So Sad Needs Advice

SOSAD_2

Mojisola wrote: »

Try not to be upset by - it's typical of men like this. They will always make you feel that you are the problem and everything is your fault.

If he really thought what he said, don't you think he would have raised the issue sometime in the last eight months?

It won't feel like it now but you really are better off without him.

He is really making me doubt myself now, its not the first time he has turned things back round on to me so I shouldn't be surprised that he is doing it now.

When I asked him to move in 8 months ago I wasn't even having financial difficulties - things were tight, but I managed ok. I haven't got the energy to argue with him at the moment, he just makes me feel more annoyed.

janninew

SOSAD wrote: »

He is really making me doubt myself now, its not the first time he has turned things back round on to me so I shouldn't be surprised that he is doing it now.

When I asked him to move in 8 months ago I wasn't even having financial difficulties - things were tight, but I managed ok. I haven't got the energy to argue with him at the moment, he just makes me feel more annoyed.

I know just what you mean about him turning it around so its all your fault, I knew a man who use to do this. Made me really angry too.

The best thing you can do is cut off contact with him for a while, no texts etc. It will be hard at first, but you need to stay strong.

I hope your evening is ok, try and distract yourself with tv (easier said than done!)

Caroline_a

Just wanted to say that in a few months you will be so relieved that you didn't stay with this loser. The fear of the unknown is always far worse than what actually happens, and you will be fine.

I think I saw that you have 2 dogs... they will be there for you when this man will obviously not. Taks care, and be strong!

[Deleted User]

I couldnt read and run. I know how raw things are for you now. It may not be the end. This may give him the shove to think about what you want. Its so hard when you love someone and they turn things on you. Ive had this done twice in a relationship. I know its easy for me to say be strong because ive been in circumstances where ive had to end two relationships because of the way they were going. I was getting trampled on by the 1st and the second one was going the same way. Im single and yes i struggle with bills too its not easy but ide rather struggle than be with a man that doesnt take my feelings into consideration. Dont get me wrong its been bloody hard but ive lived on my own for 3years (been in 2 relationships that have gone wrong). And in my 40s ive realised you cant rely on anyone but yourself because if a relationship does fail then you may loose your home etc. I had to start again. But my friends say i must be proud of myself not to rely on a man for anything and that means im a stronger person. When things go wrong at least if you do live on your own you can support yourself. Im not saying you will, as i said in the beginning it might be the start of a new life with him, he may realise what he had. Ide leave him be for the time being, no contact rule and i bet in time whether itll be a week or a month he will talk to you. Best not to have contact at the moment as you are upset and hes angry and turning it on you. Best both to have a break.

Tuesday_Tenor

How are you doing, SoSad?

I'm sure you'll have mixed feelings, but I hope the removal of all the uncertainly and hassle he was causing can, ultimately, make you feel lighter and brighter.

There's a better future ahead, I'm sure,

Have you taken steps towards getting a lodger?

SOSAD_2

Tuesday_Tenor wrote: »

How are you doing, SoSad?

I'm sure you'll have mixed feelings, but I hope the removal of all the uncertainly and hassle he was causing can, ultimately, make you feel lighter and brighter.

There's a better future ahead, I'm sure,

Have you taken steps towards getting a lodger?

Hi Tuesday,

I'm doing OK thanks. This week has been hard and my ex partner has been in contact and asked for me to keep trying. This was very tempting, but I remembered how bad I felt last week and decided to cut all contact with him.

This weekend I'm tidying up my spare room and next week I'll advertise for a lodger. I posted on the debt board and received some good advice. I've had a small wage increase and I've started to EBAY some things, so feel like I'm doing all I can to make some extra money and keeping myself busy.

Thanks for your message.

janninew

SOSAD wrote: »

Hi Tuesday,

I'm doing OK thanks. This week has been hard and my ex partner has been in contact and asked for me to keep trying. This was very tempting, but I remembered how bad I felt last week and decided to cut all contact with him.

This weekend I'm tidying up my spare room and next week I'll advertise for a lodger. I posted on the debt board and received some good advice. I've had a small wage increase and I've started to EBAY some things, so feel like I'm doing all I can to make some extra money and keeping myself busy.

Thanks for your message.

That all sounds very positive SOSAD. Keeping yourself busy is the key I've found from my own experience, much better than sitting down and dwelling on it.

I really think a lodger will be a great idea for you. If you find the right person, it will be good company for you and will really take the financial pressure off. Hopefully you will also have enough spare cash to get out there, doing things and meet new people.

BangorJane

Hello Sosad
From post #67 you have a good plan in place to make your new start. You are a lot stronger than you probably feel now, and I wish you every happiness for the future. By taking action you have taken control of your life back, possibly something you have been scared to do since your divorce. You go girl!!!!xox

skint_chick

SoSad I think it's a good thing you're single because there's wanting to show you're a modern independent woman who can stand on her two feet financially and there's being taken for a ride. At least now you'll have a lot less worry and stress - and a good clearout and ebay session can help clear your mind too;)

I went through the same as you - nasty divorce and dating a guy who treated me like a doormat - so when I finally got my own place and a lodger it was great. It didn't put my current partner off at all when I met him that I had a lodger as he'd shared houses with friends.

PS Don't worry that you won't meet anyone serious - I met OH when I was almost 30 and we've been married over 2years. He's the pnly man who ever treated me like an equal form the start - and I still question how I struck it so lucky so stay positive