Those who are waiting to TTC

Kalama

Euro - I take it that means your OH has changed his tune again? You know if you need to vent we are here to soothe/support/slate all men as necessary xx

Mine pulled a blinder last night. Apparently, as I want kids and he isn't bothered, I don't get to make any demands (like him being there for the birth of any hypothetical poo-machine). He realised quite quickly that I wasn't very impressed with that.

Men :mad:!

euronorris

No, he's still beating to the same tune. But that's the problem. All his criteria for a perfect set up needs to be met before he will let us start trying. Won't compromise, won't back down, so essentially I am forced to go with HIS decision or leave.

Therapist says that is not fair, my feelings should be considered, and a compromise should be found. What I had originally suggested to him of 'ok, we wait a year for his job situation to be sorted, and if it isn't then we move into a bigger rented place and start trying anyway.' was rejected. Apparantly, that isn't a compromise, that's him giving in to what I want! He doesn't quite seem to get that by expecting me to go along with his decision, he's forcing it upon me!

I don't know.

emsbet

Big ((hugs)) Euro. I'm sorry he's still messing you around, I'm angry for you and wish I could come round there and give him a big kick up the *ss.

I think your therapist is right, you need to set a deadline and I don't think the end of the year is unreasonable given the length of time you've already waited. At the end of the day there is never a "perfect" time to have children but it is something that can't be put off forever.

xx

euronorris

Thanks Emsbet.

How are you?

xx

emsbet

euronorris wrote: »

Thanks Emsbet.

How are you?

xx

I'm not too bad, feel a bit in Limbo at the moment but nothing that time and patience won't cure

xx

euronorris

emsbet wrote: »

I'm not too bad, feel a bit in Limbo at the moment but nothing that time and patience won't cure

xx

((HUGS))!

Limbo sucks! I hope it passes soon.

xx

jencolescott

Hey everyone,

Can I join this thread too Im WTT for baby no 2 but I have a big goal of wanting to save the majority of a house deposit before trying so hopefully be trying at the end of this year. Looking to have close to £10k saved by then (fingers crossed)

Then the dream is to move late 2013 and be preggers hopefully at the same time. Always dreamt of moving to my dream home and decorating a new nursery

Exciting stuff - i just need the motivation to stick to it

lao_cat

euronorris wrote: »

No, he's still beating to the same tune. But that's the problem. All his criteria for a perfect set up needs to be met before he will let us start trying. Won't compromise, won't back down, so essentially I am forced to go with HIS decision or leave.

Therapist says that is not fair, my feelings should be considered, and a compromise should be found. What I had originally suggested to him of 'ok, we wait a year for his job situation to be sorted, and if it isn't then we move into a bigger rented place and start trying anyway.' was rejected. Apparantly, that isn't a compromise, that's him giving in to what I want! He doesn't quite seem to get that by expecting me to go along with his decision, he's forcing it upon me!

I don't know.

Sorry to hear that, hugs, I hope you manage to find a compromise with your OH so you can start TTC. I dont fully know your background so I hope i am not speaking (writing) out of turn, but has your OH made any suggestion of an alternative compromise? Seeing as he effectively dismissed yours.

This may not help and you might of already tried it I have found it effective with my OH when we keep going around in circles on the same issue to present both sides it to and request he suggest a solution. I think it appeals to his engineering brain :rotfl: , mostly i find if you are both looking at an impasse with a view to seeing how it can be overcome it can help.

an9i77

Hello, may I join you. I guess I am officially 'waiting to TTC' as of today, as had the conversation with mr. an9i77 last night and we've agreed to start trying for no 2 towards the end of the year. As no 1 was conceived by accident, i've never actually TTC or waited to TTC before. We hadn't even seriously talked about children before it happened as we'd only been together a short while!

My aim is to be pregnant by this time next year, which will mean a 2 1/2 year age gap which would be perfect (of course, it could take ages, but that's my aim)
I'm on a mirena coil, can anyone tell me if you have to have it removed a certain amount of time before you start TTC or does your fertility come back straight away?
I'm excited as we weren't sure at first whether to stick with just the one, but I love being a mum so much I want to do it again and have a little brother or sister for no 1!

euronorris

Thanks for the support ladies, and a big welcome to the newbies!

I discussed some things with OH last night. Just started out by asking him about his job, any news etc, and how long he was going to wait before saying 'enough is enough' and moving on from the company. Bad news is that he still isn't willing to leave them any earlier as he feels that either a promotion or redundancy is on the cards (as he's certain a buyout has taken place/about to take place). Good news is that his current contract runs out April 2013, so at the latest something definitive would happen then, and he's dropped the insistence that he be in a new job for at least a year before buying a place and starting to try. As April is only 4 months past the suggested deadline from the therapist (which I didn't mention to him at all), it seems very silly to end it all in December if I am still waiting then.

He assured me that he does want to have kids, and definitely with me and told me how much he is looking forward to it. That helps to make me feel better, and it's also much better to feel that as soon as something happens with the job, we will start on the baby making asap! And, as he's happy to do it either in UK or here, he said it's up to me where we raise the family (NL or UK). That last part is the thing that has helped most with this, as I no longer feel like he is calling all the shots over this, and I have some say and control.

So then we were discussing pros and cons of living here, and in the UK, schooling etc, and we even indulged in a little discussion about names we like and dislike.

Now, how the hell do I decide whether to raise the family here or in the UK???? There are pros and cons to both! We both feel that it would be very beneficial for the kids to grow up bi-lingual, but family back home in the UK is a big pull, particularly with my parents health and age to consider. We're very keen for them to be able to see their grandparents regularly, but my parents aren't up to all that travelling to and from. So that would mean we would have to do the majority of the travelling, which won't be easy or fun with small children. A lot to think about.

Hang on though, how could we do it in UK if he gets the promotion he wants here? Mmmm, need to double check that with him. Got quite late before we went to bed last night, so didn't take in absolutely everything.

Hope you're all well!

xx