lionheartedgirl promises to let it shine :)

Souk08

Ah LHG, really sorry to hear you're having a tough time.

I dont really know what to say about it all but (()) and I hope that counselling goes well tonight X

lionheartedgirl

thanks Souk, I am thinking of you lots at the mo and keeping everything crossed that things resolve themselves soon for you.

Counselling was good last night, we talked about the man thing, and the dream thing, and the work thing and all manner of other things. Most of all we talked about getting more fun and social stuff into my life and doing the things I want to do and love doing

We also talked an awful lot about the harp and how big a thing it is in my life - physically, financially, emotionally. She referred to it as being almost like a partner in terms of how much it demands, and while I hadn't thought about it like that before, I think she has hit on something. I'm not sure if I just need a rest from it, or need to rethink my relationship with it all over again.

I've also been to the doctor's this morning, saw a different doctor and she was brilliant. Nothing major to worry about, and she is fairly confident that all the various symptoms are stress related, even the tummy issues. She offered to sign me off for a bit if I wanted/needed, but agreed the holiday was a very good thing and told me to come back to see her again when I get back. She's given me some forms to get some bloods done just to check there is nothing else underlying so that's reassuring me.

The joiner's on his way to quote for my new stairs so had best pootle off.

Oh - and looks like I have a lovely new lodger! :j You may remember the chap who hosts the open mic night at the pub who I thought was rather nice well he is newly single and needs somewhere to live so I offered and he seems chuffed with my spare room. So he will most likely be moving in next weekend.

Wordsmith

You're sounding a bit more upbeat, Lionheartedgirl - that's good to hear.

The relationship with your harp (if that doesn't sound too weird) is not necessarily a bad thing. As with all relationships, as long as it is kept in proportion and isn't to the exclustion of everyone/everything else, it can be quite healthy as long as you are in love and not treating it as a chore.

Good news on the lodger - in money terms. I know he hasn't even arrived yet, but BE CAREFUL.

I bet you are counting down the minutes to your holiday. It will be wonderful.

redsquirrel80

Hope it works out well with the lodger. Very good point from your counsellor about the harp - you're negotiating a new (adult) relationship with it too, as opposed to the one you had when you were younger (this has just sunk in with me with the flute after my teacher saying about 10000 times - "you're an adult now, it's different"!)

How long till your hols now?

lionheartedgirl

well I've been and I'm back :j

I've had a fantastic holiday, very relaxing, lovely food, met some fantastic people and I'm very chilled out (and stretched out too!)

I had a life coaching session which was brilliant, and joined in on a colour/image workshop too - this was loads of fun and extremely helpful on the wardrobe front.

I've walked, eaten, drunk, slept, been swimming, chatted, laughed plus done 3 hours yoga a day for the last few days. Some of the yoga wasn't really for me but on the last night we did a lovely Buddhist meditation and this really rounded things off nicely.

So now I'm full of aims and goals and inspiration. I felt very emotional yesterday knowing I was coming home and needed to keep in touch with everything I'd thought about while I was away, but will be cutting back on lots of things, putting more fun stuff in and generally trying to stay calm.

I did a full on SOA/review while I was there and was qutie pleasantly surprised to find that if things stay steady on the job front, and my lodger stays for a few months, I will be doing alright on the financial front and the pressure is off as long as I am careful.

I can afford to stay in my house long term, but am struggling to commit to staying in the same place for an extended period of time - this is childhood stuff coming up (moved around so much!) and will take some dealing with.

This is taking some changing of attitude, as obviously I can't let go and go mad, but there is a little wriggle room as long as I get some money put aside for a rainy day. It won't be some of the colossal amounts suggested elsewhere, but anything has to be better than nothing, and while I am still clearing debt off, I now feel in a place where I want a bit of financial security to grab onto when I'm feeling nervous.

I have no idea what's round the corner, but I do feel like the light is back behind my eyes again and while it will take some time to build my life how i want it, at least I know I still want to be here and it's worth me being here, which has been in doubt at times over the last year!!

Lots of old stuff now feels like a very long way away and that's got to be good.

So, lots of plans and things to come - watch this space. Blog has gone quiet while I struggled with everything else, but i have some direction on this front now so hope to make this regular very soon.

Hope everyone is well and not too frazzled

hypno06

Superb post, LHG - sounds like the break came just at the perfect time for you.

Enjoy xxx

lionheartedgirl

Morning all,

well. the prospect of an empty weekend with lots of clearing out to do! :eek: fortunately my dad is coming tomorrow afternoon to help with some garden stuff, otherwise there is a danger I wasn't going to see a soul - this brings back some very unhappy memories/fears from months past, but is much less of a worry now.

I've got a busy day working from home and will have a notepad next to me for all the random thoughts that pop out - they are coming thick and fast at the moment and I will be in danger of getting distracted from the work mountain..... :mad:

I had a day in London yesterday for work, it was tiring and it involved a very confrontational meeting but I got through it and enjoyed being in the city, looking rather fabulous if I do say so myself in 2 items recently returned from the dry cleaners :j which I will be making maximum use of through the winter!

Added up my wardrobe spends this year - bordering on outrageous, but 90% of what I have bought has been and will be worn to death, so I consider that a success. It's all been funded through extra work, not through getting into more debt, so that's something. And now, bar a big shop at the start of summer, I should be able to just maintain with a couple of little buys to keep things ticking over, rather than starting again which is what I've basically done.

I came back after my holiday and out of a packed wardrobe, there was one suitable dress I could wear for work. Everything else was in the wash, out of season or under the "really need to get rid" heading. the colour/image lady gave me some great pointers so I will be tackling it all this weekend. Gin and up tunes may be required :eek:

I've done a bit more on my blog and did some research on some of my dreams I've done some Pilates this morning to unfold me from a couple of day's crappy posture and work stress, I've got a nice HM curry out of the freezer for tea and feel in a good place today. Hope it lasts :rotfl:

Shoe_Gal

You are sounding positive :A

LittleBoots

Holiday sounds amazing! Also sounding very positive and happier now

lionheartedgirl

thanks both

had a busy and very productive day yesterday Dad came over and we cleared lots of garden stuff I'd been wanting to do for ages including hoiking out a massive tree root. He gave me a hand at the tip and I went on an extended light bulb buying mission for all the niggly bulbs that have gone in my kitchen. Now I can see my pizza cooking and have the lights on so I can see stuff on the hob :rotfl: NOthing like procrastinating hey - they've been out for ages!

It makes such a difference having another pair of hands and Dad was really happy to help and do blokey stuff in my garden he's coming back today with the dogs so that could make things interesting as we will be digging some soil out to help solve a damp issue I've got. I also cleared out all the storm drains from the front of the house which again has been put off for months.

So I feel very empowered much as I hate that word :rotfl: ex hubs used to do all these sorts of jobs and made a big deal of it. Easy peasy. Plus the guys from the window shop have mended my conservatory roof - asked nicely and while it was a lot of faffing for them, they haven't charged me as I'm getting all my windows done soon

So more time in the garden today. I haven't heard back from potential lodger - detecting a theme here, I think I must just be invisible to blokes or something :cool: ah well :rotfl:

Other dreadfully sad news - one of my favourite bike riders was killed in a horrendous accident this morning My heart is heavy, I saw the crash on the telly and immediately feared the worst but hoped it wasn't as it seemed. Sadly it was and he will be sorely missed. He was a real character, absolutely barking mad and a very aggressive riding style which has got him into trouble a few times. BUt as one of my friends used to say, this isn't knitting, it's racing motorbikes and you have to go for it. The racing world will feel his loss heavily and as a big fan, it won't be the same watching the racing without him.

Another reminder to make the most of life and live it to the full and not get bogged down in stupid stuff that really doesn't matter in the long run. Yes racing is incredibly dangerous, but in my family we know that things happen when crossing the road etc and we believe in doing what you love, and being as safe as you can while doing that. I'll get off my soap box now