Husband gone, what now?

Gigervamp

TS, what everyone else has said is what I want to say.

I'm so sad that it hasn't worked out, but you've done your utmost to hold your marriage together, so don't feel that there is anything else that you could have done.

On your journey to work out your marriage, you've found yourself again.

I'm pretty sure that you'll have a good life, however it pans out.

I hope that you'll keep us updated because even though we don't know you in real life, we're all rooting for you (and here for any problems) as we would if you were our friend IRL.

Jools x

kelpie35

Gigervamp wrote: »

TS, what everyone else has said is what I want to say.

I'm so sad that it hasn't worked out, but you've done your utmost to hold your marriage together, so don't feel that there is anything else that you could have done.

On your journey to work out your marriage, you've found yourself again.

I'm pretty sure that you'll have a good life, however it pans out.

I hope that you'll keep us updated because even though we don't know you in real life, we're all rooting for you (and here for any problems) as we would if you were our friend IRL.

Jools x

Here here X

TooSad

Hello everyone
I am completely overwhelmed by your good wishes but I shouldn't have expected anything less.
I am sad in the fact it has come to this, but happy too. I know nobody could have tried harder than I did, I can hold my head high and have no regrets whatsoever.
I regret things didn't work out, but I had 9 wonderful years with him and they were good, we had poo times but the good outweighed the bad. I have experienced things I wouldn't have done without his support and I will always always be thankful for that.

I am a happier person, more confident and am branching out as a ME rather than an US.
I have no idea what will happen, but I feel confident happiness is just around the corner.

Lots of love
Jane xxxxx

victory

TooSad wrote: »

Hi
Yes things have changed, sadly I am now in start of a divorce. I didn't want it to come to this, but he didn't want to try despite letting me think otherwise for a very long time.
I am ok, I am very positive and I am in a very good place right now.

Onwards & Upwards
TooSad x

You have actually made me cry, I was so rooting for you, you were such a happy upbeat positive poster, I always read all you wrote and looked forward to the instalments and just so wanted you to have the happy ending you so deserved, I am distraught for you.

Dawn French and then Denise Walsh both said that they had more happy years of marriage than unhappy years and they were both going to focus on that and be thankful and happy about that, not to be negative but keep thinking of the positive and hope for the best future.

I wish you a million times over the happiest 2012 and the very best for the future, you really are a beautiful person with such a lovely way of posting, you will go on to bigger and better things I am sure.:D

NickyBat

Awww Jane am sad to read your posts although not surprised if i'm honest. Like Victory said, i think most of us were rooting for you, and you are right you did everything you could and you can walk away with your head held high.

I too wish you all the best and look forward to the day when you come back to this thread and update us with the news you have met someone who deserves you.

TooSad

I have read my very first post and I cannot believe what a mess I was in. I have come so so far.

Half term has been an absolute turning point, I have spent it with family and friends and have started to turn the house into my own. I so want to stay here, but my OH has this grand idea of a pie in the sky figure that he thinks I "owe" him to buy him out.

I am currently waiting for my first solicitors appointment but I am clued up and know what I want.

My friends came round last weekend and said the "old jane" is back, up until then I had no idea what they meant, but now I do.

Thanks to every single one of you who supported me, virtually hugged me and pulled me up out of the pits of doom when I really needed it.

Lots of love
Jane xxxxx

victory

Keep happy Jane:D

Caroline_a

I have dipped into your thread OP on and off since you first posted, but today I read the whole thing from start to finish. I think you've done amazingly well, and you're going to have a great future. I see that your OH (ex OH now) is after some exhorbitant sum.. I have to say that reading a lot of what you've put it doesn't surprise me. I think you were always the strong one, you just didn't know it!

Good luck for all you do, because it's going to be wonderful!

TooSad

Caroline_a wrote: »

I have dipped into your thread OP on and off since you first posted, but today I read the whole thing from start to finish. I think you've done amazingly well, and you're going to have a great future. I see that your OH (ex OH now) is after some exhorbitant sum.. I have to say that reading a lot of what you've put it doesn't surprise me. I think you were always the strong one, you just didn't know it!

Good luck for all you do, because it's going to be wonderful!

Thanks Caroline_a.

At the start of all this I didn't think of myself as being string at all, I thought of myself as a failiure. Looking now I know that as each day, week, month passed I am in a stronger position both mentally and physically.

Whatever is going to happen with me, I will make sure its amazing. I am not going to live my life with any regrets. I think if I can conquer everything life has thrown at me for the last 2 years then I can conquer anything.

I think when the time is right I will print this thread off and put it somewhere to remind me and any children I should have in the future how you can overcome the crap life throws at you, and that I am an incredibly strong person, I just lost my way a bit due to the fragilities of life.

Much love
Jane xxxx

Parva

Hi TS, I've just read this thread from beginning to end and have to say that you're an absolute inspiration! You have probably educated a good few men on the workings of a womans mind throughout your posts too. I don't know if you've ever read 'Men are from Mars, women are from Venus' but what it goes into detail about is the different way that men and women think. Men just want to solve problems, whatever is wrong they just want it fixed whereas women want to talk about the problem. Women don't necessarily want an answer, they may just want to sound the problem out on someone. The problem comes when men only want to give an answer to fix whatever's wrong, the woman may not actually want that. Gawd I'm typing this badly, I know what I want to say but it's not sounding right. lol

Anyway as I was saying, it's been very enlightening being able to 'see' your thought process from a mans point of view, indeed I feel like a bit of a voyeur now! Kinky indeed. The bit about him buying you a present that you had only briefly mentioned lead you to post about how he must have been listening to you. Now me (and most likely) him would have siezed on that brief mention of what you wanted as our minds would be working overtime wondering what to buy you. He probably was listening but at the same time it was likely going in one ear and out of the other until that one gift idea clicked a cog in his brain and there was that eureka moment. It was enlightening to see the importance you placed on that one gift, to us it would just be relief at getting a 'get out of jail free' card. I kid you not!

I'm so sorry to see that the ending wasn't a good one (as far as the relationship goes) but reading about you getting stronger and stronger and him still not being able to communicate was saddening. I would give my eye teeth to have such a strong and inspirational wife like that! Frankly he never deserved you and one day he will look back and realise what he's lost.

Just for the record I split with my ex-wife 6 years ago and we've been divorced for 4 years. We had been together for 21 years, married for 16 of them and had a son and a daughter and one day she decided that she wanted to call it a day because she "didn't love me anymore". I moved out with my son, daughter stayed with her mum. I was heartbroken, I was 39 years old and had clung onto the "life begins at 40" ideal since my mid-30's and here it was, in tatters.

She too went through depression which started probably 5-6 years before the eventual split. Looking back I know that I went into my own shell too and wasn't there for her when she needed me. There was a complete communication breakdown. Over the last year or so she too started going to the gym and getting out a bit more during the day and I can see so many similarities in how you both went from being so low to giving yourselves that kick and getting your self-esteem back.

When I started reading this thread I have to be honest and say that it has gone exactly the way I suspected it would. I think once that love has been lost, I don't think it's possible to get it back. Ironically, I did suggest marriage counselling to her and she refused, she would have nothing to do with it, much like your soon to be ex-hubby. Do I believe it would have fixed it in either case? No. I think that once that flame has been doused it cannot be relighted. I'm sure there are exceptions and there will be some that jump on this thread saying they've sorted their relationships after a break and good luck to them, but I think in general that it's just too late when it gets to this stage.

I did have a girlfriend for some time after the break-up of my marriage and it was the tonic I needed to stop brooding about my ex but alas it fizzled out in time due to the distance (in miles, not romance) between us. Still, much like you have alluded to many times here, I said some things that I thought nothing of and then we would get chatting on MSN and every single word I had said was thrown back at me in an angry fashion! It's so easy for men to think nothing of what they have said and for the woman to take it completely the wrong way. I really must read that men are from Mars book again! lol

Anyway, I'm single now and alas lost my leg last November (2011). Well, not lost as in phone the lost belongings counter at the local bus depot, lost due to amputation. Went on holiday to Cyprus, broke my femur day before I came home and it was discovered that I had bone cancer and I could lose my leg or lose my life. Tough choice eh? Regardless, I'm happily single and me and my son often have our men behaving badly nights and absolutely love it.

Anyway, enough of my wittering. All I do know is that that weak man has lost himself one hell of a lady, any man would be proud to have such a lovely, bubbly, energetic and intelligent woman by his side. That man is out there waiting for you and you WILL find that soulmate who will be there for you during the good AND the bad times. Take care Jane.

Dave xx