Another husband post!

Alleycat

Tiddlywinks wrote: »

£60 each spending money per week is crazy given that you are so tight on money. That's £480 per month (or over £6,000 over the 52 week year).

Continuing as you are will mean that you will be living this difficult life for years to come... that's the reality, sorry. That money could be paying off debts or getting you a nicer flat.

You've said you have tried in the past to stick to a budget but gave up as it was too difficult - well, try harder.

Change or don't change that's your choice but don't keep blaming your OH - you're part of it yourself.

That's exactly my point, £60 per week should be plenty to cover his outgoings but when he then spends a further £80 in a week then we will of course find it tight. My £60 has covered travel to work, a couple of snacks, £12 on school dresses and socks, a blue tshirt for daughter's play tomorrow and I have enough left to last me to the end of the week.

Since we found MSE back in 2005, we have worked really hard to get things back on track. Our budget was originally too strict I think which was why it didn't work. We've over the last few years tweaked it so it works well for us. As long as one of us doesn't suddenly decide to go wild. It means we can afford for our daughter to do after school activities, have a holiday this year, buy the odd take away and go for a drink now and again.

Our flat is actually lovely. It's a little too small but it's a quiet area, we have a garden and our landlords are very very good. The rent is reasonable in comparison to others and the landlords have not put the rent up since we moved in. There is no worry that we will be evicted because the landlord wants to sell or move back in as they are a very large well established property company.

I think because the cheque hadn't cashed yet, he saw the spare money didn't think that it might have been prioritised and spent it. He has access to the budget and should have checked first but I assume didn't. I'm going to have a serious talk with him tomorrow when he's off work and explain that I can't keep managing the budget by myself as it's exhausting and very stressful if things go wrong. It's also hard without his input. If he can be more involved then hopefully it will help his sometimes errant spending.

Lunar_Eclipse

Tiddlywinks wrote: »

£60 each spending money per week is crazy given that you are so tight on money.

I agree.

We allow £60/month each for spending money. This is pure pocket money, so does not include (wouldn't come close to covering!) train fares or clothing. But it covers the odd pint after work, occasional cinema tickets/pizza with the girls, magazines, books, music etc. It's enough but is obviously very easy to spend quickly (one night out in London!)

Thus DH takes packed lunches to work. Similarly to the OP, my husband works long hours (14 hour days) and doesn't prioritise making them himself, so I make them. For us, it's not a matter of not being able to afford £5/day for lunch, but more a question of priority and choosing to make different spending choices with the money we have.

My favourite pair of jeans also wore through last week. I am going to repair them with a denim patch on the inside. It's amazing what you can do if you are forced, or choose, to minimise spending.

You also mentioned Summer dresses for your daughter. I wondered if her school has second hand clothes sales? Ours does once a term, on the same night as parents evenings which makes them very convenient. The clothes are in great condition. Youngest needed a new PE t-shirt recently and I managed to buy one for 50p. Our Summer dresses are £1, school shirts 50p. Thought it might be worth mentioning and in case you feel uncomfortable buying used (you shouldn't but some people do), know that many expensive private schools have popular second hand uniform sales! Personally, besides being financially savvy, I also appreciate the positive environmental impact of buying used, along with educating my children in good buying habits.

Good luck in getting back on track!

Gavin83

I think the problem is with your finances instead of your husband. Why do you have separate accounts? Surely if you have separate accounts and only your spending money is paid into these then it is up to the individual how it is spent, or am I missing something here?

Also if I was that stressed about money I really wouldn't be bothering with passports or foreign holidays, £100 is a lot of money and that's not even taking into account the money spent in the trip itself. I also don't think Chinese takeaways are exactly important either, even for a treat.

Alleycat

Judith_W wrote: »

Assuming you will be better off next month as you have twice the childcare vouchers in your account to use? Well done you for juggling everything. As well as leaving the cards alone, I think your hubby should be given £60 cash at the beginning of each week (Friday?), also, is it any cheaper to get a monthly bus ticket?

Judith thank you that made me smile! Unfortunately we won't have the extra childcare vouchers next month, mores the pity. I was on annual leave in March until 4th April after my mat leave ended. Got paid 26th March and vouchers were credited to the online scheme and so I merrily paid them over to the nursery. Didn't receive my payslip until I got back in to work on the 4th to discover that they hadn't actually been taken from my pay. I had been paid an unusual amount at end of March as it was annual leave and some KIT days and not a normal salary. I'd asked for confirmation of my total pay from HR in March so I could make sure the budget was correct but they didn't reply.

Alleycat

I get quite a few bits from the second hand uniform sales at school, unfortunately they never seem to have decent dresses in my daughter's size. I got a fab school coat for £3 at the last one. I also but a size larger so she will grow into them (I sound like my mother!).

My daughter has some jeans the same colour that she has grown out of that I was going to Ebay but will take your advice and see if I can patch my ripped ones with them instead. It's right at the top so I can still wear them with long tops.

I'm feeling much more positive again this morning. I had just had a moment of oh my god, what have you done??!! last night! It can be stressful managing it on my own when something goes wrong, but if I can get hubby to make more of an active interest I think that will help. I won't feel like I'm solely responsible for it all. Well hopefully when he's seriously skint next week, he'll realise that three nights out in a week just aren't worth it.

Edited to add: this thread has made me realise that I haven't updated my signature in a while. Off to do it now! DFD was March 2016 but is now July 2013. Woo!!

Lunar_Eclipse

Alleycat wrote: »

My daughter has some jeans the same colour that she has grown out of that I was going to Ebay but will take your advice and see if I can patch my ripped ones with them instead. It's right at the top so I can still wear them with long tops.

That is a good idea, however if the repair won't be seen, I'd check you haven't got some other fabric you could use instead so you can still Ebay your DD's jeans to raise a bit more money.

Oh, and pleased you're feeling a little more upbeat about things. x

Lunar_Eclipse

Alleycat wrote: »

I'm going to have a serious talk with him tomorrow when he's off work and explain that I can't keep managing the budget by myself as it's exhausting and very stressful if things go wrong. It's also hard without his input. If he can be more involved then hopefully it will help his sometimes errant spending.

If nothing else, see if he will agree to stick to his agreed spending money limit and check with you before overspending or taking advances.

I would also strongly suggest you talk about how much money is being spent on lunches and consider packed lunches & cutting his spending money accordingly if this looks like a sensible option. I have been known to batch cook wraps for lunches and freeze them. You could, but don't have to, spend time cooking things for lunches. A cake would last the week, along with a packet of cheap crisps/nuts, a sandwich and piece of fruit. I think you can quite easily make a tasty and filling lunch for £1-1.50 a day.

Another idea that might be nice is to see if either of you can save money from your weekly allowance that could be put towards a family outing - or your holiday you have planned. I would have thought it was quite possible to save £5-10/week which would amount to enough for a family meal or day out as often as once a month! How lovely would that be?:) Not sure whether your husband would agree with that thought though, or rather spend the money on a couple of extra pints. Ideally, I think it's best to have 'family entertainment' as a (mini) separate category within the household budget, but when things are tight, one has to get creative.

goodgirl80

Perhaps you could allocate a specific amount for all the bills and household stuff which you both pay into a seperate account then whats left in your own accounts is yours?
e.g:

earnings: Him £1000, Her £500
Total household bills/ month: £750
Transfer to Bills account: Him £500, Her £250

= all bill covered and out of the way.

ViolaLass

The thing that concerns me in reading all this is that you appear not to have any spare money for emergencies. I would prioritise getting that in place before any holidays/takeaways etc, it would make your life a lot easier.

ERICS_MUM

Dear Alleycat,

I want to congratulate you on the way you have responded so well to all the posts in this thread. You've not been defensive when faced with criticism, just patient and very open in clarifying things and responding. :T

You've still got a tough 2 years ahead of you until you are debt free, so in the meantime I think you are right to have the odd treat such as a take-away. If your hubby likes to unwind with a beer or 2, would he be happy with getting a few cans from the supermarket and drink them in the comfort of your home ? This really would save money without "depriving" him of his treat. :beer:

I saw your comment about the holiday being more or less paid for by other family members so I think you should go unless it would really put you into loads of long term debt. You both work hard and time away with a supportive family will relax you both, you can come home with renewed enthusiasm for tackling the matter in hand.

You are obviously very strong and will get your family through this rough patch. I do wish you well.


Linda xx

PS apols if I sound overly sentimental, but I hope I've also captured the views of many other posters.