Those who are waiting to TTC

Ellie83

Thanks for the reply regarding Moses baskets Because I have no idea how fast a baby grow, I would probably go down the cot route anyway. And if I were to use a second-hand Moses basket, I will of course change the mattress Oh and also steam the thing to death If it cannot stand the heat of the steam cleaner then tough :rotfl:

Anyway, I have an inkling we will be drowned in baby things, especially from my mother. She is very eager to become a grandmother and always reminding me how "she is not a grandmother yet but everyone around me is". Especially true after my younger cousin became a father a few days ago. Now don't get me wrong, I can understand. But sometimes, it really hurts. Like she sees me as some kind of provider of grandchildren. I'm her daughter for crying out loud! I almost cried on the phone yesterday because I told her that I was afraid PCOS means I'll never be able to have a child (one of my biggest fears). She then went on to say how horrible to it'd be for her, how she wouldn't have anything to live for then, etc. What the... And her daughters? And her husband? (I must precise here that my mum is clinically depressed and has been for over 20 years, under medication and seeing a therapist but nothing is improving...). Have you had this problem? I don't want to antagonise my mum, but my worth as a human being is not determined by becoming a mother. I am my own person, not because of my uterus but because of my soul/mind/personality (take your pick). I am sorry for all the venting. I don't know why, but I suddenly had the need to share as it's been weighing on me for so long. And it's only the tip of the iceberg

lilymay1

sammy_wheeler wrote: »

one thing i woud say- and that goes for cots too-- is make sure you have a brand new matress (not the same one you have used for a sibling or only used once by someone else)

Why? Totally unnecessary. The matress my son currently has was used by both my brothers children. It was very expensive when they bought it and I was more than happy when they offered it to me.

I agree that I wouldn't use a matress from a stranger but from family I was perfectly happy to.

browneyedbazzi

ellie - you are absolutely right that your worth as a person is not linked to whether or not you have children. If your mother sees things that way then that is her problem and not yours! It's quite sad that a grown woman and mother can make such self-centred and unsympathetic comments to her own daughter. Please try not to take it to heart - it is a reflection of her own internal problems and not about you. I am sure there are a lot of people in your life who appreciate you for a million other reasons and wouldn't dream of thinking less of you if because you may not have a baby (although I really hope for you that you do one day of course!!).

sammy/lilymay - I don't have any family here with little ones so will probably end up buying new or second hand furniture from strangers so I would want a new mattress, but I really don't understand sammy's comment about not even re-using a mattress from a sibling. Is there some logic behind this that I'm not aware of? Provided you know it was looked after properly and kept clean etc then what's the problem with re-using it?

amus

browneyedbazzi wrote: »

sammy/lilymay - I don't have any family here with little ones so will probably end up buying new or second hand furniture from strangers so I would want a new mattress, but I really don't understand sammy's comment about not even re-using a mattress from a sibling. Is there some logic behind this that I'm not aware of? Provided you know it was looked after properly and kept clean etc then what's the problem with re-using it?

Its down to personal choice really. They do advise to get a new matress for a new baby but I think as long as you know the history of the mattress it isnt a problem.

I wouldnt use a mattress from a stranger but DS1+2 have used the same cot/moses basket mattresses.

I found my moses basket useful for downstairs but the the pram carry cots are just as good/do the same job in the first couple of months. I used a cot upstairs from birth.

I always say to my Mum, with the amount of advice you have to follow these days with babies its a wonder the human race ever survived in the past!!

sammy_wheeler

the information i put before (re siblings and mattress) was to reduce cot death (sudden infant death)
ive just rang the society and they say thier guidance keeps changing (i find this very annoying!- but suppose this happens with everything!) their current guidance is that they recommend buying a new mattress for every new child- but if you can't afford one then you need to make sure that it is clean, rip free, no cracks, no tears, waterproof, it fits the cot/moses basket, cot bed, doesn't sag, never put a pillow under babies head, make sure baby sleeps on back,and that baby is at the end of the cot (with feet at end of cot/moses basket), the safest place for the baby to sleep is their cot (providing all the above guidance is done)- and not your bed, the sofa. and their guidance actually says that the baby is safest is their cot in the same room as you.
they said that recently they changed their guidance on siblings using the same mattress- they used to say this was a huge no-no. They said that the toxics in the mattress festure (mould grows etc) and this is dangerous for the second child.


i think for me- i would buy a new mattress everytime- cot death such a horrid thing and i want to do everything i can to prevent it and spending £30 on a new mattress each time is nothing in the grand scheme of things.

and- you HV/midwife etc will keep you updated on the upto date guidance.
oh and also while i was talking to the society about cot death before they mentioned they have updated their guidance on swaddling and they feel this is a factor into sids.- you need to make sure babies head isnt covered and only use thin materials

some stats- 254 sudden infant deaths in england/wales in 2010! shocking!

browneyedbazzi

Thank you for the info sammy - I'd never heard such a thing before!

I'd love to see what actual evidence they have for a link between a mattress being used for more than one child and increased risk of SIDS.

It strikes me that 'advice' from various sources changes quite often and maybe that's because they don't wait for good quality evidence before issuing new advice. They seem to give new advice on the back of small, poorly controlled studies or new theories that haven't even been tested yet. It all seems counter productive to me because if you change your advice all the time then people will get tired of it and just stop listening to what you say. It's also unfair on the parents who are yanked too and fro (and spending money buying things) trying to follow all the advice that turns out to be nonsense a few months later.

I'll be a nightmare to whatever midwife or health visitor I get assigned to because I question everything!

sammy_wheeler

does anyone else get really moody when they ovolute? i ovulate every month and get pains, (tmi) mucas (right word?) and moody
seem to get more hormonal at this time rather than time of period.
no question really- just having a moan!
i know its good that i ovulate every month and this will be great when ttc- but isnt it annoying being a woman sometimes!!

browneyedbazzi

sammy - I haven't ovulated in years thanks to hormonal contraceptives, but I used to get horrific pains when I ovulated before going on the pill so I can sympathise. As for moodiness etc, I think that can come with any change in hormones. If you're really struggling perhaps you should speak to your GP? I never did so I have no idea if there's anything they can do, but it might be worth checking out as maybe there is something that could improve the problem or in case it is symptomatic of something else?

I hope it all passes quickly for you x

sammy_wheeler

thank you just wanted to moan really- not so bad that i need to see anyone- and im glad i know that i ovulate so when we start ttc in dec i know that bit is ok.

Cinny91

Interesting all the views on moses baskets!

We're unsure on either moses basket, or a glider cot. I think a glider cot will win in the end as it just seems more sturdy to me? Whatever we choose it will be second hand as it'll only get used for a matter of a month or two and I've been keeping an eye on local auction listings and they go for roughly £5-10. Then we'll move to the cotbed, which we have already chosen. I won't link it as it'll no doubt lead to a few of you lovely ladies trawling the website in a broody state!

Will admit I've started a bit of a baby shelf in the spare room. I stumbled across the idea of "Hope Chests" (I think it's a French and/or American thing?) someone described it as "crazy waiting-to-be-mums" thing. And I thought, hey, that sounds like me Makes things a lot sweeter too, and a "no pressure" feel, weirdly.