Those who are waiting to TTC

bigzippy

euronorris wrote: »

She suggested that perhaps we should just go for it, as we can and will sort out the practicalities over time anyway, and continuing to put it off is obviously making me unhappy.

So, need to have a convo with the OH. I didn't bother last night as I was so tired, and still had some work to do once I got home etc.

Opinions please? Feel free to be honest.

euronorris wrote: »

It was originally a finance thing...
This isn't just a reaction to seeing baby bumps everywhere (thought it doesn't help!), as I have been wanting this for years, and for the last 18 months, have literally been waiting on finances and living arrangements to be sorted out. But I'm now feeling like I just can't wait any longer to get started, and there would still be time to sort out finances and living arrangements even if I fell pregnant tomorrow.

H'll, even if his work refused a permanent contract, it wouldn't be the end of the world. He had an interesting job offer, in Utrecht, just last week. And we could always return to the UK if needs be.

I appreciate the other comment (I think it was from COMP?) about asking the wrong people, but I think it's something you both seem to really want, and what the other guys have said about being "no right time" has it's merit too. I think when it comes to making&providing for family there's a line between responsible planning and "ideal". It would be ideal to have all those things in place first, but not essential (as you said up^^), but you certainly aren't being irresponsible - you both have jobs, a place to live, pay your bills, stable relationship etc etc. Why not do NTNP? Just see what happens...?

We waited (and waited and waited, it feels like!) to TTC, not especially because of finances in and of itself, but because of the stress it would put on me if I'd been preg/trying and worrying about finances at the same time. Now that it's taking a while, I wish we'd started sooner cos then (in my weird twisted logic) if it was gonna take x months at least we'd've started x months ago iyswim? I know we did the right thing, and the stress wouldn't've been healthy - but if it'd happened we'd've been fine too...:cool:

I don't know if over there you'd get any family/working tax credits/child support etc, but over here there is and it can make the difference between just getting by and being fine...iyswim?

euronorris

bigzippy wrote: »

I appreciate the other comment (I think it was from COMP?) about asking the wrong people, but I think it's something you both seem to really want, and what the other guys have said about being "no right time" has it's merit too. I think when it comes to making&providing for family there's a line between responsible planning and "ideal". It would be ideal to have all those things in place first, but not essential (as you said up^^), but you certainly aren't being irresponsible - you both have jobs, a place to live, pay your bills, stable relationship etc etc. Why not do NTNP? Just see what happens...?

We waited (and waited and waited, it feels like!) to TTC, not especially because of finances in and of itself, but because of the stress it would put on me if I'd been preg/trying and worrying about finances at the same time. Now that it's taking a while, I wish we'd started sooner cos then (in my weird twisted logic) if it was gonna take x months at least we'd've started x months ago iyswim? I know we did the right thing, and the stress wouldn't've been healthy - but if it'd happened we'd've been fine too...:cool:

I don't know if over there you'd get any family/working tax credits/child support etc, but over here there is and it can make the difference between just getting by and being fine...iyswim?

Thanks BZ. Are you really 18DPO BTW?

I don't think we'd get tax credits, or working benefits as such, but..........you do get assistance with the cost of childcare. A woman at OH's work, for example, is charged quite a lot by the nursery, but with the help from the government, it's only costing her €300pm in reality. And that is for the child to be at nursery from 8am to 6pm 5 days a week.

I would also get full pay during my maternity leave for 5 months, so it's not like we'd have to worry about a drop in income there, unless we decided I should stay at home or start working part time instead.

clearing_out_my_pockets

euronorris wrote: »

I would also get full pay during my maternity leave for 5 months

Note to self - move to Holland!

bigzippy

euronorris wrote: »

Thanks BZ. Are you really 18DPO BTW?

Put it this way: if I am it's either the shyest BFP ever, or the shyest AF ever! :rotfl: Nah, FF doesn't know what to do with me - I think it's my PCOS just messing with my chi tbh - cos I put in another temp and it took away the (tenuous) ov line it had for me. Does QQ's list have me at 18DPO? I've not even checked recently lol. (I'm actually on CD53 too, bored as hell with this cycle now...:cool:)

Have you spoken to OH now? I know there were a few things you wanted to straighten out before TTC, but I reckon that if you put everything in "ideal" and "essential" columns, you'll have the answer you need.

euronorris

Yeah, I saw your chart on FF, and I wondered if it was correct, or if FF was having trouble understanding your temps.

I didn't speak to OH last night as I was so tired, and started to feel a little unwell. I'd rather do it at the weekend I think, when we both have time to talk about it properly and take some time to think about it etc. Woke up with a cold this morning. Booo.

emsbet

euronorris wrote: »

I didn't speak to OH last night as I was so tired, and started to feel a little unwell. I'd rather do it at the weekend I think, when we both have time to talk about it properly and take some time to think about it etc. Woke up with a cold this morning. Booo.

Sounds like a good idea, that way you can spend the next two days forming a good arguement as to why you should go for it now! I think you should write a list of all the pros and cons or reasons why to wait and why not to wait (as I think someone suggested earlier - Zippy maybe?). If it was me I would make sure there were more reasons in favour of trying now - but then I'm naughty and impatient!

Boo to the cold!

xx

bigzippy

euronorris wrote: »

Yeah, I saw your chart on FF, and I wondered if it was correct, or if FF was having trouble understanding your temps.

I'm not convinced I'm oving still, tbh Euro. Temps all over the place and I've had EWCM for about 2wks now :shocked: I think my body knows it's supposed to do something but can't quite manage it, iyswim?:think: But I've now lost 25lbs so I'm going in the right direction for getting some help, thankfully. It's draining constantly being on alert to what your body's doing/not doing though, especially when you know you've not much chance of getting what you want from it any time soon

I didn't speak to OH last night as I was so tired, and started to feel a little unwell. I'd rather do it at the weekend I think, when we both have time to talk about it properly and take some time to think about it etc. Woke up with a cold this morning. Booo.

Hope you feel better soon, and I don't blame you for waiting til the weekend. I figure if deciding to TTC early makes either of you really uncomfortable/scared/stressed out then you'll know to wait anyway, iykwim? We waited until we weren't so worried about finances stressing me out while TTC/pg and were in a better position... one day both me and DH came to each other and just said (independantly) "it's time".

emsbet wrote: »

If it was me I would make sure there were more reasons in favour of trying now - but then I'm naughty and impatient!

You sound like me

euronorris

Conversation naturally headed that way last night. Basically it's a big fat no! Wants the job sorted and a house bought first. Refuses to budge on it. So we've gone from jan 2012 to possibly 3 years!!!

To say I'm upset is an understatement. And the cold is worse today. Happy Friday!

Birdie85

Oh no Euro, 3 years?!?! Maybe another conversation will bring him back round to a more attractive timeline once you've both cooled off and reflected, he's probably just getting a bit scared and needs to force it back for his sanity, but once he thinks about it he'll realise how amazing it'll be to have a baby. Hope the cold clears up quickly, you don't want to be snotty over the weekend! *hugs*

Watched OBEM USA last night and found out that my manager's daughter had a baby girl yesterday... feeling very broody this morning, despite the birth fears!

Magicboo

euronorris wrote: »

Conversation naturally headed that way last night. Basically it's a big fat no! Wants the job sorted and a house bought first. Refuses to budge on it. So we've gone from jan 2012 to possibly 3 years!!!

To say I'm upset is an understatement. And the cold is worse today. Happy Friday!

Oh Euro! I'm sorry for you that it didn't go that well . My DH swings from talking about things he'd do with our kids to saying he doesn't want to be like his Dad (walked out on him & his bro & sis when they were 12/8/4 and lost contact for a few yrs) so wants to "make sure he's sure" and then he'll swing back to talking about TTC in Oct/Nov. Keep Jan 2012 in your head as your time and do everything in your power to make him get the job sorted and the house sorted!
:grouphug:Big (slightly dodgy looking) hugs from everyone here :grouphug: