Those who are waiting to TTC

euronorris

I don't think so. He's very stubborn, so once he's made his mind up, that's it.

He has legitimate fears and reasons, I'm not denying that. And I completely understand his point of view, but we have differing opinions about doing it earlier. He isn't willing to do it now, and risk having to struggle. He wants to have the job sorted, and a house bought so that we are settled before the baby arrives and can offer the baby a secure home life. Having had his parents split when he was young, subsequently move around a lot and struggled for food at times, he is absolutely not willing to compromise on these things and risk having to move around a lot (a possibility if we were renting) or not have a 'comfortable' income secured first.

So I get it, I do, and I do agree with him in part. But I also can't help how I feel, and I resent the fact that the choice is essentially taken out of my hands, and is at the whim of his bleeding employer (who are about as useful as a chocolate teapot). He could take the other job offer, but he doesn't want to as there is a lot of stuff going on at his work at the moment. Having been through company merges and subsequent redundancy notices with them before (they've always offered him another job in the past), he recognises these signs, but also has reason to believe that they are trying to create a vacancy for him within the new, merged, company. So he doesn't even want to push it with them anymore, and would rather wait for the announcement.

From my point of view though, I'm waiting on them......again. ANd they don't exactly have a great track record and will likely string him along for the maximum time possible (until April 2013), before saying 'nah, actually, we can't do it, you'll have to return to the UK now', and then we'd have to move, and find somewhere to live. Or, he'll then look for another job here, but wouldn't be willing to buy anywhere until he's been in that job a year.

So, the announcement could be made today for all I know, or it could be worse case scenario and I just don't know how to handle that. I don't know if I can, but I don't really see what other choice I have.

I'm going to have to stop myself from looking at the TTC thread now. It's too painful. He's trying to be comforting, but the promise of 'We WILL have children, one day.' isn't comforting enough and I don't think he understands exactly how strong this desire is for me, as he doesn't feel it like I do, IYSWIM.

euronorris

Magicboo wrote: »

Oh Euro! I'm sorry for you that it didn't go that well . My DH swings from talking about things he'd do with our kids to saying he doesn't want to be like his Dad (walked out on him & his bro & sis when they were 12/8/4 and lost contact for a few yrs) so wants to "make sure he's sure" and then he'll swing back to talking about TTC in Oct/Nov. Keep Jan 2012 in your head as your time and do everything in your power to make him get the job sorted and the house sorted!
:grouphug:Big (slightly dodgy looking) hugs from everyone here :grouphug:

Thank you.

But, I think I will have to switch to thinking of 3 years away (much as that makes me cry), because thinking of it as Jan 2012, and then it doesn't happen, would crush me. I don't want to do that to myself.

Unless something changes soon, I may even bow out of this thread as I don't think I can face it, and I will make myself worse.

Gopppers

Hugs Euronorris xx

I hope everytihng goes well for you and if it is the case you will have to wait another 3 years, well try and fill your time with things you wouldn't have been able to do if you had a baby. I know it's no consolation, but you will find the time will fly by and you will be back here in no time!!

xx

clearing_out_my_pockets

euronorris wrote: »

Unless something changes soon, I may even bow out of this thread as I don't think I can face it, and I will make myself worse.

I'm sorry things didn't go well with your OH but please don't leave - baby talk is actually quite limited on this thread and you can always talk about finances etc

Wish I could come and give you a hug - then I'd knock some sense into your OH! It does seem a little bit unfair to let you think that Jan '12 was going to be your 'starting point' and then change the goalposts.

emsbet

Oh Euro,

I'm sorry the conversation didn't go how you wanted. I can understand why you are upset.
I don't have much advice to offer but I really and truely hope that your OH's work situation sorts itself out sooner rather than later.

Like Goppers said try to fill your time doing things you know you won't be able to do when you have children.

I understand why you would want to not be looking on the TTC thread - I look at the <12 weeks thread all the time thinking "that should be me", I don't know why I do it to myself but I can't help it but I know my time will come and yours will too.

Maybe take some time away from both threads then come back here when you feel like it would help you rather than make you feel worse. I hope you stick around though because I'd miss you as I'm sure everyone else would!

xx

emsbet

clearing_out_my_pockets wrote: »

Wish I could come and give you a hug - then I'd knock some sense into your OH!

^^^^ I'll come too!

xx

euronorris

clearing_out_my_pockets wrote: »

I'm sorry things didn't go well with your OH but please don't leave - baby talk is actually quite limited on this thread and you can always talk about finances etc

Wish I could come and give you a hug - then I'd knock some sense into your OH! It does seem a little bit unfair to let you think that Jan '12 was going to be your 'starting point' and then change the goalposts.

Thanks honey. I'll see how it goes, and how I feel cos I do love talking to you ladies!

I did say that to him. Our conversation was VERY honest (and yet, didn't descend into a HUGE argument). But, he only agreed to that because he still believed the contract would be in place by then, and it was before he started to notice things around the office which would indicate the merger and possible redundancies.

Now he's more of the mind of 'ignore them, and think of worst case scenario' in order to protect himself, and I from that happening again.

euronorris

Thank you ladies, I really appreciate the support and hugs xx

clearing_out_my_pockets

But having a contract doesn't mean you won't be affected by future rounds of redundancy - you could buy a house and then get made redundant in which case you're back to square one.

Sorry - I'm not really helping, am I???

I'm annoyed with my next door neighbours, by the way. I'm off sick today and am on here to stop myself from going round and having a go at them!

euronorris

That was my point also. But his point is, at least we would've started off right and done all we could to ensure security.

But, it could still happen before we start TTC, and then it could be something else and so on and so on and suddenly it's too late. What if it never happens? He assure me it will, but I'm not so sure with all these restrictions. And if I find myself at 35, and we haven't started yet, I think it would kill our relationship as I would resent him sooooooo much.

Oh God! What are the neighbours doing??