advice re:messy house with kids

meritaten

bonjovibel_729 wrote: »

just a little update my sons father was supposed to being him back tonight and he has now informed me he is not bringing him back til friday as he has a week off work...and that he might not even bring him back at all as he has severe concerns about the welfare of his son after talkin to my daughters father...not really sure what i can do now my solicitor is off until the 9th may when i have an appt with him....i know for a fact my son wont be coming back as he has been taken to glos where his dads parents live.....

am really struggling having them both effectively gang up on me i thought i was gettin on better with my girls dad obv i was wrong.....

if they both think im uselss maybe i am??

I am wondering if you are divorced and have custody of the children backed up by evidence from a court?
or are you effectively a single parent and as such has sole custody?
in either case you could contact the police and explain that your son has not been returned from a visit with his father and his father says he will not return him.
oh and hun - just because these two men have ganged up to do a number on you - do NOT start doubting yourself!
YOU ARE NOT USELESS! you are a normal mum with a normal home! who obviously is trying her best!

LJM

omg he sounds like a pig i have 2 girls and also with it being the holidays my house is untidy not dirty but as you say toys out etc

bonjovibel_729

meritaten wrote: »

I am wondering if you are divorced and have custody of the children backed up by evidence from a court?
or are you effectively a single parent and as such has sole custody?
in either case you could contact the police and explain that your son has not been returned from a visit with his father and his father says he will not return him.
oh and hun - just because these two men have ganged up to do a number on you - do NOT start doubting yourself!
YOU ARE NOT USELESS! you are a normal mum with a normal home! who obviously is trying her best!

hi i have custody of the two girls their dad took me to court and he wanted to have them every weekend he ended up wit every other weekend and two weeks in the holidays.....i am in the process of going to court with the father of my son at the moment we couldt agree on a contact agreement so have to go back to court in may and give evidence on why we both think we should be allowed contact or residence........have been down the police route before when my ex grabbed my son off me in the street and refused to hand him back and they refused to do anythin basically said as he was the dad there was nothin they could do and he has just as much rights as me. the divorce has not gone through yet....its enough to put me off men for life lol

meritaten

I see what you mean hun, ok you cant go down the police route. for now perhaps you have to accept that your son is getting an extended holiday. but, I cant help thinking that this is something that will not look good for your ex when it comes to court. I feel so sorry for you - can you contact your son at all?

bonjovibel_729

meritaten wrote: »

I see what you mean hun, ok you cant go down the police route. for now perhaps you have to accept that your son is getting an extended holiday. but, I cant help thinking that this is something that will not look good for your ex when it comes to court. I feel so sorry for you - can you contact your son at all?

hi i have no way of contacting my son i know my exes mobile number but obv he is not going to answer the phone to me or let me speak to my son...am hoping this will go against him when we go to court and they realise how untrustworthy he is this is not the first time he has done this

clearingout

Oh what a silly, silly man. This won't end well - for him. Don't worry. You CAN call the police, tell them what's happened, make it clear that your child SHOULD have been returned today. They will advise you that they won't do anything. When they tell you that, ask them if they will 'log' the incident as you suspect things are going to get difficult so you want an 'official' record. They will then give you an incident number. You might need it, you might not. But if you end up in court, the fact that you needed to call the police for advice speaks volumes.

And then solicitor on Tuesday morning. Do you know where the children are? As in, do you have an address? Do you consider them to be in any 'danger' or 'at risk' in anyway?

bonjovibel_729

clearingout wrote: »

Oh what a silly, silly man. This won't end well - for him. Don't worry. You CAN call the police, tell them what's happened, make it clear that your child SHOULD have been returned today. They will advise you that they won't do anything. When they tell you that, ask them if they will 'log' the incident as you suspect things are going to get difficult so you want an 'official' record. They will then give you an incident number. You might need it, you might not. But if you end up in court, the fact that you needed to call the police for advice speaks volumes.

And then solicitor on Tuesday morning. Do you know where the children are? As in, do you have an address? Do you consider them to be in any 'danger' or 'at risk' in anyway?

hi there that sounds like a good idea to get an incident number might give them a ring now......i know where his house is as i jointly own it but his car has not been there all weekend so am guessing he has taken him to his parents i know where they live in glos no he will not be at risk....

just annoys me he dares to question my abilities as a parent and every time he has my son he drags him down to glos for his mum to look after..

zoesmummy_2006

Oh hun i really feel for you, what youre going thru is my worst nightmare. My ex got the divorce papers thru other day n started asking me if this was what i really wanted-yes considering i filed cos he left and got his gf pregnant!
Ive had numerous worries since that he'll try n keep the kids etc, but believe me if he dud id be round there like a shot to get my kids back and while there fill in my replacement on all the stuff hes said about wanting me back, leaving being biggest mistake of his life and that having a baby isnt what he wanted!
I hope that you get your little boy back asap hun, agree with logging the incident with the police.
Oh and for the record, my house generally looks like i have a pair of tasmanian devils living in it! While im tidying one room theyre playing in another with toys everywhere! But my 2 are happy healthy and ive resigned myself to joining in with them, tidying bit at a time n then finishing off when theyre in bed-if i can be bothered!!! I leave my ironing n major clean thru until weekend when kids are at dads.
Hope everything works out for you xxx

Zoetoes

You should definitely contact the police, he is very naive if he doesn't realise the consequences of his actions when it comes to court!

Susan_Frost

Definitely call the police.

If he does this and gets away with it, he will be doing it all the time and you will be totally controlled by him.

At the very least it will be registered that this is what he is capable of doing.

Both these men are trying to control you. You are a good mum, just keep doing what you are doing and you will be fine. I bet you would not be on tablets if these men were not around and contantly winding you up. Am I right - are they your problem.

DONT let either into your house again. If they come to pick up your kids, have the kids all ready to go, just to put their coats on and hand them over on the doorstep. It is YOUR house and home - you really need to keep it that way as both these men still feel they have a say in your life, letting them in gives a signal to them that they have some control.

Good luck