So Sad Needs Advice

Mojisola

SOSAD wrote: »

My boyfriend is such a good guy in all other ways and is very affectionate and loving. He does have some small debt, nothing out of the ordinary or different from me.

He lives at home, contributes practically nothing at home or to you and still has debts!

To be honest, your problems are going to be much greater if he does move in with you than if you decide to dump him.

jetta_wales

Sounds like he's got some serious commitment issues and frankly you've been patient enough now. If you think it's hard at this stage how hard do you think it will be if you ever do get past this and then you're pushing 35 and he's putting off having a baby etc? There's got to be a point when you cut your losses and it looks like it's come to be honest.

It's always sad and never easy but it really doesn't sound like he's going to your 'happily ever after' from you've said and if that's the case then you need to let go.

It sounds like it's you that's been doing all the hurting and yet still holding on so now he needs to see the hurt for a change and if he just let's you go then it was the right decision to make.

Amber_Sunshine

To be blunt, this sounds like it's just a very extended one-night stand to him.

SOSAD_2

Thought I would post an update.

Today was the last chance for my boyfriend and he has blown it.

I asked him yesterday if he was still moving in and he said yes. He went back to his parents this afternoon and I text him asking him when he was bringing his stuff round and he said he wasn't. When I aksed why not, he said he had a bad back and couldn't carry things to the car. This is just another excuse.

I'm so upset and have cried for an hour solid, I'm really, really destroyed because I know that's it now. I actually can't take any more rejection from him.

His has text me saying I only want him to move in to help with the bills, not because I want to live with him and he thinks I don't love him as much as my ex husband.

I feel like he is turning this back on to me and I'm so confused, upset and angry.

I know I'm just going to sit here and cry all night now.

janninew

Oh SOSAD I really feel for you, I really hoped after reading this thread last week that things would work out and he would move in and you would be ok.
I can imagine how you are feeling, and I can understand the feelings of being rejected.
You know the next few weeks are going to be tough, cry as much as you need to and be kind to yourself.
Look into getting a lodger next week, regardless of what he says, he's had his chance now and blown - you look after number 1 from now on.

Thinking of you and hugs.
Janninew x

emsbet

SOSAD wrote: »

Thought I would post an update.

Today was the last chance for my boyfriend and he has blown it.

I asked him yesterday if he was still moving in and he said yes. He went back to his parents this afternoon and I text him asking him when he was bringing his stuff round and he said he wasn't. When I aksed why not, he said he had a bad back and couldn't carry things to the car. This is just another excuse.

I'm so upset and have cried for an hour solid, I'm really, really destroyed because I know that's it now. I actually can't take any more rejection from him.

His has text me saying I only want him to move in to help with the bills, not because I want to live with him and he thinks I don't love him as much as my ex husband.

I feel like he is turning this back on to me and I'm so confused, upset and angry.

I know I'm just going to sit here and cry all night now.

((hugs))

I'm sorry that you are really upset but at least you now know where you stand and can start to move on and make plans. It's really not fair of him to turn it back on you don't let him get to you.

Don't be afraid of feeling sad, let yourself cry this evening then tomorrow sit down and look at how you can move on with your life. Start with your financial situation they look at ways of getting yourself out and about. Bully friends to do stuff with you or make some new friends, just get yourself out of the house at least one or two evenings a week so that you don't dwell on the past.
You're a strong person, you picked yourself up before and you can do it again and you will find someone who is worthy of you!

xx

abby1234519

SOSAD wrote: »

Thought I would post an update.

Today was the last chance for my boyfriend and he has blown it.

I asked him yesterday if he was still moving in and he said yes. He went back to his parents this afternoon and I text him asking him when he was bringing his stuff round and he said he wasn't. When I aksed why not, he said he had a bad back and couldn't carry things to the car. This is just another excuse.

I'm so upset and have cried for an hour solid, I'm really, really destroyed because I know that's it now. I actually can't take any more rejection from him.

His has text me saying I only want him to move in to help with the bills, not because I want to live with him and he thinks I don't love him as much as my ex husband.

I feel like he is turning this back on to me and I'm so confused, upset and angry.

I know I'm just going to sit here and cry all night now.

Well I'd say to him, I love you but you obviously don't love me enough to want all of me. You can't have half of me so you get nothing.

Its horrible and painful BUT I always think it is worse to only have half of someones heart. You want all of their heart! You know what I mean anyway. Do you want to be on a rollercoaster of emotions where he makes you happy one second and miserable the next? Surely you can find someone who makes you happy all the time

J_J_Carter

What a sad state of affairs.

I'd say you're best off without him, he's either been stringing you along or has serious issues re. his mother. Get a female lodger and put the extra pennies to having some fun.

SOSAD_2

Thanks for the messages, this thread has really helped me. I've just had a really good cry and I'm ashamed to say I've ripped up all our pics together and the cards he has sent me, I'm sure I'll regret doing that, but I couldn't help myself.

Just running a bath now and my brother is on his way round to spend a few hours with me. I can't remember the last time I cried like this, have nearly made myself sick.

Mojisola

SOSAD wrote: »

His has text me saying I only want him to move in to help with the bills, not because I want to live with him and he thinks I don't love him as much as my ex husband.

Try not to be upset by - it's typical of men like this. They will always make you feel that you are the problem and everything is your fault.

If he really thought what he said, don't you think he would have raised the issue sometime in the last eight months?

It won't feel like it now but you really are better off without him.