Those who are waiting to TTC

Nicky_Noo_Na

Hi astridat!

I would definately be taking folic acid if I was you and there's no harm in a regular multivitamin.

Are you waiting for anything in particular in the next year or do you have a job/house/money etc sorted out already??

My OH and I are pretty finacially stable but were working out some finances yesterday and realised that if go part-time as I'm hoping to and paying for childcare (and all the regualr bills obviously) we'll have very little money left each payday - argh! Not a reason not to of course but even more determined to save a bit more in the next year or so.

Nicky_Noo_Na

Hi daisiegg - thats really bad luck to break your foot on the day you get married! Hope it didn't spoil the day too much. Hope you manage to make a decision on the TTC front, I've really enjoyed being married for a couple of years but then babies definately come to mind very often at the mo! Were you together long before you got married and have you lived together long? If not then I can see why you want to enjoy couple time but if you've lived together for say 10 years and then got married it might not seem so important? Not forgetting you have to get pregnant and then wait 9 months for baby to come so you could still have nice plans over the year or so, lol! Anyway, good luck!

astridat

Nicky_Noo_Na wrote: »

Hi astridat!

I would definately be taking folic acid if I was you and there's no harm in a regular multivitamin.

Are you waiting for anything in particular in the next year or do you have a job/house/money etc sorted out already??

My OH and I are pretty finacially stable but were working out some finances yesterday and realised that if go part-time as I'm hoping to and paying for childcare (and all the regualr bills obviously) we'll have very little money left each payday - argh! Not a reason not to of course but even more determined to save a bit more in the next year or so.

We have our own home and we are lucky that we will have my young, capable mother for childcare. We both work however my husband is looking for a new job that has slight less hours (or a shorter commute) as he wants to have more time for family. But other than that we are pretty ready.

Up until now its mostly been a case of fitting the idea of pregnancy around our holidays!

afoolandhermoney

Well, I'm sat on the sofa in the dark having a cry. Yet another friend has announced their pregnancy. On top of my BFF, my cousin, and three others in my wider circle of friends it currently feels like *everyone* is expecting but me. And it's not even all first babies! Half of them are onto their second. I just want a chance to TTC but we're no where near being I. A position for that financially.
I just can't stop crying and my OH just doesn't get it. He really doesn't want to have a family where we currently live and we won't be moving anytime soon.
I just don't know what I can do. People are always asking us when we're going to have kids, and I just don't think I can handle it any longer

daisiegg

afoolandhermoney wrote: »

Well, I'm sat on the sofa in the dark having a cry. Yet another friend has announced their pregnancy. On top of my BFF, my cousin, and three others in my wider circle of friends it currently feels like *everyone* is expecting but me. And it's not even all first babies! Half of them are onto their second. I just want a chance to TTC but we're no where near being I. A position for that financially.
I just can't stop crying and my OH just doesn't get it. He really doesn't want to have a family where we currently live and we won't be moving anytime soon.
I just don't know what I can do. People are always asking us when we're going to have kids, and I just don't think I can handle it any longer

Oh, no you poor thing sending huge hugs.

Isn't it s**tty that so many people who are ill equipped to bring up children just pop them out without thought or planning (the programme 'Skint' springs to mind) when sensible people who will make great parents can't afford it? It seems so unfair

What is wrong with where you currently live? Is it space in your home, or the area? If it is the area, could you maybe try and talk to your partner about it a bit more? I know I spent the first 10 years of life in a REALLY dodgy area. My parents were young, intelligent, university educated, and owned their home (one of few who did - it was an ex council property in an estate where most houses were still council houses) so as a family we stuck out like a sore thumb. However, as a child, it barely touched me. I had a fantastic childhood and my lovely parents would have given us that no matter where we had lived.

I hope you feel better soon sometimes having a good cry can help.

daisiegg

Nicky_Noo_Na wrote: »

Hi daisiegg - thats really bad luck to break your foot on the day you get married! Hope it didn't spoil the day too much. Hope you manage to make a decision on the TTC front, I've really enjoyed being married for a couple of years but then babies definately come to mind very often at the mo! Were you together long before you got married and have you lived together long? If not then I can see why you want to enjoy couple time but if you've lived together for say 10 years and then got married it might not seem so important? Not forgetting you have to get pregnant and then wait 9 months for baby to come so you could still have nice plans over the year or so, lol! Anyway, good luck!

Thank you no, we have only been together for 4 years, though we have lived together for more than 3 and a half of that. So that is why we want to enjoy some married couple time before becoming parents. However my husband is 40 so we don't have all the time in the world.

afoolandhermoney

Thanks Daisiegg
I should say, all my friends make (or about to make) amazing mums.

We've a two bed house (at the minute the spare room is in use as OH's office, but we could budge up and make space if we needed to). Its really just the quality of the area that's the issue - its turning into "bedsit land" around us with some rather undesirable tenants (noise, drug dealing, violent crimes) so we both really want to move before we have kids. Its just that I'm getting to know people in the town a bit more and see that although our street's not great the town in general isn't that bad, and even has nice areas.
I try talking to OH but he wants to move more than he wants a family and I'm realising that I want a family more than I want to move.
Started off again with the tears - shouldn't have logged on at work. Think I'm just really hormonal at the moment and taking it all to heart a bit much (only get a period about every 2 years - I'm on cerazette - and its been about 20months since my last).

wangdoodle

Hugs to afoolandhermoney and anyone else in need.

I'm feeling quite awful at the minute. OH has been a complete @rse lately, very inconsiderate. He seems to be in no hurry to commit to anything that could interfere with his lads lifestyle.

I am turning 35 :eek: soon and worry about my chances. I would really have preferred to be married before trying and he knows this but it seems of little concern to him. There are no signs of a proposal, and even though he says he wants kids it always seems like this is a distant dream for the future and not any time soon.

Sorry for ranting ladies. I just feel so fed up

WD x

afoolandhermoney

Wangdoodle
Hugs back

I guess men just don't have the same biological pressures we have so they can think "maybe one day" for a lot longer than we can. I'm 33 and in the last 5 years when it comes to wanting kids I've gone from "h*ll no!", through "maybe one day" to "definately, and it can't be soon enough"

How key is being married? are any of his friends settled down? he might be more willing to move away from his lads lifestyle if he sees his friends doing it.

louby_lou

Hey ladies - sorry to hear that some of you are having a bad time at the moment. Its not rosy here either. I feel in a bit of a depressed state.

The only thing I can suggest which might be of use to people in various different situations is to combat the feeling of helplessness by (my favourite) planning.

If I look back on my own experiences I felt much the same when we (well I) were desperate to buy a house - that it was out of reach, nothing could be done, or it was so far away that I felt that I couldn't get motivated - and I was aware the journey would be long and not necessarily fun. The only way I got past it was planning the saving and learning as much as I could about the process of house buying.

That's a bit like how I look at TTC - preparing, saving and trying to get myself to a place where physically and psychologically I feel I'm in a position to do this. We have discussed becoming parents and now I think we need to identify our barriers and consider how we we get around them.

If we are all keen to press ahead with TTC at some point then lets stick together and address our concerns here - even if its just a sounding board and no one has the answers its certainly better to do so here than keep it in (or worse, do what I invariably do and end up rowing with the OH and ruining much chance of potential baby creation).

Hope everyone has a good weekend and things start to improve for us all.