advice re:messy house with kids

bonjovibel_729

hiya am just looking for a bit of advice.....my ex partner just came to pick up our two girls and he went to the toilet upstairs he comes back down and says how can u live like this...i said what are you talkin about and he said with all the crap everywhere...now while i admit i am not the tidiest of people there is by no means crap everywhere...

as it is the school holidays and i have a three yr old a eight yr old and a twelve year old the house is not exactly tidy there are toys scattered randomly over the floor books over the coffee table...he said he went upstairs and there was clothes all over the floor and the bathroom was a mess as was the girls bedroom.....i went up after he left there was a towel that had fallen off the back of the door and one of the girls night dresses they had left in the bathroom....i admit the girls share a room and it leaves a lot to be desired if you can see the floor in there you will be lucky..but that is how they earn their pocket money by keepin it cleanif they dont then they dont get anythin(which happens more often than not ) lol i dont think it is a bad decision to get them to clean their own room...if it gets really bad then i do step in and make them do it...

anyway he now says he doesnt want his kids living like this and is going to report me to social services....will they act on anythin like this my home is by no means dirty it is always clean just a little cluttered at times amreally worried by this and dont really want it hanging over me all weekend if anyone has any advice would be most grateful.

RAS

Tell him to get a life and next time he wants the loo, tell him to cross his legs.

Sagz_2

No wonder he's an ex - bloody cheek!

swampduck

I'd be inclined to tell him to get lost!!
If he did report you then the social services have probably seen loads worse - dont fret about it!
He used to live with you and survived it - if he is living in his own place - it's neat and tidy because he's forgotten what it's like to live in a house with kids. He needs to get a life - he is just trying bully you and you dont need him belittling what a great job you do of mothering your kids!!

Swampy

lookingforsun

f he does report you, they will almost certainly need to follow it up. They may want to check on the living conditions, and check that you're not living in squalor.

The reasons they do this are to check that there isn't an issue of neglect (i.e. you're not able to keep the housework up to date, and the cupboards are bare), and to check that it isn't a dangerous environment.

If they look around they are not allowed to look in your bedroom, so please be aware of this.

To be honest you're house doesn't sound that bad at all; 12 & 8 year old girls are able to clear up their own mess (with a lot of nagging from mum), 3 year olds obviously can't so much.

To be perfectly frank, I think that a house with 3 children in, especially given the ages of the older two, and given that it's the holidays, would be very strange - and a greater cause for concern, if too tidy. Kids need to play.

Your ex sounds like he is nit-picking... is there any possibility he may be planning to seek residency? To accuse a mother of being unfit (and saying the house is not suitable for his kids is just that), then I would be suspicious.

Just keep it tidy, the best you can, and try not to worry. I would, however, not be inviting him when he collects/drops them off anymore, that way you take away his ammunition. If he needs a pee, he'll have to do it elsewhere

Emmzi

does he want full time custody?

If not I wouldn't worry. Unless you are feeding the kids heroin daily they're unlikely to move them!

bonjovibel_729

lookingforsun wrote: »

f he does report you, they will almost certainly need to follow it up. They may want to check on the living conditions, and check that you're not living in squalor.

The reasons they do this are to check that there isn't an issue of neglect (i.e. you're not able to keep the housework up to date, and the cupboards are bare), and to check that it isn't a dangerous environment.

If they look around they are not allowed to look in your bedroom, so please be aware of this.

To be honest you're house doesn't sound that bad at all; 12 & 8 year old girls are able to clear up their own mess (with a lot of nagging from mum), 3 year olds obviously can't so much.

To be perfectly frank, I think that a house with 3 children in, especially given the ages of the older two, and given that it's the holidays, would be very strange - and a greater cause for concern, if too tidy. Kids need to play.

Your ex sounds like he is nit-picking... is there any possibility he may be planning to seek residency? To accuse a mother of being unfit (and saying the house is not suitable for his kids is just that), then I would be suspicious.

Just keep it tidy, the best you can, and try not to worry. I would, however, not be inviting him when he collects/drops them off anymore, that way you take away his ammunition. If he needs a pee, he'll have to do it elsewhere

hi thanks for the reply no i dont think he is planning on residency cos we have already been to court about access a few years ago and things have settled down since then however i recently seperated from my 3yr olds dad and his dad is in the process of seeking residency...i know they have been gettin very friendly over the last few months so dont know whether this is anythin to do with what he said....have already told him he is not welcome in my house and told him to get out if it was that bad so have no fear he will not be in my house again...

is just so stressful goin through a residency case with my sons father..then having my girls dad having a go at me....plus everythin else that is going on...makes me doubt that i am a good mother at times and that they wud all be better off with their dads.

bonjovibel_729

oh and forgot to mention all this was said when the three kids were in the living room with us.....even my three year old was shouting mummys house is tidy...if he has somethin to say it shud be out of ear shot of the kids

snookey

Look at the thread on daughters bedroom. Your not alone in kids being messy. I think your ex is just trying to get back at you. Dont let him upset you. I bet social services would take one look and tell you not to worry as your home is normal.

jetta_wales

If he wants to see an untidy house he should go to my ex's house and see the mouldy carpet in the bathroom the fact that there is no way to see the floor in most of the rooms and the kitchen is just dreadful.

If social services do come then be very honest with them about the concern of him being pally with your other ex who is seeking residency and that this ex has done so in the past, I'm sure it won't be the first time they've had dodgy referrals from hostile ex's. Hopefully that will make sure that they emphasise how fine things are so if it's brought up in court it will only go in your favour not against you.

lookingforsun

He could be talking to the 3yr old's dad, does he come over at all? I would be inclined to just ignore him. Though make sure the 3yr old's room is as tidy as possible (and I know it's hard, my 10 month old has toys everywhere). Make sure there is a clear walkway through each room & NO toys on the stairs/landing/hall. That way, even if there is a bit of clutter, there are no tripping hazards.

The key thing is to be relaxed. A stressed mum, who's running after her kids, picking up every thrown car, will look less able to cope - and that is the thing, you can and are coping. You're not ignoring chores, because you're not coping, or couldn't care less, you've just got a house where kids live, and enjoy themselves, and can play happily.

Are you having dealings with Cafcass?