advice re:messy house with kids

bonjovibel_729

Zoetoes wrote: »

T!t! Does he not realise that he's making things awkward for him to come into the house? Does he think it's nice for the kids having social services check up on their home and look in their rooms?

Don't let the [EMAIL="w@nker"]w@nker[/EMAIL] in the house again!

dont worry he wont be anywhere near my house again i have enough to deal with without him as well

cazscoob

i agree with everyone else and it sounds like he has been talking to your ex.
You say your not oping do you mean keeping on top of the house etc? have you heard of Home start? we have a volunteer that comes in once a week for a few hours, she helps around the house or plays with the kids whilst we get things done or just 5 mins to sit down. They are a wonderful group and could help you out a little. PM if you would like details etc. x

Sagz_2

If he's that concerned for the kids safety ask him to pop round and clear up whilst you spend the day out with the kids

bonjovibel_729

Sagz wrote: »

If he's that concerned for the kids safety ask him to pop round and clear up whilst you spend the day out with the kids

lol might float that idea around but doubt he will take it up:D

tbh i dont know if im coping or not....i always make sure the kids are well dressed and fed and watered maybe i could do a bit more around the house but i have three kids and a three storey house is really hard with just me (i split up with my husband last year) feels like its never ending when i am tidying up downstairs the kids are trashing upstairs

summerday

Please don't let him upset you. Your house sounds completely normal and you have nothing to feel bad or ashamed about. he knows exactly how to upset you by the sounds of it so don't give him the satisfaction. x

lemontree

He sounds pathetic to me!
My Ex was once going to ring Social Services as I had left my 15 year old daughter alone for 2 hours one evening!!!!!

happy35

i think your house sounds normal, my house is only jusst starting to stay tidy and that is because son is 15 and spends a lot of time out with his friends.

there is a lot of difference between clean and tidy, your house should be clean for the childrens health as you have said yours is the mess of toys and general children items is just normal

Ex sounds a bit of a prat who obviously thinks he could do better, he obviously doesnt realise that when you want to tidy the sitting room you move kids to the kitchen etc only to return 15 minutes later to find that room is now a tip

I dont think you have anything to worry about

tizerbelle

Bonjovibel_729, lets get some things straight here please.

Firstly you ARE coping. In fact you are coping very well. You are a single mum of 3 children in a 3 storey house, your children are loved, well-cared for, fed, the little one has toys to play with in an area where he has room to play, the older ones are being taught responsibility for their behaviour (i.e. tidy your bedroom to earn your pocket money); and you are ensuring that they do their best at their schoolwork - if you didn't care, you wouldn't have a desk in the lounge for your elder daughter's schoolwork and you are keeping the house clean and generally tidy. YOU are doing all that on your own, so major kudos to you. You are doing a great job.

Don't forget on top of this you have shopping to do; getting kids to and from school; playdates; clubs, etc; sorting out the laundry and washing; possibly even looking after a garden as well; cooking for the family etc etc etc and this is before we even know whether you work as well as look after your family. That is a lot for one person to be dealing with. Heck, I have a 2 bed terrace, one cat, one dog, no kids and I can't keep the place tidy.

On top of this, you have presumably fairly recently had a relationship breakdown which has resulted in the ex trying for residency - so while still caring for your family, you will be grieving the end of a relationship (even if he is a twerp, it's natural to do so) and having to deal with the numpty's claims for residency. So yes, there's some stress in your life right now, seeking help from your doctor was the right thing to do and so what if you are taking some medication in the short-term to help you keep on top of it all. You are doing it because you are a loving mum who wants the best for her family which is you staying healthy.

And now, norbert-ex number 1 is being a d*ckhead as well. (Can I suggest you reconsider what you look for in a fella and next time go for the complete opposite )

Kids (of any age) are untidy, it's one of the laws of childhood and apparently there is a condition that prevents them from seeing mess, some grow out of it, some don't (unfortunately at the age of 42, I still haven't grown out of it). And do you know why they don't think about mess it's because it miraculously gets cleared away when they aren't looking so they don't have to worry about it. So who does that? Oh, that would be you in your role of SuperMum wouldn't it.

You keep doing what you are doing, don't worry about SS - they won't be worried about you or your kids. Keep any threatening texts/messages from either ex and just get on with your life, enjoying your kids and making great memories with them. I can guarantee you memories are not made by focussing on having a pristine show-house. A family doesn't need a house, it needs a home and a home looks lived in and yes, it has day to day mess but it is filled with love and laughter.

bestpud

If the house is as you describe, and SS consider that neglectful, there would be a LOT of children in care!

If taking meds means you are unable to look after your children, then again, there would be an awful lot of children in care!

Definitely keep the texts - I can't stress that enough, but remember he can do the same, so try and stay calm as possible.

I know an ex who had caused all sorts of upheaval but was laughed out of the police station last time he came up with a wild tale! Why...? Because his texts completely contradicted his complaint and his ex had kept the entire text conversation on her phone!

Right, better tidy up, as going by your ex's definition of good care, SS will be round any minute for my dd!! :rotfl:

bonjovibel_729

tizerbelle wrote: »

Bonjovibel_729, lets get some things straight here please.

Firstly you ARE coping. In fact you are coping very well. You are a single mum of 3 children in a 3 storey house, your children are loved, well-cared for, fed, the little one has toys to play with in an area where he has room to play, the older ones are being taught responsibility for their behaviour (i.e. tidy your bedroom to earn your pocket money); and you are ensuring that they do their best at their schoolwork - if you didn't care, you wouldn't have a desk in the lounge for your elder daughter's schoolwork and you are keeping the house clean and generally tidy. YOU are doing all that on your own, so major kudos to you. You are doing a great job.

Don't forget on top of this you have shopping to do; getting kids to and from school; playdates; clubs, etc; sorting out the laundry and washing; possibly even looking after a garden as well; cooking for the family etc etc etc and this is before we even know whether you work as well as look after your family. That is a lot for one person to be dealing with. Heck, I have a 2 bed terrace, one cat, one dog, no kids and I can't keep the place tidy.

On top of this, you have presumably fairly recently had a relationship breakdown which has resulted in the ex trying for residency - so while still caring for your family, you will be grieving the end of a relationship (even if he is a twerp, it's natural to do so) and having to deal with the numpty's claims for residency. So yes, there's some stress in your life right now, seeking help from your doctor was the right thing to do and so what if you are taking some medication in the short-term to help you keep on top of it all. You are doing it because you are a loving mum who wants the best for her family which is you staying healthy.

And now, norbert-ex number 1 is being a d*ckhead as well. (Can I suggest you reconsider what you look for in a fella and next time go for the complete opposite )

Kids (of any age) are untidy, it's one of the laws of childhood and apparently there is a condition that prevents them from seeing mess, some grow out of it, some don't (unfortunately at the age of 42, I still haven't grown out of it). And do you know why they don't think about mess it's because it miraculously gets cleared away when they aren't looking so they don't have to worry about it. So who does that? Oh, that would be you in your role of SuperMum wouldn't it.

You keep doing what you are doing, don't worry about SS - they won't be worried about you or your kids. Keep any threatening texts/messages from either ex and just get on with your life, enjoying your kids and making great memories with them. I can guarantee you memories are not made by focussing on having a pristine show-house. A family doesn't need a house, it needs a home and a home looks lived in and yes, it has day to day mess but it is filled with love and laughter.

hi thanks so much for taking the time to reply i feel a lot better knowing that other people think im 'normal' lol:rotfl: