Another husband post!

Alleycat

I do similar at work if I've not had time to make anything as well. Not thought about suggesting it to hubby but will do. I think they've got a fridge they can use. He will go to Tesco anyway to buy something if he's on nights (and sometimes days) so it's not as if it's a special effort. I think he likes to grab a cooked breakfast from the canteen though which whilst subsidised can still add up over the course of a four or five day week.

Alias_Omega

Not all husbands are bad, im both the breadwinner and the saver in my little family. Maybe you could teach Mrs AO to save..

I think she has lost the value of the £1.

GracieP

Alleycat wrote: »

I think he likes to grab a cooked breakfast from the canteen though which whilst subsidised can still add up over the course of a four or five day week.

My husband was like that too. I remember the time a few weeks after we agreed to only buy lunches as rare treats, his parents were visiting and he told them about the place he'd found with great breakfast rolls. Basically he was not only still buying lunch every day but he'd taken the money which I was saving by making my own sandwiches and was buying breakfast rolls. I was ready to throttle him.:mad:

CRH71

Nicklt wrote: »

Seeing this from a mans perspective this comment is ridiculous. If he works 12 hour shifts then going for a 'couple of drink' is fair enough, it is his way of letting of steam. And calling it a waste of money when a womens alternative would be buying cosmetics etc. which in a mans world is a waste of money.

"A couple of pints after work" - I wish........... :sad:

Angel_of_Tomfoolery

Nicklt wrote: »

Seeing this from a mans perspective this comment is ridiculous. If he works 12 hour shifts then going for a 'couple of drink' is fair enough, it is his way of letting of steam. And calling it a waste of money when a womens alternative would be buying cosmetics etc. which in a mans world is a waste of money.

Having a go at him for spending the extra £20 is only going to annoy him, how would you feel if every penny you spent was being scrutinised and questioned, it would pi*s you off.

You both work, you get HB so are not paying the full rent on your property yet you have no money or are living close to the line. HOW? seriously, people just seem to have a really bad grasp of money nowadays. I know people who earn alot more than i do yet never have any money. It's ridiculous!

I know people are probably going to have a go at me for this post.

But seriously people seem so naive with money, wants have grown into needs.

Whilst I agree with the last part of this, the 'letting off steam after a hard days work' attitude seems so old fashioned to me. From what I've read it sounds like the OP and husband have chosen to tackle their finances together and he's had a 'blip' which has irritated her. I worked in a social club for a few months and was amazed at the number of men who would come in most nights a week and spend a fortune, whilst their families were presumably at home. This might have possibly been justified in times when the man was the breadwinner and the wife's job was to run the home, but with two workers in a couple, the 'free time' for the woman tends to be taken up with stuff a housewife would have had all day to do and the man get to 'wind down'. I hate myself for coming across as a feminist (I'm really not!) :rotfl:

Well done to the OP for the dignified responses

Alleycat

Well he's done it again. £70 spent in just 3 days. We didn't manage to have a proper sit down discussion as we were both tired and the baby is teething so hadn't been going to sleep until 11pm and then up at stupid times in the morning. But I did make it clear that he had overspent and we really needed to be very careful until payday.

I guess I just need some emotional support right now. I am definitely going to sit down with him this evening as he's off now until next Wednesday, no excuses. But it doesn't change that we're now even tighter until the end of the month.

Why is he doing this to me? I made it clear again last night when I saw how much money was left in the bills account that he had overspent. Told him how much and he was very quiet. He did say that he would stop drinking then but I asked him how he was going to cope for the next 4 days with only £7. I said that I felt very stressed out by it, didn't know what to do and that I was going to bed. He said sorry but that was it.

I've been up since 5 with the baby whilst he's still sleeping. Sorry this is such a depressing post but I just needed to get it out.

Angel_of_Tomfoolery

Awww...poor you Alleycat. I hope you can get some sleep soon and sort something out *hugs*

Ames

It sounds like more than a one off blow out. Is he gambling or anything like that? Or is the drinking slipping towards being a problem?

I just don't see how he can to it twice so close together and it just be a little blip, or an accident, or a misunderstanding.

CRH71

Ames wrote: »

I just don't see how he can to it twice so close together and it just be a little blip, or an accident, or a misunderstanding.

Must admit, I'm finding it hard to understand, too.

I'm the breadwinner and only worker in this family and I do not allow myself any budget for "social" activities - certainly not going out drinking with colleagues after work - the budget's simply too tight for that!

Your OH needs to understand the situation fully and understand that the budget is the budget, full stop - there isn't spare money to be frittered.

One slip I can understand - it happens to the best of us and it's not fair to deny yourself SOME pleasures after working full-time and caring for a baby too - but two, in such a short space of time shows either someone with a major problem looming (it may not be drink or gambling, either) or a man who is so selfish that he does not wish to understand the financial situation and treats it with disdain.

Give him the cash and take the debit/credit cards off of him if you must - be cruel to be kind. He needs a bit of a wake-up call.

londoner1998

Alleycat wrote: »

The £60 each week covers £20 each bus and train fares, lunch for husband as he works 12 hour shifts so doesn't have time or energy to sort packed lunch, bits and pieces for son and daughter, things like prescriptions, lunch money for me if I don't have time to make my own (usually take sandwiches), an icecream for daughter now and again and clothes/haircuts when needed etc. It's pointless trying to cut it back as we've tried that in the past and it hasn't worked.

OK, something stuck out for me- you are wasting money here- please don't take it the wrong way, but if you are struggling like you are, you have no choice- you have to organise yourself and stop thinking that you can buy lunch at work or when outside. I know because when I do (too busy to cook, or too tired, or too disorganised) my budget just goes out of the window. It is not that complicated and you need to take control- whatever you cook for lunch/dinner when at home, cook three times as much and freeze or put in a themos flask for him to take to work if you have one. If not, it doesn't matter- make a sandwich at home for him to take. It will save you lots of money in the long run.
You just can not carry on making excuses on this front.

And then, talk to him about the budget and get him involved- it might take a while but it is possibleo- just today, my OH and I have opened a savings account to buy or home in the near future (and he has always been so uniterested in money and so disorganised)- so we could get this far, you can star controlling your spending.
There is hope ...