Those who are waiting to TTC

euronorris

emsbet wrote: »

It always amazes me how many companies there are out there who fail even to do the things that they are legal required to do! My best friend left her job recently after about four years and she told me she never even had a copy of her contract in that whole time!

I know it will take time but like my sig says, I'm not very good at being patient I just long to have my forever baby (like everyone here and on the TTC thread) but it seems like every time we think we are going to get there it gets snatched away. I'm starting to worry it's not meant to be.

xx

My Dad worked for a private school, for about 15 years, and they never provided him with a contract! The f*ck ups that OH's made with his contract, pay, payslips, tax, health insurance and travel reimbursement (a legal requirement they tried to insist he wasn't entitled to, but he is!) is quite astounding.

To be fair, I'm really lucky to work for a company that deals with financial compliance, including payroll, taxes and HR services. So each time they tried to lie to him, I spoke to peeps at work and then he was able to go back and fight his corner. I fear they would've screwed him over completely without that.

I understand how you feel sweetie. It's really bl00dy tough. ((HUGS)) (and chocolate and wine too )
xx

euronorris

COMP - well done on getting the mortgage deal sorted!

OH and I have spoken about adoption, and it is someting we will do if we find we can't conceive. It is a very scary process though, and long winded. I appreciate that they have a duty of care to the child and need to ensure that they go to the best home possible, but I can't help but feel they are too strict at times and so some children are missing out on good, loving homes.

I'm open to the idea of adopting older children also, but am not sure how OH feels about that. We'll cross that bridge when we come to it, I guess.

OK, some happier news - my new laptop arrived yesterday! OH has had his mitts on it and uninstalled are the junk programs on there that I don't need, and put on all the ones I do need, set up the network etc and installed WoW for me! It was ready at about 10.15pm last night, so I had a little play before heading to bed.

Super excited! Next stop is installing Skype and having some video calls with the family! YAY!!!!!!!!!

xxx

emsbet

bigzippy wrote: »

It is REALLY scary an idea, but I looked up adoption process and that was even scarier tbh there was only something like 7 babies under 12 months adopted in 2010... And they don't separate the stranger stats from the stats that relate to, say, a step dad adopting his partner's child etc either. The younger the child you want, the more of a process it is to prove you're worthy/capable too, and with my health I just don't think they'd approve us. And even if they did, it literally takes years to get a baby.

Sorry, went off on a depressing tangent there

I just hope I am one of those that gets the bfp just in the nick of time before the fertility people start weighing in...:cool:

DH and I have also talked about adoption since we lost Alex. It's still hopefully a long way off before we have to consider other options but it's good to know he's open to the idea. He's also said he's willing to try any fertility treatment if/when it becomes necessary which is good to know.

You are right it takes a scary amount of time to adopt especially if you want a baby. I do remember reading a campaign by The Times to get the government to change the system and quicken the process. They said they would but whether that will happen or not I don't know. I'd absolutely love a baby but if we went down the adoption route and it wasn't possible to adopt a baby I'd be open to adopting an older child. Some friends of ours adopted two older children (brother and sister) - I think that they were about 5 and 7. They are doing really well and call our friends mummy and daddy and they are the cutest kids

Hopefully you will be one of those people who gets their BFP just as they are going for fertility treatment. It happens quite a lot, you only have to look at people like Twigpig I've got my fingers crossed that will be you too

bigzippy wrote: »

I'm not comparing my ttc experience to your mc's, but I know that feeling...hence looking at adoption process Chin up chickadee, I know your next bfp will be your stickiest ever bean

I know what you mean. Neither of us have had the easiest TTC ride have we?! We will both get there!

xx

blondy24

Hello, hugs to all who need them.

Sorry to intrude on this thread again, just feel like I need some support today, feeling very emoticonal first couple of days of the month and can't stop thinking about having a baby. How do you all cope with waiting? Any tips would be gratefully received. Had a chat with family member last night who suggested waiting for 5 years until OH's children (who don't live with us) have grown up which made me far worse.

emsbet

Kalama wrote: »

Blurgh.......alarm went off at 5 this morning as hubby was being picked up for his flight. Been at work for an hour now and still having trouble clearing the marshmallow from my head. So pleased I'm only working till 2pm today.

Another grenade attack last night in the city - that's two in 24 hours. No explanation yet but it is inevitably linked to the fact the Kenyan military invaded Somali last week. I'm won't be going far from home over the next few days!

Me and OH occasionally talk about adoption. We would like our own but also quite like the idea of adopting. Close friends of ours are going through their second adoption and we have been privileged to have them share their adoption journeys with us - it has been inspiring, moving and incredibly joyful.

emsbet - one of my friends went through two mc before having her beautiful boy. It's completely understandable that you are not in an optimistic place right now but the rest of us are sending so many positive vibes your way xxx

Thanks I'll get there

BTW, grenade attacks! :eek:

xx

emsbet

I've just posted this link on the TTC website, not sure if anyone's seen it before. It's the website that goes with the "what to expect" books. http://www.whattoexpect.com/preconception/landing-page.aspx

It has lots of TTC articles but it also has quite a few waiting to TTC ones too. Thought they might be useful/helpful to someone

xx

emsbet

euronorris wrote: »

My Dad worked for a private school, for about 15 years, and they never provided him with a contract! The f*ck ups that OH's made with his contract, pay, payslips, tax, health insurance and travel reimbursement (a legal requirement they tried to insist he wasn't entitled to, but he is!) is quite astounding.

To be fair, I'm really lucky to work for a company that deals with financial compliance, including payroll, taxes and HR services. So each time they tried to lie to him, I spoke to peeps at work and then he was able to go back and fight his corner. I fear they would've screwed him over completely without that.

I understand how you feel sweetie. It's really bl00dy tough. ((HUGS)) (and chocolate and wine too )
xx

That's good that you were able to help him out with info but bad because you shouldn't have too! :mad: Some companies think they can screw their employees over and then wonder why the aren't productive or loyal to them!

Thanks for the hugs. Today is actually the first day I can have alcohol as I've been on strong antibiotics because of an infection I got from the mc. Definitely having a glass or two at the weekend

blondy24 wrote: »

Hello, hugs to all who need them.

Sorry to intrude on this thread again, just feel like I need some support today, feeling very emoticonal first couple of days of the month and can't stop thinking about having a baby. How do you all cope with waiting? Any tips would be gratefully received. Had a chat with family member last night who suggested waiting for 5 years until OH's children (who don't live with us) have grown up which made me far worse.

((hugs)) I don't really have any good tips on being patient. I was rubbish at waiting to TTC (DH wanted to marry before having kids and I wanted to get married but thought that was the thing that could wait - although it was the best day of my life and wouldn't change it now:)) and I would get so wound up about it.

Now we're TTC and the waiting hasn't stopped, we had our second mc two weeks ago and so we are now waiting to start again.

What I would say is don't let other people's opinions affect your plans. Why would you need to wait until your OH's children are older? Children have half siblings all the time and get on fine. A lot of them love having a baby to fuss over. As long as they know they are still loved and won't be loved any less when new babies come along I can't see why it should matter.

xx

softnwrds

euronorris wrote: »

Howdy COMP!

Thanks for starting the thread

I am in a similar position to you, in that I want/need to clear my debts first before TTC'ing. Maternity leave here is only 5 months,
x

It sounds like I want to write it about.Nw things have been changed a lot from last a few years. Marriage cost goes so huge we can't imagine or hesitate the truth.

zcrat41

emsbet wrote: »

What I would say is don't let other people's opinions affect your plans. Why would you need to wait until your OH's children are older? Children have half siblings all the time and get on fine. A lot of them love having a baby to fuss over. As long as they know they are still loved and won't be loved any less when new babies come along I can't see why it should matter.

xx

I'm with emsbet on this one.

I spoke to my Best Friend the other day whom I'm being Bridesmaid for in April next year. She was my Bridesmaid this year. On discussing dresses we had an open conversation about getting fat or pregnant! I told her I was coming off the pill now and would be actively trying come xmas so there'd be a small chance I might be pregnant. I said, in the unlikely event I'm 6 months pregnant I'm happy to either pay for all extra alterations or to basically be BM and help her out all day but not walk down the aisle in a dress. I did stress it's really unlikely to happen that quick - more likely I might be 1 or 2 months gone if everything goes well. I also explained really nicely that I'm in my 30's now (as is she) and I don't feel I've got time to hang around purely to look thin on her wedding day.

Although she was quite nice about it to my face I could feel the unspoken words "cowbag, you're not allowed to get pg before me as well as get married before me and then to look fat on my big day and ruin all photos'".

I may be exagerrating but needed a rant! Sorry!

blondy24

Thanks for your support and advice. I appreciate that it is our decision. It is very difficult when you so long for a child. I know that I am not too old but then not in my early 20's either. I find it hard as have been doing some sums and it will be a strain if we have a child due to paying child maintenance for other children and also a loan to his ex.....(that whole saga is a completely separate story with the kids etc!!) So I am determined to work my a**e off for the next year or so and try and save as much as I can for wedding and child however if I go back to work we will struggle with childcare costs.....Oh life is so unfair sometimes....Doesn't help when this feeling of broodyness doesn't go away....