Another husband post!

Alleycat

Gosh lots of questions! We're in private rented so we're not paying for the new windows thankfully. The £60 each week covers £20 each bus and train fares, lunch for husband as he works 12 hour shifts so doesn't have time or energy to sort packed lunch, bits and pieces for son and daughter, things like prescriptions, lunch money for me if I don't have time to make my own (usually take sandwiches), an icecream for daughter now and again and clothes/haircuts when needed etc. It's pointless trying to cut it back as we've tried that in the past and it hasn't worked.

He's a brilliant dad and husband. A bit lazy with the kids sometimes but is very domesticated. I love him very much, it's just tiring having to deal with this all the time. I do think he drinks a bit too much but its a tricky one. Some weeks he won't go out at all, but then he'll have a run of going out. Just can't say no if someone suggests going for a pint. He'll always say its a quick one but I know it won't be. Have tried talking to him before about it, but never works. It's just how he is I guess. Frustrating but we all have our bad points.

The bills account is joint and we each have our own separate accounts that our spending money is paid into. Shopping money is paid into another joint account and taken out in cash for the week. I hadn't had chance to go shopping this week yet, so we won't need the full amount as I won't be going until Friday now as will be waiting in all day for the window people and then it's school pick up.

I like the idea of leaving the bank card at home. Would work for us both I think! I will definitely suggest that one tomorrow.

flea72

as above, your OH has overspent by £80

clothes for the kids, trainfares, takeaways, passports and holidays are all additional expenses that you are racking up, that arent necessary either

until you both stop all frivolous spending, then your situation isnt going to improve

F

ViolaLass

welshmoneylover wrote: »

If you really are struggling, don't you thinking that buying passports and train tickets should be at the bottom of your priority list?

Sadly, I was thinking this too. Holidays are great but not at the expense of eating (and will you be able to enjoy it knowing how much you've spent?).

Sambucus_Nigra

That's £480 a month because you can't be bothered to make lunches?

What you need to do is to properly list out everything and put is aside in a separate account - this includes train fares, prescriptions; etc - this money comes out of your account and is ONLY used for bills/expenses/family stuff....then look at what you might have left over for spending money...rather than spending money being prioritised over bills.

WhiteHorse

Men like this are just giant children. Hopelessly immature and Me, Me, Me. Time to get him to grow up or ship out.

Alleycat

I work three days a week (10 hours on a Tuesday) and look after our 6 year old and 1 year old, I'd love a drink at the end of the day! My husband actually wanted me to not go back after maternity leave but I wanted to and money was obviously important. We should be okay each month, but for some reason it's gone totally pear shaped this month. It's just a couple of overspends but has ended up snowballing. We should have had enough for the cheque but have been massively underpaid by HB and my employers forgot to put through the childcare vouchers last month and so put them through twice this month to make up for it. The first I knew about it was when I got paid. So we were effectively down £243 before we'd even started. I'd made inroads into that by cutting back our weekly grocery shop and spends and selling a few bits on Ebay and cloth nappy tree. Unfortunately the cheque had already been given to nursery though still not been cashed/cleared.

The passports and train tickets will need to be paid for eventually so may as well be end of this month if doable. Obviously if I need to dip into that money I will but don't want to automatically see it as spare money this month if I can help it.

We'll work it out, we always do. It's just times like this I really want to find a wall and bang my head against it repeatedly. Checking the online banking and seeing the withdrawals that have only just shown up for just one week made me feel very sick and panicked. Fortunately you lovely lot have helped me to think rationally and sort out a plan.

balletshoes

maybe a notebook each and use it (ie you both write down every time you spend more than £5, and what you spent it on). Its really helped me focus and refine my monthly budget (it can be shocking when you add it all up!).

It also helps me that I know my weekly budget (not just pocket money, but groceries, petrol, dance class, school lunches etc, all the regular weekly expenses) at the start of the week, so if I know there is going to be extra expense in the month (ie road tax, a special night out etc) I can work in cutting the grocery bill a bit to cover those extra expenses.

Alleycat

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

That's £480 a month because you can't be bothered to make lunches?

What you need to do is to properly list out everything and put is aside in a separate account - this includes train fares, prescriptions; etc - this money comes out of your account and is ONLY used for bills/expenses/family stuff....then look at what you might have left over for spending money...rather than spending money being prioritised over bills.

As said £480 per month doesn't just go on packed lunches. We've done the really specific budgeting before and it hasn't worked. There are a zillion reasons why that I'm too tired to explain right now.

All the household bills have been paid. The nursery cheque is the only one and that had been covered but isn't now. It will be paid and bills are always prioritised over other monthly spending. They leave the account before anything else does. I am frustrated because we have a lovely family holiday planned and money allocated for the train fares, passports etc but am now going to have to spend that money on day to day living expenses. Money that had been earmarked spent on getting to work. HB (for which we are very grateful may I add) has been messing us about since our claim was started in September last year. It swings from underpaid to overpaid to underpaid to overpaid and now back to underpaid. It makes planning and budgeting very difficult but we have managed (quite well I'd like to add). Our debts have not grown and have dropped considerably.

I'm tired and stressed out right now. There just seems to be a never ending list of things to do and sort out but my husband just potters along without a care in the world (well that's how it feels sometimes). It really helps to vent to people not involved and to get some perspective. I'm much calmer than I was earlier as I can see that it's really not as bad as I had initially thought. Am getting quite defensive now!!

Alleycat

balletshoes wrote: »

maybe a notebook each and use it (ie you both write down every time you spend more than £5, and what you spent it on). Its really helped me focus and refine my monthly budget (it can be shocking when you add it all up!).

It also helps me that I know my weekly budget (not just pocket money, but groceries, petrol, dance class, school lunches etc, all the regular weekly expenses) at the start of the week, so if I know there is going to be extra expense in the month (ie road tax, a special night out etc) I can work in cutting the grocery bill a bit to cover those extra expenses.

We do similar with the budget. Well I say we, I mean me! Daughter's swimming and after school club are allocated as are all the other regular expenses. I remember when they weren't and my god what a nightmare.

I think so hard when I spend money on nearly anything. My daughter is so used to the mantra of no that's too expensive or get that one its cheaper! My husband mostly does too, but seems to go through these cycles of blowing it all so fast. I just can't believe that he's spent £80 more than his budget in one week!! What has he been buying, gold plated crisps??

Alleycat

Not sure why I feel the need to defend myself but here goes! Take aways are very rare. I thought it would be a nice treat for her for doing so well with learning her lines and being such a good girl with her baby brother this past year. The holiday is being mostly paid for by my parents for ourselves and my sisters and their families. We only have to pay train fares and passports.

I knew I would rile a few people when I mentioned the dreaded B word. Just so you don't totally implode, its temporary. September 2010 to April 2012 when our childcare costs reduce and we are given pay rises (we have both been given 1 year pay freezes). My husband is in line for a promotion hopefully this year so if/when that happens our income will have risen enough that we will be off them sooner than this.