New mum and so lonely....

Greenbix

You should not be coping with all of this by yourself. There is no shame in asking for professional help. Cognitive therapy or asking someone for help with the baby could be an option.

Counting_Pennies_2

Please do let us know how you are now you are at the end of the week?

Have you opened up to your OH? Have you started to make plans for help.

Do hope you are ok

x

Sublime_2

Hope things get better for you soon. I moved to a new place when my daughter was born. I love my own company, but know how cliquey some of these toddler groups can appear.

I didn't worry about making friends, just wanted my child to have fun. I eventually got to know more people, although by choice never socialized.

Hushpuppie_2

Im pretty much feeling the same , but on a good note someone is coming out to see me about a childrens centre this week , I didnt ask but a letter arrived to tell me its a new centre opening and since im a new mum one of the centre's organisers will pop by to have a chat and see if im interested.

As Sublime said in above post im worried more for my baby I want her to interact with other children before she goes to school I dont want her to miss out, as long as she benefits from going to a play shceme im happy with that, and if another mum chats to me then that will be a bonus, all I have to do now is find the courage to enter the childrens centre I hope the lady whos coming to see me about it spurs me on

wish me luck..

CH27

Good luck & remember everyone else will be nervous too.

rik1978

Hi there,

I have read your message and the replies and so much of what you and others have said mirrors my experience of motherhood.
I moved down south for my OH's job 5 years ago from the midlands where I had lived for 10 years whilst studying, I work 30 miles from where we live and so althoughI get on well with people I work with I never saw them socially outside of work.

When I had my dd in October I felt overwhelmed, lonely and totally isolated, mine and my OH family live 2 1/2 hrs away. I was like freebiequeenie, planning my day at home into blocks of time until my OH got home from work - it was no way to live, I was miserable and felt like I was wishing my dd's life away and my poor OH would come home to a very upset and depressed wife and a tired baby, although he is incredibly supportive it must have been really hard on him.
I had PND but for me medication was not the answer because of my personal experience of having my mother on medication and being depressed for the whole of my childhood. I knew that getting out of the house would help but like you was incredibly shy and the thought of going into a room full of new people filled me with dread, I just couldn't do it. When my dd was 12 weeks old I knew something had to change, because of my own childhood I knew I had to get better for her and with the support of my HV I 'bit the bullet' and went to a feeding group at my local surestart centre, I was combination feeding and was still struggling with the bf'ing so that was my incentive to go - to get some advice from other mums. I didn't get to know anyone for a few weeks but just getting out of the house for 1 1/2hrs made a difference and I knew someone would make me a cuppa!!

I then signed up for swimming lessons and now meet up with two ladies before the class, we walk from one lady's house to swimming and back again, and end up having tea and cake and nattering for the rest of the morning whilst the other babies (not mine!!) sleep off the morning's exertion.
I also go to a surestart parent and toddler group, my dd is the only baby most weeks but we play and she loves to watch the children run around.

Babyfit is excellent (like a legs/bums/tums class), for me exercise was the key in helping with my depression and I can take my dd along to this. If you fancy something like this then can i suggest you ring around all of the private gyms (eg virgin/david lloyd/esporta/etc) and see if they run these. usually these classes are run by an outside person and have to be paid for outside of gym memberships therefore you shouldn't need to be a gym member to go along, mine is run by a midwife at esporta in Poole and not one of the ladies that does the class is an esporta member, although we take advantage and take over the coffee lounge once class is over!! And now I no longer breastfeed, my husband looks after dd while I got to the gym for an hour at the weekend and go to a class on a tuesday evening

I also go to baby sensory and although haven't made any friends at this class, my dd loves it and it is something we can enjoy together.

my dd is 7 months old and my PND is better - not gone - butI have very few 'bad days' now, even during these stressful teething moments. don't get me wrong, i still find motherhood difficult but I can cope better and no longer feel like a 'psycho' crying/screaming/ranting like i did in the early days. and I am not an outgoing person, I have lived here for 5 years and did not know 1 single person locally, having my daughter and making sure her childhood was different to mine was the 'kick up the bum' i needed and even then it took me 3 months to build up to. I only hope I can keep in touch with a couple of my new friends when I go back to work full-time in September!

please try and get to at least one group and persevere, I guarantee it will help.

and just wanted to add, my dd is growing up into a very happy and smiley baby and she is so outgoing (apart from those teething moments!!)

lovebooks_2

You are not alone in feeling like you do. I am partially responsible as haven't kept in contact with people. I feel tired a lot of the time, so end up resting when I haven't got my hands full. I do have positive days, but have been suffering from anxiety recently.

I will be tied till my youngest starts full time at school, for various reasons, so unfortunately have another 2 years of this.

satchmo1

Hi HP

I'm sorry you're feeling so isolated, but not surprised what with the move, a new baby and PND. I felt the same when I was a new mum, and like you I'm shy - which surprises many people 'cos I'll talk to anyone. One thought, re the new centre, why not volunteer to do something to help there? I find it easier to mix when I've got some purpose. Give out tea, leaflets, something like that. Then, if you walk to the centre, walk back with some of the other mums and suggest coffee (at home to keep the pennies down). I made two great friends by spontaneously asking them to bring their children to play with my youngest as we left playgroup. I had to do it spontaneously otherwise I'd never have had the courage.

Hope that helps.

Satchmo x

Hushpuppie_2

Just an update ... things are not going well ... I have been to a few baby groups my baby enjoyed them..Im not doing well I have started self harm mainly hitting my head with hard objects so hard that my skin is numb on my head at night from hitting my head a few weeks back.....hit myself again today with a can,,,I just feel so fustrated I dont think im ever going to feel at home here,,, it feels like Ive had my head chopped off and put on someone elses body and taken away..

My baby is fine and healthy she is the love of my life... but all I can think of is what if I was not here? I look at her and start to cry..(I lost my mum age 6)

I did try anti depressents twice now but they made me feel very very ill and could not look after my baby and take them

I cannot talk to my partner im just not the type but he is suffering for my behaviour

My baby cries when im frustrated as I throw things across the room, I feel so so guilty for that then go upstairs to hit myself of cry as im such a failure

My friends from where I used to live dont ring anymore

whats wrong with me? I dont feel loved by my partner, I feel im only here because I got pregnant and he had to do the dutiful thing,, I know he has still got a profile on the dating site we met on he had many he deleted but he still has one which is hidded,, I cannot ever bring it up as I know it will make my life more unbearable. He claimed he loved me blah blah before I got pregnant but carried on looking for other women,, im just not good enough am i?

God help me I feel so desperate at times I want to die,, but am only here for my baby

Do I have to live this life until my baby is old enough to leave home then I can go too?

I miss my old life,,, work,, spare money,,, freedom,, no one to lie to me

sorry for not getting better you all have been great in the past


I hope my life gets better,,I do have brighter days,,then BANG this feeling and sad thoughts of how I got here take over.

Gillyx

You really need to go back to your GP Hushpuppie, and tell them how you are feeling, and how it is affecting your day to day living.

I really really feel for you, as I moved to a completely different country and found out i was pregnant, so I have noone here either, and I'm sort of dreading baby coming as I know I'll get out less and less.

Hugs xxxx