lionheartedgirl promises to let it shine :)

lionheartedgirl

Brownies was fab tonight, a real wing-it one as the craft kits we were using were somewhat lacking in instructions :rotfl: so we were about half a step ahead of the girls as we tried to figure out what on earth to stick to what - very funny all round but the results were excellent and we were proud as punch.

One bizarre rash, one poorly dog bite and one girl who has just gone up to Guides and has now overtaken me in height at last... only a matter of time on the last one :rotfl: Oh and a silly song about getting eaten by a boa constrictor. I love going, they are great kids and it's always such a distraction from normal life

I've had a G n T, a glass of wine and am off to bed in a few mins.

Keeping things crossed re the chap - optimistic and hoping it works out. It will be a bit neeether/neither, tomayyto/tomahhhto as we are night and day. But could also be a lot of fun

Night all x

hypno06

Sounds like a lovely evening! As for the chap, take each day as it comes, expect nothing, and enjoy the differences that you have. The whole "he's not my usual type" or whatever, thing is a load of baloney. If you can laugh, smile, and feel comfortable together, does it matter how you say "tomato" ?

lionheartedgirl

thanks not heard anything yet but still hopeful. I got in touch to arrange the last meeting so feel it should be down to him to show willing if he wants to see me again. I hate playing games but would also like to be a bit reassured that isn't me doing all the running.... he knows I would like to see him again.

I've had a lovely day today. this morning I went to look at some pooches. Fell in love with a beautiful 4 year old (almost 5) boy called Ronnie. He's jet black and so lazy/laid back, just like my old boy. The kennels said as long as he knew where his bed was he'd be fine - and spending some time with him this morning did indeed show this to be the case. They brought him round to meet me and my little heart fair shot out of my chest :j

I took another one out for a walk with Ronnie - she is a slightly older girl, but think she may be a bit too bouncy for me so am having a think about it. I had wanted to get 2 to be company for each other as they will be on their own a bit (not excessively as will get a dogsitter a couple of days a week when I am in the office). But we think Ronnie will be totally cool on his tod. Lots to think about.

Work went much better on Friday. Still not had THE chat but am gathering my thoughts and biding my time. Hoping to do it next week but gradually feeling stronger about it all which is what was needed.

I went to the football this afternoon with my dad :j haven't been in ages. As the weather was looking so nice and I have been cooped up inside for ages, I really fancied getting out in the fresh air so asked Dad how he was fixed and he said yes. The first 30 mins was a great game, but in the end poor old Colchester Utd got utterly stuffed 5-1 (at home so 1-5 really) by the MK Dons.... oh deary me! We told the girl at the ticket desk that we hadn't been before and didn't know where to go, she was great, asked us if we minded noisy, I said was it cheap :money: and she said yes. It was fantastic. Very honest feedback from the home crowd :cool: but at least our goalie applauded the home fans even if the rest of the team didn't! :rotfl:

we interrupt this broadcast to announce that.....OMG the chap has just texted.....!! :rotfl: will keep typing so as not to reply too quickly

So. Dad and I have concocted a plan to take my niece and nephew to the football on Boxing Day when we (not really 'we' as our 'we' is West Bromwich Albion - but both of us believe in taking our football where we can get it! in common with the mighty Tim Gudgin as I have just read today ) are at home to the epic Stevenage :eek: where mum and dad used to live. My niece is 7 and my nephew 5 so I think they will love it as long as they are with grandad and aunty LHG and aren't too cold. And we have pledged at least a game a month. This will lift dad's spirits as well as mine.

I had forgotten how much I love going to a game. It's OK on the telly for the bigger games but I need to be there with the wind on my cheeks, rude songs in my ears and the slight odour of smelly boys and beer :rotfl:

Amusingly the new CUFC stadium sells wine as well as beer :rotfl: asked the guy at the tea stand if he sold many he said no :cool:

tonight has been pizza, wine, Strictly and X-Factor. Much needed.

An epic day and I even managed some yoga this morning All me me me and that can't be bad

After that I am off for an early night, the lurgy could still lurking slightly but probably more than likely to be some effects from my flu jab on Thursday as it can be a bit funny sometimes.

Night all x

hypno06

Glad you enjoyed the football.....I love it! We lost 2-1 to Arsenal today.....but it is sooo much more than the scoreline.

As for the chap.....well, what can I say!?!?!?!

Enjoy x

lionheartedgirl

yes I saw the highlights last night on MOTD - looked a very lively game for you!

spent today with the chap - a very lazy one. Took breakfast round to his and joined him for a Sunday lie in. All very confusing with where things stand, but as above I will take it a step at a time and keep my wondering !!!!!! is going on to myself Not sure I am really ready for anything more at the minute, but I seem to be programmed to want to run before I can walk, and need to get over this otherwise I am going to potentially come crashing down with a bump every time I meet someone new.

Got a busy week on this week but tomorrow night's pupil has cancelled again so while this has reduced the income by a little, it will give me a bit of breathing space so that's good.

I need to think long and hard about the dog situation this week and make absolutely sure I can commit to this. I desperately want to have some stability and company at home, but currently life is dotted around all over the place and a dog will be a massive commitment. Currently I feel it will be a very grounding one, and will be something just for me that I have desperately wanted for a very long time.

I might ring my counsellor and see if she can fit me in this week some time - she is another dog lover so will offer many other perspectives.

Off to bed now - bit emotional and over tired so sleep will be the best remedy all round. Night all x

Souk08

Just take it easy hon and does it have to 'go' anywhere? Can you have fun and just enjoy it? If you can, great. If not then be careful x

hypno06

Souk08 wrote: »

Just take it easy hon and does it have to 'go' anywhere? Can you have fun and just enjoy it? If you can, great. If not then be careful x

Agreed - definitely work on those protection mechanisms if need be. It really doesn't need to have any sort of agenda attached to it - not at this stage, and perhaps not at all.

Take it for what it is - if it makes you smile today, then good

x

lionheartedgirl

thanks both. this is plain old fashioned fear showing its face I'm afraid. I just don't know how things 'are' in a normal way. All the relationships I have ever been in have kind of been drifted into, where we have been friends or at least known each other through other people first - I've never done the whole dating/sussing thing each other out a bit at a time thing until this year. And I have to confess, I am finding it really, really hard. On one hand, I really want to be with someone (not just anyone mind!). On the other, I want to make sure it's the right person (even if it's just the season/reason right at the time way) and protect myself from getting hurt. But I am an all or nothing kind of girl, wade in, heart on sleeve, and the guys I have met this year have been very different from what I have ended up with before - which to me is a good thing, becuase look how that all went :eek: :rotfl:

Had to laugh as I was re-reading an old thing in Glamour on Saturday evening, about being single and the difference between English and American guys, saying about how British guys disappear off the radar for approximately 3-4 days and then text "Hey how are you" or something similar. Guess what Saturday's message said, and how many days it was since I last saw him. I had to laugh So far he seems like a completely normal average single bloke (in a good way mostly!)

Still, I guess this is what this stage is all about, working out whether there's enough there for both of us to want more - but I'm not sure how best to set up the coping mechanism for if/when he decides it's a no for him, and me not getting upset about it.

I wish I could shrug it off and pretend it doesn't matter/plenty more fish in the sea etc, but I am at last starting to unearth all the really deep painful stuff that comes from an intense period of self-reflection that major life trauma and counselling brings. I don't want this time to carry on for too much longer because I really do just want to get on with living my life now rather than looking backwards and wondering what/where I went wrong etc, but there is still a bit more to go.

Last week I was optimistic. This week less so. But I am definitely spending far, far too much time thinking and over-analysing it (can't help it, that's my job! well not analysing that stuff :rotfl:) and this has to stop. I have bigger things to spend my time/energy on where I can have an impact and make things happen.

Other news - the plasterer has finally come back to me - BIG quote, a little bigger than I thought. Need to make some serious plans re if a beautiful greyhound is going to come my way before Christmas. There will be a fair old bit of upheaval at home with electrician, plumber, plasterer, damp contractors and window fitters coming.

I don't want to miss out on the dog as I think he will be perfect. But I don't want to bring him into a crazy environment and have him freak. I really think he will be absolutely fine as long as he's not on his own, but at the end of the day he has never even been in a house before let alone heard some windows getting ripped out :eek: so I will see how much I can get done before I am planning on getting him.

I had been umming and ahhing about the dog situation - should I, shouldn't I etc. But at the heart of it, is a broken hearted girl who misses her old dog, and thinks she has found a new one who will be just as good, and this is a thing that doesn't require any human queries or agendas or lies, and who is tired of making excuses not to do/have things that she loves because there are responsibilities and expectations yawn yawn yawn.

If it's meant to be, it will be.

Long rambling one tonight....!

satchmo1

Hi LHG

We put our dog in kennels whilst we had work done (floors re-concreted, skirting boards refitted, walls painted etc) which worked well. That could be an option for you, rather than miss out on lazy-greyhound-boy, who sounds lovely?

Hugs, satchmo x

lionheartedgirl

thanks satchmo I think it would be a bit unfair to have him from the kennels and then put him back in so soon, it could be confusing for him (in truth I don't think he would be bothered especially if he went back to the rescue kennels where he would know everyone and know what the score was etc ).

I have pretty much made my mind up this morning that I will go for the dog and put the work off until after Christmas (better for the finances anyway!)

busy day at work today - need to get my head down but this will be a good thing and keep my mind from wandering to a million other things *rolls eyes*