Those who are waiting to TTC

bride2be2012

codemonkey wrote: »

Ok, may I just have a rant and be a horrible person for a minute or two please?

Look away if you don't want to read this.

I've just had 3 or 4 friends in a row announce their pregnancies on facebook. Now...it stings a little when anyone does it but one of them has just got me so angry at the world. She already has 4 kids. She's on benefits and had been boasting that she'd been to see a house she's getting and its huge. The father of her latest (5th) child is a guy that she gets into a "relationship" with for 2 weeks at a time, before they split up then a few weeks later they get back together again.

Am I getting this all wrong, getting married, buying a house, waiting until we can afford maternity leave or to buy a house that isn't a shoebox and until we're in the right place and worrying that it's not possible when other people are just popping them out with no way of financially supporting themselves?

:(:(

codemonkey, I know exactly how you feel on this one. We are the same as you - currently saving for our wedding in May next year, clear our debts, then looking to buy a house soon after, then saving up so I can take a full year on maternity.

Sometimes I think, 'no just sod it, lets just have a baby now, no-one else seems to bother.' Then reality (or my OH!) kicks in, and realise that I want a better life for our child than that, and by doing everything in the current order will hopefully provide a good solid start in life for our child.

clearing_out_my_pockets

codemonkey, I too have moments like that.

Case 1 - My cousin. Aged 22 (I think) she started seeing her boyfriend in April this year. She's now 16 weeks pregnant and has shot down to council offices to see about getting herself a flat.

Case 2 - Another cousin was trying to get back with her (soon to be) ex-husband in May this year. Her baby (not her husband's) is due at the end of March. It'll be her 5th - she's never worked.

Case 3 - Our best man brought his girlfriend down from Birmingham about 2 months into their relationship so that she could meet his mates. At the end of the evening, they announced that she was pregnant.

My nan was down a couple of weekends ago and she took me to one side and said "I'm so proud of you. You'll be the first of my grandchildren who has bought a house and got married before their first child is born. It probably would have been easier for you to just get pregnant and not think about providing a stable home for your baby, but well done to the pair of you for doing it the right way around. I'd like to give you some money for christmas and I want you to put it towards buying some baby stuff. Maybe the cot or a pram." Bless her. She doesn't even know we're going to be trying soon.

bigzippy

*delurks*

Comp - that's lovely of your nan! and well done on your weight loss too :T

*relurks*

clearing_out_my_pockets

Well done on your weightloss too littlezee

I was out for dinner with friends today and one of them is currently 9 weeks pregnant. Was soooooo hard not to say anything to her in front of our other friend. Despite not actually being able to TTC at the moment, I'm so jealous of her. Obviously I don't begrudge her - she's been married for three years now and has wanted this since the day she got married, but still....

mustBdebt3

I want to join. Pretty please.

Hubby and I finally want to have a child. Things are not perfect but if we waited for that then we wouldnt have children before I was at least 35.

We are both in debt and have zero savings so have agreed to delay TTC until May/June 2012.

I also need to lose a lot of weight. Currently c. 50lbs over weight. I am aiming to lose 37 of those by end of April 2012.

Will update my signature now.

Anyone else trying to lose weight before TTC?

Cookiee

Hi Ladies

Thank you thank you thank you for this thread. I thought I was the only one in the world (well my family and friends) who are not bed bouncing every day!

Let me introduce myself x I am 31 (shhh people still think I am 28 ) and OH is 38. I have am the eldest of 5 and so far all my brothers and sisters have had children. I have had a few medical issues where I keep getting pre-cancerous cells and also have PCSO and endrometriosis My doctors have advised me to have children sooner rather than later as my mum, 3 aunts, both nana's and my cousin all had either cervical cancer or overian cancer. They ALL had a hystrectimy (sorry for the spelling lol) by the age of 30. I have just surpassed this and my docs are saying I need to get a move on.

This has obviously given some sort of green light to my family and OH family to start niggling at me. Comments like "your not getting any younger" "the doctor has said you need to start having kids" to "it's not fair you not giving my brother any children .... he will be in his 40's when you finally decide to give him a child"!!!!!! :mad:

This had no doubtly put me under so much stress. I would love to have children now and barring a lotto win this is not going to happen. My OH has a back injury so is unable to work. I am the only income in the house and just keeping my head above water. I don't want to go on benefits. I want to save up enough to cover my maternity pay (which is shocking!) and I want to have all my debts (bar my mortgage) paid off. I am hoping this will be by July 2015.

I know I am on the wrong side of 30 and that I have a few blocks ahead of me but this is my decision.

Sorry I have rambled but this thread is so wonderful. It gives me hope and support that I can finally speak to people (wonderful people :T) who will be there to support me and have walked in my shoes x Thank you for letting me post and I look forward to hopefully getting to know you all a bit better xx

:A
Lv Cookiee

mustBdebt3

Cookiee wrote: »

Hi Ladies

Thank you thank you thank you for this thread. I thought I was the only one in the world (well my family and friends) who are not bed bouncing every day!

Let me introduce myself x I am 31 (shhh people still think I am 28 ) and OH is 38. I have am the eldest of 5 and so far all my brothers and sisters have had children. I have had a few medical issues where I keep getting pre-cancerous cells and also have PCSO and endrometriosis My doctors have advised me to have children sooner rather than later as my mum, 3 aunts, both nana's and my cousin all had either cervical cancer or overian cancer. They ALL had a hystrectimy (sorry for the spelling lol) by the age of 30. I have just surpassed this and my docs are saying I need to get a move on.

This has obviously given some sort of green light to my family and OH family to start niggling at me. Comments like "your not getting any younger" "the doctor has said you need to start having kids" to "it's not fair you not giving my brother any children .... he will be in his 40's when you finally decide to give him a child"!!!!!! :mad:

This had no doubtly put me under so much stress. I would love to have children now and barring a lotto win this is not going to happen. My OH has a back injury so is unable to work. I am the only income in the house and just keeping my head above water. I don't want to go on benefits. I want to save up enough to cover my maternity pay (which is shocking!) and I want to have all my debts (bar my mortgage) paid off. I am hoping this will be by July 2015.

I know I am on the wrong side of 30 and that I have a few blocks ahead of me but this is my decision.

Sorry I have rambled but this thread is so wonderful. It gives me hope and support that I can finally speak to people (wonderful people :T) who will be there to support me and have walked in my shoes x Thank you for letting me post and I look forward to hopefully getting to know you all a bit better xx

:A
Lv Cookiee

Hello cookiee

I will 29 soon. I also have PCOS. I had my scan and lo and behold the little cysts (b*ggers) were sitting on my blasted ovaries. lol. I have normal periods so dont think I have problems with fertility.

I too wanted to wait until I had enough savings to cover the 9 months of maternity leave where I would only receive statutory pay, wanted to own my own home, have paid off all debt, including overdraft....and the list goes on but I can't wait for that, especially with my condition and it would kill me if I left it so late that I physically couldnt have kids.

Life is too short. Dont get me wrong, I am not irresponsible. TTC will commence May/June 2012, which means that at least half of my debt would be paid off by then and the 9 months of pregnancy will be more than enough to save a decent amount.

Also, don't be ashamed if you have to be on benefits for a while (I might get flamed for this but I dont care). Its not like you are taking advantage of the system like others do. You would be genuinely in need.

I am not judging you and I know you want to wait until 2015 but what if its too late by then. Who knows the future. If I was in your position, which I am not, I wouldnt wait.

Like I said, I am not judging you. Promise.

Cookiee

Hi Mustbdebt3 :-) I know what you mean abou the cysts ;-( I used to be in so much pain every month that I would commonly be hospitalised and pass out. Used to be very embarressing at school but luckly my friends knew what was going on and my mum explained to the school so they helped.

I posted something about my debt on the debt board to see if there was anything I can do to try and bring forward the option of trying for a baby. i know that the longer I leave it the bigger the risk i would have not being able to have a child. However it is just not possible at the moment. I am left approximately £20 a month after bills and debt payment. Come January I have to go back onto full repayment mortgage which means I am going to have 0 left and will give me no leway to save for a baby.

If I was to say "sod it" this is my only chance and try for a baby, when it comes to maternity my wages will go from £1300 a month to £500 , which is less than my mortgage payment. so for 6 months I would not be able to pay for any bills, pay for food/clothing for my child etc etc. This is completely irrisponsible of me and Hubbie. I would not feel right and dont want to extend my debt when I can finally see the light.

My last payment on my car loan finish on the 27th July 2015 as well as my last payment on my personal loan and cc finish in August 2015. If I put all my money that I was using to pay debt towards a baby pot for at least 9 months, it will enable me to have the full 9 months off, give me enough to top up my SMP to cover all my bills and also give me a small pot of emergency fund for those unexpected "baby" things that always happen in the 1st year :-D

My heart breaks when I see people having babys now or when my family (both sides) put the pressure on about having children becuase of my medical issue. When people say they just afford it becuase if you plan you will never have one but I just cant see how it is possible? I would lose £800 a month if I was to fall pregnant between now and 2015.

I hope that with the support of people on here, I will be able to find the advice, money advice to hopefully bring the date forward and also would like to make some new friends too xx

Cheers Cookiee

clearing_out_my_pockets

mustBdebt3 wrote: »

Anyone else trying to lose weight before TTC?

Welcome (and welcome to cookiee too) :j

As you'll see from my signature, I'm also losing weight to TTC. I've found it's giving me something else to focus on which really helps when I'm feeling really broody

I'm definitely a spreadsheets girl when it comes to finances. We've currently stopped making overpayments against our mortgage and we're putting the money into a separate savings account. Once I am pregnant, I'll then stop my monthly 'emergency and holiday' savings and put those into the same account. By next December (the earliest I could be on maternity) we should have enough set aside for 7 months worth of mortgage payments. :T

euronorris

Good Morning Ladies!

And welcome to our newbies *waves*

Sorry for being MIA, but I was visiting family in the UK one weekend, then back here for work, and then back to the UK this past weekend visiting friends! Had a great time, but was completely knackered by the time I arrived home on Sunday evening, so I am very glad I had Monday booked off too!

And yeah, it can be sooo frustrating seeing people get pregnant when they are in a new relationship, or don't have a job etc etc. It has upset me so much in the past, but currently, it isn't upsetting me too much. I think part of that reason though is because of everything else we have going on at the moment. OH's brother seems to be on a downward spiral again atm (more so than usual), and I am fully expecting a call on Xmas Day to say he's done something silly again So frustrating, but there isn't anything we can do about it. Every time we've tried to help, it's been thrown back in our faces or completely ignored. Seems to be crying out for attention, yet he won't answer calls, emails of messages on FB (unless it suits him). *sigh* And seeing my nephew again a couple of wknds ago, who has doubled in size and weight since my last visit, made me realise how badly I need my wrist fixed before a baby of our own comes along. It was so painful picking him up and cuddling him, and would be a million times worse if I had to do that much more often as a Mum.

So, for me right now, the focus is on getting that op out of the way and letting the recovery begin. I saw the anasthesiologist last Thursday, and got the go ahead so I am now just waiting on a call to tell me when it will be.

Some positives are that I bought a new pair of boots this weekend which I love, I had a great time with my friends (nothing quite like shopping with your mates, rather than your OH who clearly doesn't like shopping! lol), and had a fantastic time with my family! Plus.....all Xmas pressies bought and sorted! GET IN! And....we are having our first Xmas alone, so no travelling around etc. And....work gives us a Christmas gift each year, and I chose mine today which is a nice kitchen set -Set of knifes in a block, wooden chopping board, oven dish with stand that has space for tea lights under it to keep the dish warm

OK....focus on the positive. Oh, but I do need to get rid of the extra lbs I've put on in the last month or so!

BIG hugs to all who need them.

xx