New mum and so lonely....

Skintmama

Hushpuppie - I am so worried to read your post as you do sound depressed and in need of help. As a matter of priority you should go back to your GP, or speak to your Health Visitor if she is more approachable.

I understand that the loneliness is a problem but you are feeling so much else besides this. You can phone, email or visit the Samaritans - just google them and you will get all their contact details. The fact that you are self - harming is a sign of your pain and they will understand this.

I really think you need to speak to someone who can understand what you are going through, although this doesn't replace effective medication and medical help.

Lots of people feel the sorts of things you are feeling right now and you deserve to be helped as much as anyone else. You are worth the world to your baby and for hers and your own sake please, please ask for the help that you need.

(((((Hushpuppie)))))

Hushpuppie_2

Also I have almost stopped eating just drink tea and cold drinks im breastfeeding but have read that the baby wont suffer which is main concern,,,I have very little appetite

Skintmama

(((((Gillyx)))))

Before I had my first baby I also didn't know anybody apart from my next door neighbour - just in passing. I joined the local National Childbirth Trust group by going to the antenatal classes that they run. This way I went through pregnancy with a small group of other mums and we continued to meet after our babies were born. They arrange a support person for the group to see you through the first few meet-ups. Although I have now moved far away I am still in contact with one friend and our babies are now 20 years old!

Good luck with your pregnancy and settling in to a new area.

Sorry, I have just noticed that you said new country rather than new county! I do apologise.

bubbs

Hushpuppie, i never reply to posts like these as feel i have no experience having no children but i really really feel for you. Maybe someone on here is near you and if you was willing to say what area you are in maybe someone would become a real life friend if that waht you wanted.
Please take care of yourself and you must eat.

Skintmama

Hushpuppie - I would think that for a very short time milk may be made from you own reserves but this will further deplete you and put your own health at risk, certainly it will cause you to feel much worse if you are not eating and replenishing your energy.

Even if you don't have an appetite you need to try to manage small nourishing meals and snacks. Perhaps your husband could help with this?

Hushpuppie_2

he doesnt know I dont eat I pretend that I have already eaten ,,,,10+ on my own everyday is so lonely he thinks going to playgroup for 1-2 hours a week is enough to help me get out

bubbs

surely he must notice you are loosing weight?

Skintmama

I wonder if you could start to be more honest with your husband about how you feel and give him at least an opportunity to support you a bit more?

Ten hours is a very long day with a baby and no other company, certainly I found it so on the days that I had nothing planned or when one of us was too ill to go out. I haven't read the whole thread so this has probably been suggested already - I found that I needed to break the day up by taking a walk in the afternoon (exercise, daylight and fresh air can uplift the mood too), or going shopping, if only for a few items. If you choose the small shops rather than the supermarket there is more opportunity for a little chat. I found that even when I was abroad for a short while more people want to talk when there is a baby involved. I would walk miles to the shops if necessary just to get a bit of adult contact.

As regards being motivated to go out - sometimes it just isn't there beforehand. However, getting ready and going out anyway is still of benefit as usually one picks up once on the move.

marywooyeah

OP this is bad! I've self harmed before and I know it feels better at the time but if your baby is picking up on your frustration there needs to be another way to vent. Have you tried walking out of the room for a moment? cliche but I do the deep breaths to help me stay calm. If you're not ready to go back to the GP thats ok but you do need something to help at the moment. I also don't have any family to help so do understand how you feel about being on your own with the baby - are there any pet shops near you? my little one used to like going to look at all the animals and I would talk to him about them. It was like a little trip out together that he enjoyed.

I never went to mum and baby groups either, we made our own fun then went to Rhymetime every now and again at a local library. Soft play centres are good, they often have areas for young babies and you could meet other mums there - it doesnt have to be baby groups to make friends.

Re the eating - it sounds related to your unhappiness. don't force yourself to eat if you are not hungry, but eat enough to keep your strengh up. If you feel cruddy it's going to be worse if you're starving?

Finally, which area are you in? You'd be very welcome to a playdate if you're in nottingham! x

BitterAndTwisted

Hushpuppie you need to talk to someone urgently. Self-harming and starving yourself is one way to absolutely guarantee that you won't be there for your little baby. You know what that felt like and I'm sure that's the last thing on earth that you'd want to have happen.

See your GP or health visitor. Confide in them if you can't reach out to your husband. If all else fails: leave and go back to where you moved from. Are there any friends or family that you could contact for some help and reassurance? You need it NOW please ask for it