lionheartedgirl promises to let it shine :)

lionheartedgirl

Evening all

This is a new diary for a new stage of my life, I posted previously under a different username.

The title of the diary is inspired by a song which is used in Guides and Brownies, it's a lovely song full of inspiring lyrics, one of which is..

"Hide it (my light) under a bush, oh no, I'm going to let it shine"

I will put the full words up some time. And my username comes from a song that has become rather a mantra lately

A quote was also posted on this forum, I believe by cherisong (but sadly while I saved the quote, I didn't make a note of who posted it!), from Nelson Mandela's inauguration speech:

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us most. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and famous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in all of us. And when we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

I have had a horrendous couple of years due in part to a shocking relationship which I managed to get out of in the end, thank goodness. I am having some counselling to deal with the aftermath and most of what we have been discussing relates to being honest with ourselves about what we want and who we are.

Since I have really got stuck into this, small but wonderful things have started to happen and I feel more and more like a new woman every day.

I am in a lot of debt, with a big house and a mahoosive mortgage to take care of on my own.

Recently I had some good news involving some money. Some months ago I had been talking to a friend at work about the amount of money that would change our lives. We talked about the lottery/meeting a millionaire etc but then the conversation turned to what would actually suffice and make things easier and help us achieve goals in the real world that would make a big difference.

There is a lot of talk on the forum in various threads about asking the Universe. Well, somehow someone has been listening and it seems I am to receive the exact amount mentioned above.

I will still have a fair bit of debt, but the amount makes a massive, massive difference to my day to day living and my finances in the long term.

There are a lot of emotions involved in how the money has come, and needless to say I must use it wisely and in a way that does justice to where it has come from. But it has come nonetheless and I am determined to really make big changes to my life.

So here is the start of my new life. My time on MSE has helped me declutter physically and mentally and materially, and I am so glad that I now feel I know what is important.

My short term goals:

become a social butterfly :j - on a budget naturally :money:
leave things that belong in the past, in the past
Be Flamboyant (thanks again to cherisong) :rotfl:

I am looking forward to a lovely sunny Easter break, knowing I can stay in my home, and also to planning my future. It will just be me (plus the occasional dog) but that suits me fine!

Through this wonderful forum I have managed to keep my head above water over the months and have giggled and sniffled along with many others on their own journeys. So here is mine, phase 2! :j

lionheartedgirl

morning :j

well, I am working from home today (very lucky!), the weather is beautiful and I will be logging off at 5 on the dot to enjoy my weekend.

I am still in a bit of a blur over how things have changed the last couple of days. My house needs some work doing, in particular replacing the windows which will help the heating bills massively this winter, but I will have enough money to do a couple of other jobs too which I am looking forward to.

Spoke to ex fiance yesterday which was very traumatic but not long until all his stuff has gone and that will be a big step to my moving on.

Tomorrow I am playing in a concert in a church that is very special for me. I am not religious but received a lot of help from this church when things fell apart with my fiance. I am looking forward to giving something back and taking part in making some wonderful music with lots of other people.

Money wise, I have overspent slightly this month but was delighted to realise that pay day is only a week away, and while I only have a couple of quid in my purse, I don't need to spend anything apart from food or fuel which is separately budgeted. It has been an extremely tight month, and while I did end up overspending very slightly, my mum gave me a little bit of cash to help so overall I am about even

I wished for an Assured April at the start of the month, and this is what I have been given. I know more than most that things don't always last, but I am feeling very positive and more equipped to cope with hiccups (both financial and emotional)

Hurrah for the sunshine :j

Wordsmith

Hellooooo. And welcome (again). Great to hear you sounding so upbeat. All the best for this next phase. Enjoy the weekend with a lightened heart.

Great news about your changed fortunes - you truly do deserve this - although I understand how it is tinged with sadness. Do you know yet how this will affect your thinking on moving house?

PS. Love the new and positive username.

Buffythedebtslayer

is wondering who this person is.........hmmmm.

"subscribes"

xxxx

lionheartedgirl

:hello: Thank you Wordsmith!

Financially I will be able to stay in the house - I can clear a large loan and this will free up a healthy chunk of debt repayment each month. I can then put this towards clearing my cards down in the short term, and longer term can use this for when the interest rates start to rise (I am on a tracker mortgage).

I can also use my other income to pay the cards down as well, so soon I will have debt equivalent to the value of my instruments which I am OK with. They won't depreciate and I can sell/downgrade them should the worst happen. This will also be repaid with the income from playing them, so feels reasonably sensible.

Overall I will be able to get some savings going which will cushion me should I need it. It will take a couple of months for things to get ironed out but I know it's coming and can plan as a result.

Most of all, I can spare a little for a much needed holiday and a little for a monthly "I'm So Worth It" fund which I have seen others refer to. I will use this for going to gigs and seeing friends, but as [er hypno and many others, I will continue to use my clubcard vouchers and other deals as much as possible. I have been promising myself a new mattress as soon as things improved so will be hunting for this before too long as it is reasonably essential!

Over the weekend I will finally be giving the wardrobe an overhaul. I have a couple of beautiful items that need a dry clean which I just haven't been able to afford to get done, so these will be put aside ready. I have some stunning items which will last many years, so just need to clear through some of the more questionable items.

My granny was one for having just a few understated but beautiful/exquisite items, so one of my pledges is to make the most of what I have and add to it when possible. She loved fashion and textiles. There is an Alexander McQueen retrospective at the Met in New York until the end of July. I am wondering about going as I know she would have loved to see it. Thing is, it won't be a very relaxing holiday as I will want to go and see and do everything!

edit - and Hi to Buffy too. not sure if you posted on my previous diary - I had/still have large dreams but am not LittleBoots!

I don't want to post my old username on here in case ex searches for it. I am probably just being paranoid but would rather not risk it.

Wordsmith

And as a present to yourself will you be buying a new (second-hand) instrument? I do hope the answer is "Yes"!

lionheartedgirl

yes I certainly am!! :j

I took the plunge and rang my mum, explaining my plans and did she have any indication of whether there would be enough money to cover it (she had said there was something coming).

I felt awful but she understood why I had asked and told me what the amount was. She agreed it was a worthwhile purchase

I hope to pick it up in a couple of weeks, it is north of the border but am seeing my other granny soon which is half way :eek: so will have a mega couple of days driving and that will be that.

work laptop is going off and I am off to leap about in front of a DVD for a bit to work off all the brownies I have eaten today (chocolate ones not the 9-year-old-girl variety!)

catch up soon hope all is good with you Wordsmith, will catch up with diaries tonight.

choogirl

Welcome!

So pleased that everythings coming together, you really deserve it.

I'm liking the idea of an I'm so worth it fund, might try that one myself if DH can keep his sticky mitts off my moneybox :rotfl:

Take care xxx

lionheartedgirl

thanks choogirl

I have worked out that just £50 would make a massive difference so this will be the amount - it will cover a haircut, or a few gigs, or an extra trip to family or train fare to London to do a gallery or see friends.

I have made my £100 envelope stretch pretty well this month (apart from the overspend but as mentioned mum helped with this one!), mostly by avoiding the vending machine as much as possible!

I have a big challenge now though, as one of my friends is just back from Australia and has asked if I want to go out tomorrow night for food and a couple of drinks. It won't be a big one but will be great to see her as she is such a positive influence. I have Pizza Express vouchers for 2 courses for £10 so that will help us, and I can use some of last weekend's harp money to cover it.

I don't want to say no as one of my goals is to do more social stuff so I just need to stretch the pennies a bit. I don't need to go into debt to do it so am going to go for it. It will be nice to get dressed up (shopping from my wardrobe of course!) and be out and about doing something different. And I know she will be skint too so hopefully it shouldn't cost too much.

My £2 Halston dress is FABULOUS! Finally tried it on last night - it's a little long but no surprise there. It is a very plain shirtwaister kind of dress - sounds really old fashioned and I guess it is quite 70s, but it is lovely. Plain black heavy silk satin with a satin belt. It is A-line so I can perform in it as well without flashing anything. So with my fringe and a pair of heels and my glasses, I will be rocking a Miss Moneypenny look I think :cool:

Had a long lie-in this morning, have walked the dog and done 30 mins core stability with Davina. Just off to make like the Queen of Sheba, and will then grab some lunch and head off to the rehearsal for this evening's concert.

We are playing John Rutter's Requiem with a small orchestra and choir. Very scary as my part is very exposed (not many instruments so nothing to hide behind in case of mistakes!) but it's not technically difficult, just hard to count!

Hope everyone has a lovely day

lionheartedgirl

morning all,

the concert went really well, normally I am scared silly of orchestral rehearsals but this one was a real giggle with such lovely people.

It was very hard in some ways as it was in the church where I went last year with ex fiance to ask the vicar if he would marry us - in fact it was just before Easter last year (so just over a year as Easter is so late this year). So last time I was there I was so full of hope for a new life with ex. Also had to drive past his old house - it is such a beautiful part of Essex and one of my favourites. If I could live anywhere it would be around there (but doubt I could ever afford it!)

But made the best of it and stayed positive and had a good day. Now life is full of hope in a different way and I am moving on

Took the pooch out for a brief sniff, he really is getting on now and done 30 mins of Davina. I'm catching up with Corrie and then going to indulge in a bacon butty had wine and mini eggs last night so good job I am doing all this Davina at the moment!

No idea what else to do today - there is plenty but I really can't decide. It's lovely and sunny but will be a bit hot for gardening I think. So will probably get some practice done and take it steady.

Enjoy the sunshine (if you still have some!)

choogirl

Hi Lionheartedgirl

Glad your concert went well, I don't have any musical talent whatsoever its a real gift - I can't even sing a note.
You've obviously made alot of progress by been able to look at the church and ex fiances house with nostalgia instead of falling to pieces so thats brilliant!

I need to do some exercise as well, but theres always an excuse with me, too busy, studying, kids etc - it will be on my to do list after the exams.

Enjoy your bacon butty and the sunshine as well, its still shining here as well.