Another husband post!

Alleycat

Sat here in tears. Just checked online joint account and there's only £217 left in there. We've got a cheque due out any day now for nursery for £440, grocery shopping to do and I was going to pay my dad for the train tickets for our summer holiday. I've got £577 in my account but that is only there because we were overpaid Housing Benefit and I'm waiting for them to claim it back. I've checked my husband's account (we share online banking) and he has withdrawn over £200 in one week. We budget £60 each spending money each week, so he should only have taken out £120. Where has it all gone?

Child Benefit is due in a week or so (£134) and Housing Benefit on the same day but that is only £25 for two weeks as they're using the wrong details (not yet updated our claim with paperwork we took in).

I could scream. He knows how tight things are at the moment. He has seen the budget. But he's probably p*ssing it up the wall. He texted half an hour after he finished work to say he was going for a "quick pint", he went for a "quick pint" on Monday and went for a drink with a friend on Saturday. I wanted to treat our daughter to a chinese takeaway on Friday for doing well in her school play but don't know if we'll be able to afford it now. I also needed to book train tickets (cheap before the prices go up) for my nanny's 90th birthday party next month.

I had managed to get £35 in my paypal from selling some bits on Ebay but he asked to use £22 of it to buy some bit of Ebay for our other laptop that's broken. I'd had that money saved to put towards the kids passports for our holiday. I'd managed to save £95 of the £100 I needed but obviously a flaming laptop is more important.

My only decent pair of jeans ripped last week but I'm too worried to buy another pair because I don't want to overspend. I've had to buy our daughter some new summer dresses for school, swimming costume and a blue t shirt for her play on Friday. I just can't keep doing this. We sort out a budget, it goes well for a month and then something happens to ruin it.

Why does he just not get it??? He says he does, but seriously WE HAVE NO MONEY!!!!!!! I feel sick, I don't know what to do. Even if I sell more stuff, it won't be soon enough to cover the cheque. Why won't he realise that we really, truely are up !!!! creek? I've tried talking to him before but he gets all huffy especially when he's tired. Which he will be with the late nights and having to get up at 5 for work. But I'm tired too. The flat is a mess and we've got contractors coming to quote for new windows tomorrow. I just hope the baby behaves himself whilst I tidy up or I might cry again.

Darlyd

Awe bless you.

<< hugs >>

Kick him into touch, ring the bank tell them cards been lost so they get cancelled and tell him what you done and why you done it, maybe then he will see how his actions are destroying things.

I know this is probably a daft idea BUT any chance you could order your daughters items from a catalogue and pay it off as soon as you get paid? I do this.

Instead of buying a take away, could you make a picnic and have a girly night? Nail varnish, plaite her hair etc etc

Hope things go well for you sweety.. xx

neneromanova

Have you not got anyone you could loan the money from to cover the cheque? Or talk to the nursery?

Alleycat

Thanks for the posts. I really don't want to have to borrow the money because it will only have to be paid back eventually. That's why we're in this mess, because of debts. I originally came to this site in 2005 to the debt free wannabe board and we've made significant inroads but still have a while yet until we're debt free. It's two fixed loans so we can't change those outgoings.

I'm going to speak to him tomorrow evening when I next see him as he'll be gone to work before we get up and doesn't get in until 8.

The baby has only been in nursery since beginning of April, so really don't want to have to speak to them about it. Would be so embarrassing.

I'm just tired and feel so depressed about it all. Just as things start to look better, stuff like this happens. We're currently being underpaid HB so hopefully our award will be sorted by next HB due date. That would mean £175 instead of the £25 we were paid on Monday. It's frustrating, so bloody frustrating. I'll sort it because I have to. Not quite sure how yet, but will think of a plan.

HB are recovering the overpayment at a rate of £30 per fortnight, had hoped to pay a chunk from the money I kept back when I knew we'd been overpaid but hey ho will have to use some of that. When I redid our budget a couple of months ago, I'd estimated our entitlement to be £20 less per two weeks than what it actually will be once the new details are processed.

Ok, we need £786 to take us to the end of the month (groceries, cheque, spending money/travel). With the HB money, incoming will be £814. Underpaid HB which I hope won't be offset against the overpayment will be £175ish, so that will cover some of the holiday train money. I refuse to touch the passport money, because then I really will be upset as it took me ages to save that all up. Just checked his paypal and he's got £11 in there, plus my £12.33 and £60 in the penny pig so that's £83 towards the passports. Then two months of saving for holiday money. We will do this, there's lots to sell though won't make much but every penny helps!

Feeling more pragmatic now. Thanks for the venting!

balletshoes

venting is good - and if you don't have any spare money now because he's spent £200 instead of £120, maybe you should suggest your OH leaving his cashcard at home for the rest of the month, so the temptation isn't there to dip in a bit more when he's short.

I know how stressful it can be, juggling the bills and finding the money doesn't stretch to the end of the month - you need help and support from your OH so you're getting through it together.

Tiddlywinks

Setting aside the money.... I know that's the point, but just for a minute ignore the money stuff and think about the following:

Do you love him?
Does he love you?
Are you happy with him (apart from his spending)?
Is he committed to the relationship and to your family?
Is he a good father?
Those drinks after work... is he drinking too much? Is that a problem in the making?
Has he always been bad with money?

These answers are important because they will help you to decide what to do next.

If you love him and he is a good partner and father then every effort to get things together will be worth it. But, if everything is just hanging in there then you need to take a hard look at whether he is really committed.

Above all, don't make relationship decisions on money alone.

Now back to the money... how does he react to talking about money? How do you intend to approach him about it this time? Would he agree to you taking absolute control of the purse strings, giving him an allowance each week.

You say that you've got contractors coming for new windows - let's face it, you can't commit to more expense at the moment so knock that on the head. If it's rented and the LL is paying then fill your boots!

I also think that you need to make cut backs and be realistic about holidays etc - can you really afford the passports and overseas destinations?

Can anyone in your family help you get to the family celebration?

themull1

How are you going to pay for the windows, and why are you spending £60 a week each on yourselves? of have i got that bit wrong?

meds12_2

I think your husband is my partner - he is completely useless with money too, much to my constant frustration. Just a quick thought for next month - could you not just have all the bills going out of an account in just your name (and wages going into it), then you could give him his monthly money to spend and then when that has gone it has gone?

I really do sympathise though - that realisation that you have no money makes you feel sick, and doing it on your own, without the acknowledgment or support of your OH is desperately infuriating x x

balletshoes

My husband and I have completely different attitudes towards money, I've accepted that so we don't have a joint account (well, we do but its not in joint names, its in my name and he doesn't have a card to access it).

**Patty**

TBH i think that the fact that your OH appears to have overspent by £80 is the least of your worries. No matter how much you manipulate the figures you wouldn't have had enough to clear that cheque for £440.

Sitting on my hands about the rest........:o

welshmoneylover

OP, do you work at all?

To be honest, if I were working long hours like him I'd look forward to a pint at the end of the day.

If you really are struggling, don't you thinking that buying passports and train tickets should be at the bottom of your priority list?