Another husband post!

tesuhoha

Hi Alleycat

Had to respond to this. I've been in the same situation and resolved it by using cash. I think someone else mentioned it but I have to stress the brilliance of using cash. Take all your cards, including (especially) your husband's apart from your one debit card and chop them up, shred them, burn them whatever. Tell him that you are going to be dealing with cash from now on because the family finances are in crisis.

Then pay all your bills either on line or by cheque. Take out cash for your weekly shop allowance and your allowances. Hand the £60 over to your husband every Sunday night or whenever and say to him thats his lot until next Sunday. Say he will have to make it last because there is no more money to spare. When you use cash you can actually see how much money you are spending and it deters you. A card is just figures you are taking out and spending, not money. Incidentally could you buy a train season ticket for your husband so that it costs less, and you can give him less for his weekly spending? Another good reason for doing this is that if he spends all the cash he cannot persuade you to take out more because he doesn't have the train fare to get to work. Then you can be really strong and refuse to take any more out. After a couple of weeks of this he will make sure that his £60 lasts him the week.

p_joker

You need to sit down with your husband and go through everything that goes out and comes in, we have just got rid of sky so that is £50 a month saved, we got bt vision its not great but we are actually paying less that we did for just b.t and internet, and sorry to say it but if you don't work then you should think about nursery, yes its lovely to get the little ones out your hair, mine used to go every Wednesday all day so I had a whole day to do the house work but now we have moved to another town and my eldest starts school in September we have decided to take them out of nursery and wait until my youngest can get his 15 hours, our last bill was well into £200 and that is just for one child one day a week, also eating and drinking out is expensive even the odd macdonalds its cheaper to a bit of steak and eat at home, can you not make your husband up a pack lunch and put it in the fridge the night before? much cheaper for a loaf of bread we had a pasty each and a cake while we were in town today and even that was over a tenner, lunch every day adds up, i understand the passport thing we have passports for our kids i saved up about £600 towards a holiday but then the car started playing up so no money no holiday and waist of money on a passport :-( my husband is pretty crap with money too he went bankrupt so i had his wages paid into my account i aloud him very little money and no cards and thats the only time we have ever had any money!

Violetta_2

Just picking up on a wee thing, if you get HB surely your income must be low enough to get tax credit's. But you say you aren't entitled? Think your income has to be over £40000 before tax credits stop. Are you sure you aren't missing out on some help that you may be entitled to?

FBaby

I agree with Linda, you have a brilliant attitude to life. You and your husband are working, bringing up two kids, you have to watch every penny you spend, yet you are not moaning about your entitlements or how unfair life is, just that you are cross with your partner for spending money the way he does. It does seem that the relaxing with other lads at the pub with a 'couple of' drinks is very important for many working men. Mine is the same and I don't understand it, but I've long stopped trying to make him see how wasted money it is.

Just one question though, did he say what he spent the £80 on? Was it going out to drink? And why is it that clothes for your daughter comes out of your disposable income rather than the family budget? Is it luxury for you to dress your kids?

Nicklt

FBaby wrote: »

It does seem that the relaxing with other lads at the pub with a 'couple of' drinks is very important for many working men. Mine is the same and I don't understand it, but I've long stopped trying to make him see how wasted money it is.

Seeing this from a mans perspective this comment is ridiculous. If he works 12 hour shifts then going for a 'couple of drink' is fair enough, it is his way of letting of steam. And calling it a waste of money when a womens alternative would be buying cosmetics etc. which in a mans world is a waste of money.

Having a go at him for spending the extra £20 is only going to annoy him, how would you feel if every penny you spent was being scrutinised and questioned, it would pi*s you off.

You both work, you get HB so are not paying the full rent on your property yet you have no money or are living close to the line. HOW? seriously, people just seem to have a really bad grasp of money nowadays. I know people who earn alot more than i do yet never have any money. It's ridiculous!

I know people are probably going to have a go at me for this post.

But seriously people seem so naive with money, wants have grown into needs.

calisto

Alleycat wrote: »

Don't worry, I am very sure he isn't spending his money on girls! We live in London, so beer for example isn't cheap which is where it has gone I'm sure.

Ahh... yes, London prices for beer are at least 10x the rest of the world. My guess is he bought a small round in - £80 down the drain.

I'd quite like to see the Elvis clock though, would certainly make for a statement piece in the living room!!

I don't blame you - I would fekkin' love one of these Viz masterpieces. I am sure they will appreciate in value...





Good luck with your errant fella! I truly hope he actually invested it in the Elvis Tutankahmun Dambusters clock instead! You never know? :rotfl:

Alleycat

Sorry its taken me a while to come back and reply. It's been a busy few days and the baby hasn't been getting to sleep until gone 11 as his teeth are hurting. I'm knackered!! Means also that we haven't been able to sit down and properly talk and go through things. Hopefully either this evening or tomorrow evening we can.

I've offered to make his packed lunch before but he usually says not to bother. When we've discussed it, it seems to be because he doesn't want to have to lug sandwich boxes etc with him. He will go through periods of being good and taking stuff in, but then he can't be bothered. A bit like me before I went on maternity leave. I'm making a real concerted effort now though to take pre-made food in as the cost of buying from the shop every day is just crazy. I think though that I will suggest it again and see what sort of things he would like.

I'm in the process of getting back into the swing of things since going back to work and slowly getting myself organised again. I usually batch cook and always meal plan and stick to my shopping lists. Decided yesterday to use the £5 morrisons voucher that we've had since the building of the ark (had been keeping it for a rainy day) so all-in the shopping for the week came to just under £30. There will be a couple of bits to buy such as bread, fruit and veg but the expensive stuff is well stocked.

We tend to use Tesco clubcards for more costly days out and currently have £70 worth of deals. We were going to use them for the ferry for our holiday, but even with the vouchers it would have worked out more expensive than the eurostar. We've also got a family and friends railcard which has given us a year's free membership to the YHA so I might take our daughter away for a night here and there which will be fun. I used to love YHA holidays when I was young.

The way we work it is that we each get given our spending money at the start of the week as cash and shopping money is cash also. When it's gone, it's gone and we're not supposed to withdraw more unless we've discussed it first. The bills have their own joint account which our wages get paid into and they all go at the beginning of the month. The Child Benefit and HB get paid into there also.

We have a contingency fund that £50 gets paid into each month but unfortunately had to use it last month when the washing machine broke down. Managed to get £20 for the old one though despite it being ancient!!

Will read page 3 now!

Alleycat

Linda and FBaby thank you so much for your comments. They are not over sentimental at all and really lovely. You've made me blush We're not perfect (who is?) but we do try and keep things ticking over okay. We've got good family and two lovely children, we just made some foolish mistakes with money when we were a bit younger.

There's no way I'm not going on that holiday, am too excited!! It's all being paid for by saving up. We're not going to get into debt for it.

Hubby does have cans at home but it's more the going out with work mates and socialising that he enjoys. He just can't say no. I do think he means a quick pint when he says it, but it never is. Though he surprised me a few weeks ago by getting home at 10.30. I was truely shocked! I've tried talking to him about it as it is something I wish he would change but it always falls on deaf ears. Either he gets very defensive and argumentative or he says he will try his best next time. I don't mind him going out, but it's when it has a negative impact on the next day such as being too tired to get up when we had family things planned or snoring and keeping me awake or spending money that we don't have. I'd have to say that it's probably the one bone of contention between us that there is really.

NickIt, thank you for commenting. It's not just £20 though, it was £80 in just over a week. Now if that happened every week, I think most normal people would find it tough to manage. To be fair, I don't buy cosmetics only occasionally. Nor do I have a shoe or handbag obsession or any of the other stereotypically female must haves. I'd quite like to go out a couple of times a week for a drink but can't as I have to get the kids to bed and don't want to overspend. We both got into debt together and we both have to work hard to get ourselves out of it. It's a joint responsibility that we both need to stay focussed on.

I'm sorry I can't address everyone's fantastic advice and suggestions but I would probably bore anyone reading this stupid. But suffice to say that I have read it all and do really appreciate your comments.

Alleycat

calisto wrote: »

Ahh... yes, London prices for beer are at least 10x the rest of the world. My guess is he bought a small round in - £80 down the drain.

I don't blame you - I would fekkin' love one of these Viz masterpieces. I am sure they will appreciate in value...





Good luck with your errant fella! I truly hope he actually invested it in the Elvis Tutankahmun Dambusters clock instead! You never know? :rotfl:

:T

I want one.......no I NEED one!! A bit like the musical sombrero tortilla and dip bowl I saw a couple of years ago and begged someone to buy it for my birthday. Boring sods didn't and then it sold out. Was mucho gutted I lost out on that one.

GracieP

Alleycat wrote: »

When we've discussed it, it seems to be because he doesn't want to have to lug sandwich boxes etc with him. He will go through periods of being good and taking stuff in, but then he can't be bothered. A bit like me before I went on maternity leave. I'm making a real concerted effort now though to take pre-made food in as the cost of buying from the shop every day is just crazy.

When I worked out of home I rarely brought lunch in with me as lugging it about on the tube, especially in summer, would have spoiled certain foods. Instead I popped into the Tesco nearest my work on a Monday and bought packs of cheese/salad/meat and one or two 20p rolls. I'd make a sandwich up at work, put the rest of what I'd bought in the fridge and for the rest of the week just by bread rolls each day. It came to about £5 a week.

It didn't cost me anything extra as I'd have paid the same each week for packs of sandwich fillers and bread rolls, but saved me carrying food around London and it always meant my sandwiches were freshly made and not a bit soggy from being 14 hours old.