This affects both of US

End_of_tether_2

euronorris - thanks for the advice on fertility friend, I think she already uses it. As for the ovulation pattern, it always seems to follow the same pattern and I believe (put could be worn I am a man after all) that her temperature is fairly level, drops by a small amount for a day or so and then jumps up before dropping again towards the end of her cycle.

spaghetti monster - we have so many friends who have concived easily that I think she just assumes that is the way it will always be. As time passes by she piles the pressure on herself which is not going to help either of us.

From my background (of being adopted) I have a few emotional issues and can't understand at times why we desperatley want children and cant have them yet some people (my natural parents) never wanted me and I was an accident they couldn't wait to get away from.

It feels so much better to have got things off my chest a bit. Fingers crossed tonight will be a better night and we dont end up having another row.

scotgirl

I can't say enough good things about this book:

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Taking-Charge-Your-Fertility-Reproductive/dp/0091887585/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1303993382&sr=8-1

It teaches all about reading your body etc. and might help to identify if she is pregnant or not.

Good luck x

onlyroz

Firstly, pregnancy tests can be bought very cheaply from (e.g.) Poundland - the cheaper tests might not be quite as sensitive as the more expensive ones (and so can't be used so early), but they're just as accurate. I'd suggest trying not to stress about it until you've been trying without success for a year. In that time, forget about actually trying to conceive and just have some fun. If you've had no luck after a year then go to your doctor, who will be able to arrange the necessary tests to investigate your fertility.

I know from experience that it's easy to persuade yourself that you might be pregnant - any slight tummy upset or soreness can be converted in your head into pregnancy symptoms. But you're far more likely to have success if you're not worried and stressed all the time.

craftdaft

We were trying for a baby for about 2 years. I found 'Zita West's Guide to Getting Pregnant' very helpful (I read another of her books and it wasn't as good). From reading it I suspected that some medication I was on was making it harder/impossible for us to conceive. After coming off the meds I was pregnant within a few months (everyone should obviously check with their Dr before coming off medication). It could have been coincidence but there many useful points in the book.

I was fortunate enough that I never experienced a miscarriage so I'm afraid I can't offer any advice about that. However, in common with many others, each month I did think I may have had pregnancy symptoms and read too much into the slightest thing.

I think the length of time it took us to conceive hit my DH harder as he is 5 years older than me and was already passed the age that he had hoped to have had kids at. Almost all of our friends that got married about the same time as us had babies while we were still trying (some were onto their second baby), we also had relatives with 'surprise' babies which was quite hard as well.

I hope you can continue to support each other through this difficult time.

Britwife

This is such a tough situation and I feel that you really need to be prepared for the roller coaster ride that may be ahead of you. Having complete support and understanding from the main love in her life is more important than anything. Unfortunately, it's very easy to be sad and upset when you see those negative tests. The one thing that will go through her mind each month is.....this could be my month....or this is it! When you get that negative test, you have to get in the mind set of trying again the next cycle so you get on board again. It can be a never ending ride for some and quite sad. So if you could just be there to pick up the pieces and encourage her each time, it will help her. The more you support her and help her, the easier it will be. Woman really do have different feelings and emotions and wanting a baby and NOT getting there easily is so hard.

One thing that she needs to know is that coming off the pill will make your periods wacky and all over the place for a while. That would be why she has had some weird periods. Pre period symptoms do mimic pregnancy symptoms as well, so my best advice to to avoid looking at symptoms and trust the tests. I've been there, done that.

I wish you all the best. Just support her in this, it may be hard but you are what she needs.

I had a miscarriage at 11 weeks back in 2006 and it took us 18 months to get pregnant with our baby girl. Then I found myself with a suprise pregnancy last June, our baby was born sleeping in Sept. We are now 19 weeks pregnant after our first try. Both times was very hard.

Hugs to you both.

Ginger_Poodle

First of all, I want to say something about the title of your thread. It does affect both of you, of course it does. I think (sometimes) the man can become/feel a little lost in such things. You are both dealing with the stress & disappointment together, just the same. On top of that, she has the physical problems and you have to watch her suffer. It must be difficult, you sound like a very loving man. Do you have anyone who you can talk to who can offer some support?

On another issue, I am very much in support of ovulation sticks. I spent a blinking fortune on them (test one week a month? Have a word - I did it every day). However, each time I found I was ovulating I got pregnant. The first three ended in miscarriage. Once I bought the wrong type (you get normal & digital ones, I was using digital and bought normal ones by accident). One night I checked & got confused about the reading. Went to bed, did it recreationally & ended up pregnant again! The funny thing was, I was seriously considering stopping trying for a while so if I hadn't made a mistake, my lovely little monkey girl may not even exist. I dont believe in fate as such, perhaps serendipity...

Good luck to you both x

End_of_tether_2

Scotgirl – thanks for the suggested reading,
Onlyroz – thanks for the advice. To be honest I am frustrated more than worried at the moment. Nature has its way of taking its time over things, however knowing my wife as I do the longer it takes the more she will worry about something being wrong, sadly it is just her way.
Craftdaft – thanks for your words. I am a few years older than my wife which could be a factor but we are both relatively young and fit and healthy. Seeing the last of our closest friend’s conceive recently is playing on my wife’s mind, and mine two I guess a bit.
Britwife – your story gives me inspiration and hope. Nothing is every easy. Good luck with your impending arrival, I hope all goes well.
Ginger poodle – I find it hard to open up to other people and talk about these things, even putting it anonymously on a forum took a lot of courage. I can believe you got confused. Every time we go to buy anything pregnancy related I just look at the huge bulging shelf full of sticks and wipes and thermometers and things with utter confusion. I am resisting the urge to buy one of each and just threw them all in a bucket of wee at the same time.

Thanks to everyone for your supportive messages, stories and experiences. It is comforting to know we are not alone and people are there to listen and offer advice so openly and warmly.

Maybe a bunch of flowers and a big hug for my darling wife when I get home tonight is in order, we'll keep riding the roller coaster together and at some stage I am sure we will turn the last corner together.

Thanks again

fannyanna

End_of_tether wrote: »

Every time we go to buy anything pregnancy related I just look at the huge bulging shelf full of sticks and wipes and thermometers and things with utter confusion. I am resisting the urge to buy one of each and just threw them all in a bucket of wee at the same time.

Haha - that's funny :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

End_of_tethfer wrote: »

Maybe a bunch of flowers and a big hug for my darling wife when I get home tonight is in order, we'll keep riding the roller coaster together and at some stage I am sure we will turn the last corner together.

Oh dear, I'm far too emotional at the moment to be reading things like this

Ginger_Poodle

fannyanna wrote: »

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Haha - that's funny :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:




Oh dear, I'm far too emotional at the moment to be reading things like this

Me too...had to wipe my eyes a bit when I read it. And hormones are not an excuse for me x

ailuro2

Get down to Poundland and buy some cheap tests and agree only to use them if her period is at least one week late.

Also buy a digital thermometer while you're in Poundland and keep it by the side of the bed so she can chart her temp as soon as she wakes up in the morning - this is a great way for her to keep track of her cycle and get to know what day she is ovulating on.

If after a couple of months there doesn't seem to be a distinct pattern in her temps then she can take her diary with temps, mucus patterns, period dates etc to the GP and ask for advice.