This affects both of US

maggied_2

Why thank you Toriaterrier

End_of_tether_2

Hi everyone, encouraging and gratefully received words of advice/encouragement as always.

Kathyb1230; Being an engineer by trade I am very sceptical about acupuncture as it seesm like a dark art, that said I know a number of people who have had results with it for pain, aches and sleeplessness, even have a friend who swears blind that it helped him give up smoking(!!!!) Sounds like it might have been the venting that helped a lot too!! He he

Toriaterrier; I am trying to convince the wife (and myself) that twelve months is a suitable timescale to try on our own before seeking help, but she is very impatient and is desperate for children which does not help with the relaxation side of things. Good luck with your pregnancy, I hope all goes/is going well for you, 4 ½ years is quite a journey.

Maggied: thanks for your massive post, lots of information to digest within that one. Firstly I can’t believe you asked how old I am, that’s so rude!! Ha ha No seriously I am only (?) 31 and my wife is in her mid twenties (not brave enough to tell you her age!!) We are both reasonably fit (we have two hyper active dogs that we about 5-10 miles a day), eat well and don’t drink too much, well to be honest the wife has had one Baileys since October. As for your comment about working out a pattern and then stop it that is very keen advice I wish my wife would listen to....sometimes I do feel like a sperm donor rather than a husband. Nobody said I had to give up caffeine, drugs and hot tubs, what on earth am I to do on a Saturday night now!?!?!? I hope your IVF treatment goes well and thanks you so much for your kind words and sharing your experience/knowledge.

On a side note, still no signs of a period or temperature change, she is still suffering “symptoms” but is trying not to assume she is pregnant. I know I am talking about how hard I am finding this, but I never forget how awful this must be for her too.

Also the garage phoned yesterday to say I need a new turbo on my car and it will take two weeks to get one due to the Japan problems (it’s a Honda!) I think they could not believe how unbothered I was as I have been branded as a difficult customer by the dealership before.....suddenly life takes on a different perspective!

Thanks again everyone for your contributions.

maggied_2

Well drugs, caffeine and a hot tub does sound like a good night in!

It sounds like you're doing eveything right - I only asked about your age as it affects when you can get help.

I really feel for your wife and I did exactly the same and would get panicky if we weren't having sex on the 'right days'. It honestly does not do your relationship any favours at all! And the mechanical sex....ugh!!

As I said - join fertilityfriend.com - it's free and it works out OV day for you so no squinting at graphs. Order a BBT thermometer (you need on that does 2dp) and some OPKs. If you go to Amazon you get packs which contain OPKS, a BBT thermometer and some PG tests too (hide these!!). They cost around £5-6.

If you go to the doctor for help they will probably ask you to ascertain whether she is having regular cycles and if she is ovulating so it's well worth getting this established before you see them.

They will probably give you both a full STD screen (PID/ previous chlamydia infection are major factors in female infertiltiy).

They may also do the following (you can look them all up!)

Sperm analysis for you
LH / FSH / AMH levels for her
Test to see if her fallopian tubes are patent - either a lap and dye or HSG
Day 21 progesterone test (to see if she is ovulating)

I hope this isn't too personal if you found me asking your age as too probing :rotfl:You probably will be asked questions about any previous pregnancies (even if they ended) so be prepared - some people are quite offended by that.

You don't have to give up those things by the way - just what we've been told in run up to IVF! Living healthily will help but life doesn't need to be that prescriptive. If people only got pregnant by following those rules there'd be about 5 children born every year!!

End_of_tether_2

maggied; you sounds like you could write a book on this!!! he he I appreciate all the advice and dont worry you can ask me and I can safely say I have never been pregnant before......I'm sure I would have noticed!

End_of_tether_2

Finally got the doctors to do a blood test on my beautiful wife after many more negative home tests and another missed period, and just as the news that she is pregnant sinks in she suffered a massive bleed at the weekend and we lost the baby we so desperately wanted and I came close to loosing her.

I'm due to collect her from hospital in a few hours and dont know what to do to comfort her. Neither of us have stopped crying since it all went wrong.

fannyanna

Oh I am so sorry to hear that. Having never been in the awful situation that you now find yourself in I'm afraid I have no words of advice.

I just didn't want to read and run. Your wife is I'm sure going to need a lot of support. Unfortunately she'll probably be too upset to realise that you too are hurt so please, please make sure that you have someone that you can confide in and talk through your feelings - perhaps a family member or friend (plus these lovely people on this thread).

End_of_tether_2

Thanks fannyanna,
I feel very low and lonely at the moment and in a daze. We hadn't told anybody we were expecting as we had literally only had it confirmed on Thursday, so sharing feelings is going to be difficult.

I was awake at the crack of dawn this morning, not that I felt like I had been asleep at all, decided to take the dog for a walk, only realised we had walked 10 miles when we came to the outskirts of the next town out from ours. The world is a weird place all of a suddden.

Flowers and hugs dont seem enough at the moment. Just want to wake up from this nightmare.

euronorris

Sorry to hear this End_of_Tether.

Experiencing a miscarriage is an awful thing and I can tell you are both feeling awful right now, but it will get better with time. So, do what you can do right now, and give yourselves time and be good to each other. You WILL come out the other side of this.

xx

make_me_wise

Oh my god I am so sorry to hear this. Life is indeed very cruel. The only advice I can give is dont hide your emotions from each other. Hidden feelings to protect the other person can be mis-read. Cry and talk as much as you need to together. I am filling up now.

relic

This reminds me of what happened to me a few years ago.

Took tests, never gave any indication and we just left it a few weeks, then I had to rush her to hospital as she was experiencing extreme pain. Turns out she had a misscarriage (although we're still not 100% sure, we were told at the time it was ectopic, but now she is pregnant again, the notes say she had a misscarriage.)

It's a horrible, horrible feeling, at the time I never even thought about having kids, but to have my first experience as a misscarriage was just horrendous.

All the best, i'm sure you'll comfort your partner, it takes a lot of time, but you'll get there.