Those who are waiting to TTC

clearing_out_my_pockets

euronorris wrote: »

And if I find myself at 35, and we haven't started yet, I think it would kill our relationship as I would resent him sooooooo much.

You need to tell him this (if you haven't already). My friend and her DH discussed children before they got married. He said he wanted a year child free before they tried. A year after their wedding, he wanted to move into a two bedroom place. After they moved he wanted to wait until they've been on 'the holiday of a lifetime' as they won't be able to afford to do that with kids. She's been married three years now and is still on the pill. She's already starting to resent him a little.

euronorris wrote: »

Oh God! What are the neighbours doing??

I ordered a bracelet from Fossil and was sent the tracking details - supposed to arrive yesterday. I checked the tracking details at 7pm last night. Apparently delivered at 17.13 yesterday, signed by Louise. I called the delivery company, who spoke to the driver. He said that he'd arrived a bit after five, there was a man in the garden and a woman in the house who signed for it. I was at work and DH was at the hospital with his dad. So not me!

This morning there was a knock on my door. UPS man. VERY apologetic but also FUMING mad! He'd accidentally gone next door. The woman had signed my name, so he didn't realise he had the wrong house, so didn't know to put a note through our door saying where the parcel was.

BUT my next door neighbours knew they had it. I even saw her yesterday and she didn't mention it :mad:

euronorris

clearing_out_my_pockets wrote: »

You need to tell him this (if you haven't already). My friend and her DH discussed children before they got married. He said he wanted a year child free before they tried. A year after their wedding, he wanted to move into a two bedroom place. After they moved he wanted to wait until they've been on 'the holiday of a lifetime' as they won't be able to afford to do that with kids. She's been married three years now and is still on the pill. She's already starting to resent him a little.

I ordered a bracelet from Fossil and was sent the tracking details - supposed to arrive yesterday. I checked the tracking details at 7pm last night. Apparently delivered at 17.13 yesterday, signed by Louise. I called the delivery company, who spoke to the driver. He said that he'd arrived a bit after five, there was a man in the garden and a woman in the house who signed for it. I was at work and DH was at the hospital with his dad. So not me!

This morning there was a knock on my door. UPS man. VERY apologetic but also FUMING mad! He'd accidentally gone next door. The woman had signed my name, so he didn't realise he had the wrong house, so didn't know to put a note through our door saying where the parcel was.

BUT my next door neighbours knew they had it. I even saw her yesterday and she didn't mention it :mad:

I did tell him that, but he was adamant that it would happen one day so there was no need to worry.

I'm not so sure though. I feel I need him to agree that, even if financial things/home aren't perfect after 3 years, we will start trying regardless. If he can't agree to that, I'm not sure I can continue....

euronorris

Oh, the neighbours, sorry.

Cheeky barstewards!!!! I'm not surprised you're so angry! I think you should get round there and ask for the parcel!

RebekahR

EURO: I have been where you are now and it is the most painful bloody place on earth!
We have been together 9 years. Got engaged and and married at 7 years. Before that he strung me along. What changed his mind? I threatened to leave him for wasting 7 years of my life!! Ok so lets take you back to the beginning ... We rented for 4 years. During this time I wanted us to at least get married and then we could have kiddies when we settled down in a house. He wouldn't even have any of it on the marriage front and at this point my baby desires were the strongest you can get. I cried all the time and cried myself to sleep. Every mother and child and every couple cooing in their pram at their newborn and every man in the street holding his newborn was a kick in the ruddy teeth. TBH to some degree it is now. All he kept telling me was we would get married later later .. later ... I never had a time frame given so I just told myself there was no way on this earth I was ever going to be a mum. He clearly doesn't want to get married and if I'm having this problem with marriage when it comes to having a baby will be a nightmare. Even if I left him I might never find another man. So I pushed it deep inside and just concentrated on me and what I wanted. Tried to make my own business. We were buying a house so I thought similar to you that he just wanted us to settle down first and then when the time is right (that is never right) then we would do it. Moved into our new house and he still was giving me the later later routine even 2 years down the line so this is where I put on the pressure. If you don't want to marry me just tell me now and I will leave and be done with it as I can't take any more. (sorry going off at a tangent here!) Any ways he said I do want to marry you I just don't want the hastle. So I started planning guest lists and looking at venues ready so that no time would be wasted if he got on with it. He started having an imput and agreeing on who was coming who wasn't we even went to a bloody wedding fair!Unengaged!He never proposed and it got to a point where I couldn't do anymore without viewing venues and of course they want dates ... So now I was back to waiting for him. Thank goodness he eventually did it during one love making session he jsut blurted it out. He had told me he had been too scared to propose. And that it was the most scary thing ever. I said well don't bother with it. If thats all thats keeping you back lets just get on with it with out. But he would have none of it he had to ask. So fast forward he did it - we got married. I told him a few weeks after the wedding I wanted to start making a baby a year after marriage and I would give him a year to settle down after. How generous of me! He said ok but he wanted a spring baby so rather than start last September he wanted to put it off to June. It's now July and we have as you know started ttcing. But my problem is I am still stuck in my mindset of that I will never have a baby. God help me when I get my BFP!

So basically you need to work out how long you can comfortably wait for. Depends on your age to maybe. It did for me. I wanted my first before I was 30. So I won't have my 1st but I might be pregnant by the time i'm 30 instead. Can you realistically wait 3 years? I can see his point of view too. But he has to think of you also. If you can't wait then maybe it's time to threaten him with leaving too. Only you know what you can cope with but it's painful as hell. I think tbh if he had told me 3 years I would have been off. But depends how long you been together too. Good luck though! x

RebekahR

euronorris wrote: »

I'm not so sure though. I feel I need him to agree that, even if financial things/home aren't perfect after 3 years, we will start trying regardless. If he can't agree to that, I'm not sure I can continue....

Make it known to him plain and clear. You might sound like a nagging old bag but it needs to be strong. Especially on something as important as this. Men at heart really are like children. And we need to set the ground rules. Ok so this is what you said so this is what we are doing. If you change from it i'm off as it is cruel to string me along. I would try and negotiate the 3 years thing. TBH that sounds like a cop out and trying to say it so far in the distance he is hoping you will forget by then ...

euronorris

RebekahR wrote: »

Make it known to him plain and clear. You might sound like a nagging old bag but it needs to be strong. Especially on something as important as this. Men at heart really are like children. And we need to set the ground rules. Ok so this is what you said so this is what we are doing. If you change from it i'm off as it is cruel to string me along. I would try and negotiate the 3 years thing. TBH that sounds like a cop out and trying to say it so far in the distance he is hoping you will forget by then ...

It's all so dependant on the job. He's said that if he gets a local contract tomorrow, we'll immediately look for a house and as soon as the deeds are signed, start trying.

So it could be sooner. But he was adamant we wouldn't start trying until the job is secure and house has been bought. Trouble is, 3 years is my absolute maximum (and in honesty, I may not even make it that far). So, I need extra reassurance from him that we'll go ahead at this point anyway. Without that, what have I realistically got? A lot of 'laters' and that's it. Where would he draw the line and say 'let's do it before it's too late'? WOuld he even reach that point? Or would he rather not have children in that case?

More talking to be done still.

RebekahR

Yes exactly. Your in limbo. If he won't do it any way afte that time then you need to think how far you can cope. Set him boundaries of what you expect. Then if the time comes he still doesn't want to do it - he can't say he never knew. You set the boundaries from day 1. The later later later is the worst place to be in. I was lucky he knew he had to if he wanted to and was given the do it now or I leave. And it hit him I'm being serious and I have had enough. For someone else that might not be enough and he might not care enough. So you might actually have to leave. And that is the thing that broke my heart more than anything. But hey ho life deals us this trash sometimes it works for the good sometimes it doesn't. So you need to haev a plan behind you incase it all goes boobies up the wrong way x

euronorris

I know.

I am going to have to be very honest with him, and let him know where my limits are. I don't think that it's that he doesn't care, I just think that his experiences as a child have impacted him massively as an adult, and I respect that.

But I also have to respect my own feelings and acknowledge that maybe we can't offer each other what we need anymore. It saddens me greatly, and is scary as hell, but I won't die.

A colleague at work has just confided in me that she's 5 weeks gone. I'm very happy for her, but obviously quite jealous and upset now. Can't wait for home time so I can go and curl up on the sofa with some tissues.

xx

RebekahR

We feel sad together today. Just been having a sob here. Fed up of feeling like I need to always give rumpy out. I have no sex drive whatsoever and fed up of feeling abnomral and being under pressure.

euronorris

RebekahR wrote: »

We feel sad together today. Just been having a sob here. Fed up of feeling like I need to always give rumpy out. I have no sex drive whatsoever and fed up of feeling abnomral and being under pressure.

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

Is it pressure from having to do it for babymaking, or from OH? If it's the latter, don't let him make you feel abnormal. We're all different and he needs to respect that!