Those who are waiting to TTC

rubyinamountainofrocks_2

Hello everyone

Just been catching up on the thread.

Ellie83, I think browneyedbazzi's post hits the nail on the head when it comes to your mother's attitude, don't let it get to you.

In reply to how old are we/do we have children I am in a similar situation to daisiegg. I am 21 and have no children but OH is 43 and has an adult daughter. He also has a baby grandson!

Optimistic-mummy - you sound like an amazing person & I am sure you are a great mum and hope your little one will be very proud of you. The poem you posted was incredibly cute.

Browneyedbazzi - congrats on the job, well done!!

COMP - thanks for popping by and answering everyone's questions! And thank you for starting this thread - the number of people posting shows how great the need for it actually was.

Everyone else - hugs for everyone who needs/wants one & good luck with whatever steps you are taking.

blondy24

Hello,

Have a lot of catching up to do on this thread and a lot of the discussions are new for me. OH and I got some vitamins at the weekend and have started taking them as going to start trying in January next year, sooooo excited and busy planning our wedding atm, so that is why I haven't posted on this thread as much as I would like to.

Have had hormones exploding yesterday and didn't help with the fact that OH has three children and two came to stay at the weekend and made me realise that I am still childless and not a mummy Oh well have got the headache and period pains to deal with today instead haha!!

Congrats Browneyedbazzi on the new job, excellent news. I know another year sounds a long time before thinking of TTC but it will fly by, OH and I were talking about the fact that we have lived in our house for nearly two years but doesn't feel that long. Least you will gain lots of knowledge on this thread in the meantime.

BabyMad

Hello Blondy

It sounds like our situations are similar - I'm planning my wedding (well more like waiting for the date to arrive as we are getting married in 4 weeks) then TTC in January too.

When are you getting married?

Congratulations on the new job Bazzi!!

browneyedbazzi

Thank you all

Blondy - A year does feel like a long time to me...mostly because it'll mean my chances of having a little one before 35 are slim to none which I wish wasn't the case because of all the increased risks. I think the time will fly though because there is so much to do...moving to a new area, settling in at home and to a new job. Last week I was really excited and over the weekend we went and drove around perspective new neighbourhoods etc and narrowed down where we want to move (really pleased with that because there's a town near to my new job that looks just like a place I used to live and absolutely loved).

Today I'm feeling a little bit stressed because there is so much to do! I have all sorts of things to tie up at my current job (and I'm currently covering for two members of staff who are off) and there's all the finding a place/packing/moving to sort out. I think once it's all done life will be so much better, but the next 6 weeks or so will be a nightmare!

cinny - I had a hope chest when I was young. At home they're used to put things in when preparing to move out of your parents' home and into your own first home. I suppose the natural progression is to use it for baby things once you don't have to prepare for your first home any more!

Ellie83

Ellie83, I think browneyedbazzi's post hits the nail on the head when it comes to your mother's attitude, don't let it get to you.

Yes I agree, excellent advice It's just that I know it's her illness making her say things like that. She is turning quite bitter and whiney at the moment. I know it sounds awful for a daughter to say that, especially as mum can't control what goes on in her brain, but this depression has had a HUGE negative impact on my life, and even now that I am miles away, it keeps pervading my private life. I want to help, truly, but I'm only a daughter, and not a very good listener

Anyway, all these baby things that I don't even know existed :eek: I'm going to be completely lost.

Cinny, we have some sort of hope chests in France, but it's usually the mother keeping some baby stuff to pass down to the next generation. So for example my mum has a little chest full of baby clothes that I used to wear and that she probably will give me once my husband and I have a baby Speaking of which, I really want our future LO to be baptised in my husband's christening robe/gown (I don't really know how to call it!). I wonder if my MiL kept it... I won't ask her though. Because if my mother is over eager over the prospect of maybe becoming a grandmother one day, my MIL couldn't care less. In fact, she does not hide the fact that she hates babies and children :rotfl: One day, she even told me that if she had her chance again, she probably would not have children :eek: Never shared that with my husband as I think MIL was feeling depressed at going through a divorce and feeling like she wasted her whole life. Because I'm sure she loves her children!!!

Ellie83

A year does feel like a long time to me...mostly because it'll mean my chances of having a little one before 35 are slim to none which I wish wasn't the case because of all the increased risks.

Think of it like this: if you're healthy, the risks won't be greater if you're 34 or 35 or even 36/37. It's the 21st century, my friend is in her early 40s and is pregnant with her second. Yes, she is considered "high risk" because of her age. But it's because they have to, just in case. A bit like they decided that at 25 you're more at risk of cervical cancer so should get regular smear tests. You're not more at risk at 24 than at 25, if you see what I mean.

Having said that, I do understand why it'll be hard to wait a whole year. But just think of the maternity benefits you'll have and how much easier it'll make your life. xxx

Toothfairy4

Anyone else struggling with the shall we buy a house before having a baby debate? So unsure what to do. If we buy a house it will take a while to save back up the amount we need to cover maternity leave and if we have a baby while renting it will take forever to save up another deposit!!

browneyedbazzi

Toothfairy4 wrote: »

Anyone else struggling with the shall we buy a house before having a baby debate? So unsure what to do. If we buy a house it will take a while to save back up the amount we need to cover maternity leave and if we have a baby while renting it will take forever to save up another deposit!!

In a perfect world I'd like for us to be in a home of our own but in reality I don't think I'd wait longer for that reason alone. To me it would be ok to be in a rented house for the first little while if that's the way things work out...people make do with a lot less and in much worse circumstances than I am in so i think we'll cope with whatever is thrown at us.

If I was 10 years younger my thoughts would probably be different though!

We do have a deposit saved up for a house and wouldn't need to touch it because our incomes would cover all the necessities so the worry about needing to re-save wouldn't be a consideration for us.

Ellie83

Toothfairy4 wrote: »

Anyone else struggling with the shall we buy a house before having a baby debate? So unsure what to do. If we buy a house it will take a while to save back up the amount we need to cover maternity leave and if we have a baby while renting it will take forever to save up another deposit!!

A difficult one Toothfairy. It depends on how good your LL is. I personally wanted a house before having a baby, but it was not essential as I have had, so far, a good relationship with the LA. So I would not have worried about not having a stable tenancy.

How much are you looking to save, if you don't mind me asking?

Also, have you tried to work if you'd be better off paying a mortgage than renting? We're buying a 2 bed house with off street parking and a garden in a quiet location. The mortgage is less than our rent for a 1 bed flat. If we had rented a 2 bed house like the one we're buying, it'd have cost us even more.

Downside: we can't go to the LL if the boiler breaks or if we have leaky pipes...

browneyedbazzi

Ellie83 wrote: »

Also, have you tried to work if you'd be better off paying a mortgage than renting? We're buying a 2 bed house with off street parking and a garden in a quiet location. The mortgage is less than our rent for a 1 bed flat. If we had rented a 2 bed house like the one we're buying, it'd have cost us even more.

Downside: we can't go to the LL if the boiler breaks or if we have leaky pipes...

Very good point ellie! We've been looking at where to move for my new job and have looked at both rental prices and buying prices to see what areas we can afford. We'll definitely rent for a while before buying just to make sure we get on with the area etc but really want this to be our last big location move so want to rent in the town we will buy in. Anyway, rental wise, the market is really competitive as there isn't a lot of rental property available and it has driven prices way up - to get a nice rental place that meets our needs (2 beds, with parking) we'll be paying £200 a month more than we'd pay on a mortgage for a 3/4 bed house in the same area :eek: