafe, to park, to cafe all day till 5pm then I'd go home and feed DD until OH came home (obviously I fed her in the day too!).

I was high risk for PND because of my history of depression, but actually wasn;t diagnosed, although tlooking back I definitely did have it a bit, but not very bad. You sounds very bad, hon, and although it is so so hard to make those first steps, you need to reach out a little and tell people how bad you are feeling.

I know how hard that is - I have just done the Goldberg depression test tonight (Google it) and am coming out as moderately to severely depressed, but no-one knows how bad I'm feeling.

It is hard to tell someone but please, please do. You can be helped and you will feel normal again.

Please try and eat, while your body will use up your resources first in order to feed baby, if all you are having is tea and water there isn;t enough in your body long-term to provide your baby with nutrition. Even if it's just some toast and peanut butter and some fruit, please try and eat a little.

Is there a breastfeeding drop-in near you that you could go to? Check for one near you here http://www.breastfeedingnetwork.org.uk/support-centres.html#map I am a Helper at mine and we are happy to have women come along and cry on our shoulders - it's not just about the feeding, it's about support for you as a mum.

IT would be a start, and they could help you work out some next steps.

Mad-Frog

Oh Hushpuppie I really feel for you, in earlier posts you mentioned how shy you feel I know it is difficult to talk about things to doctors sometimes could you print the post off about self harm and show that to your doctor, maybe you could print off the thread and show it to your husband?

Please ask for help, regarding your friends no longer contacting you I found that happened to me when I moved around when younger pre Internet days, could you email or ring someone I bet they would jump to support you if they knew what you were going through

I suspect your husband will too and I bet he knows something is very wrong please shown him this thread if you can't talk to him x

*Ro*

Hushpuppie -

Sending you the biggest virtual (((hug))).

I am sorry that this depression is making you so sad and that you cant see how much of an important wonderful person you are.

Your husband and your baby love you very much and will want you to get better.

I understand what you are saying about your problems, you have a lot to deal with and for that reason you do need help.

I am sorry that you lost your mother young, my hubby lost his father at the same age and I can see that this affects him now as I am currently pregnant with our first.

I understand that you feel that you cannot talk to hubby but I think you understand that he already knows that something is wrong.
He loves you and will want to help you get better.

Could you write him a brief letter outlining what is happening and truthfully how you are feeling, that you need help but you feel uncomfortable admitting how you feel, you must tell him about the self harm and not eating too?

If you cannot could you ring one of your old friends, I know they would try and help in anyway they could if they knew how low you were feeling?

Here is the samritans link, there are lots of ways to get in touch
http://www.samaritans.org/talk_to_someone/find_my_local_branch/a-z_of_branches.aspx

Alternatively go back to your GP.

I hope that you are brave and ask for help now and wishing you all the best

Love

Ro xx


Hushpuppie - this link may help and there are some contacts at the bottom as well

http://www.babycentre.co.uk/baby/youafterthebirth/pnd/

FBaby

Hon, you are so in the grip of depression, I've been there and was exactly like you, hitting my head and starving myself. I know it might feel like you are somewhere far far from your normal safe, but trust me, it trully wouldn't take much to get yourself back to the person you really are.

Firstly, if there is one thing you need to really force yourself to do, just one thing, take the time to prepare yourself for it if you need it, but you MUST go to your doctor. There are many anti-depressants and they all work differently and will have different side-effects (a bit like the pill). The fact that two didn't work for you doesn't mean that there isn't one that will. Secondly, you need to insist on getting counselling urgently.

Secondly, you need to find it in yourself to fight all what your depression is making you do in a destructive manner. You feel like hitting your head, find that stubburn streak in you and tell yourself no. Same with eating, you will find that this stubborness will give you some surprising strength that will carry out with other things. You need to somehow force yourself to go out. Not now, with the holidays and all, but in the New Year. I hope that you have decent plans for the holidays. Will you be going back to your family? I really hope so for you, you need some love around you. Take that time, with others looking after your baby to set yourself a plan for next year.

I too moved to a new place, with no friend, no family and a partner who worked 2 hours away so hardly around and it was tough. My baby, 6 months at the time suffered from really back colic still and cried all night long. She only wanted me for comfort. I was utterly exhausted all the time and very close to depression myself. Nobody understood because they slept fine at night... Of course the doctor who didn't know me thought I was a hyperchondriac mine and blamed me for her condition. It is not until she was 14 months old, when I'd done a diary that I finally realised there was a link between her taking on fibre and her cries. I changed her diet, demanded a medication to help with her stomach and thank god it was all over.

What helped during that time was forcing myself to go out. I didn't know anyone at all, didn't dare going to babygroups, felt to self conscious, but I was on a mission to find a job, so organised my day around this, went to town every day to go to the library (didn't have internet at the time), but the newspaper, etc... it gave me a mission to focus on. I was offered a job when she was 9 months old. It was tough as it was over an hour away, and didn't help to make friends locally. I did start making friends at work (over months), but was too tired to travel their way during the week-end. Still, I finally stopped suffering from that feeling of isolation. My social life really started when my DD stated nursery locally. A few smiles every mornings and evenings, then a hello, then the start of birthday parties and talking, and suddenly I was making proper friends. It changed my life and my spirit was totally lifted.

Don't blame your partner. Living with someone suffering from depression when you have never suffered from it yourself is mystifying, scary and frustrating. It makes you feel completely helpless. Your partner probably feels like he doesn't recognise you and worries that you won't ever be back the woman he falls in love with. The best thing to do is to stop expecting him to make you feel better, he probably wants to but has no idea how to go about it and scared to make things worse. Concentrate on yourself, getting help from your GP and counselling, design yourself a plan, however small it is to start with, anything to get you out of the vicious circle you've fallen into.

I suffered this kind of depression in my early 20s, thought I would never feel better but I did and I got out of it so much stronger. Since then, I've recognised the sign of it hunting me. When this happens, I know that I have to battle against my instinct, that is force myself to do the opposite of what I feel like doing. So far, it's worked everytime in that given a few days, it goes away.

Good luck hun, but please please please, do go and see your GP again xx

red_devil

you can talk on this forum its friendly. https://www.homemakers.forumotion.co.uk and is specificaly for people at home or people who work but want to be at home and want help and advice to consider it.

red_devil

its now on facebook and its https://www.facebook.com/groups/HOUSEANDHOME/

we are a busy and friendly group and welcome anyone who wants to chat who is at home. You can also arrange your own meet ups.

please request to join.

System

I was never one for mother and toddler groups i must say but each to their own.

I would suggest you go back to see your doctor. Theres more than one type of anti depressant you know. Ive tried many over the last 16 years and i am finally settled on one that hasnt altered my sex drive but it took many different types to get to that stage.