lionheartedgirl promises to let it shine :)

Wordsmith

Sorry you are not feeling great, Lionheartedgirl. Being stood up sucks - but at least you got some fun out of it early on and found out soon enough what he was like. Although ... don't necessarily believe everything you read on Facebook. By stood up, do you mean he just didn't turn up? Or did he let you know? With or without a reasonable excuse? I'm sure your mutual friend wouldn't purposely give you false information, so have an open mind, but maybe a bit more of a closed heart regarding this man. Whatever, he did you good for a time - gave you renewed hope that there's someone out there for you (and there is), put an end to the drought, gave you something to feel excited over.

It's not long now until your holiday. Hang on in there. Can you take a day or even just an afternoon off - just to for yourself?

Thanks for that quote from Steve Jobs. He was one of very few people who can really be classed as a visionary and someone to admire.

hypno06

LHG I wish I could say something to make it all better for you x

lionheartedgirl

thanks both I'm feeling much, much better today, having had a really good thing about the work situation and a few other things.

My heart was lifted out of my chest by 15 little Brownie faces last night - I was a little late arriving and when I walked in they were all beaming at me. The !!!!!! week melted away then and there. We did several rounds of wink murder (my favourite brownie game, and many of theirs too!) and it was great fun, just what I needed.

Spoke to my mum when I got back which helped too. I'm off my food at the moment, hungry but not really fancying much to eat but managed some chips last night from the chippy on the way home from Brownies On a completely irresponsible side, I am enjoying the weight loss that comes from all the worrying :rotfl:

The standing up has been explained a little, and I believe the explanation so I have calmed down a bit, but have definitely taken it as a warning that I was getting far too wound up with it all and have got to chill out a bit out of self preservation. but Wordsmith you are very right, if nothing else we have had some good laughs and some really good times so who knows.

in the mean time, I have made plans for tomorrow with friends, and am really looking forward to a spot of holiday shopping in the morning and learning some sea shanties in the afternoon

I have some investigating to do on the work front, Mr Jobs' quote above has really really made me think hard. I actually like being in finance, the work I do at the moment may not change the world but I do have some ideas as to how to make my work matter more and get my brain round some more interesting stuff, and you never know, maybe this will change the world .

I had been thinking about some more studying a while ago and doing something mathsy so will check that out again and see if anything suits.

best of all, I rode my bike into work this morning. It was a little fresh but I had a good ride in and fell in love with my bike again :j

lionheartedgirl

evening all,

well the potential new man is all off. really messing me about re coming to see me, he has rung a couple of times arranging to come then not coming. no explanation, no apology. out of order and I haven't heard from him at all today so have drawn my own conclusions. I'm very upset about it but am just getting on with it as best I can, and determined to be more careful next time. I will arrange to see my counselling lady for an extra session on Monday as I really am finding everything so difficult (not just the man thing, but this really is the cherry on the cake of a very bad couple of weeks and was so unexpected)

today has been OK. I woke up at 6, have been waking up long before I needed to all week. So got up and read some magazines and had some bacon butties then headed off for some shopping in town.

I got a nice swimsuit - I love polka dots and this is black and white and reversible. A really nice tankini which fits well and was a good price. I got a couple of other bits too but have been very spendy and it's a little out of control so I do need to spend some time looking at my wardrobe and putting things together properly before I buy anything else.

However, combined with my recently returned dry cleaning, I really should have everything I need bar some nice flat boots. Saw some nice KG ones today, a bargain too, so may go back for them.

I cooked properly last night for the first time in ages, a really fab WW curry which works fantastically every time and doesn't feel like it's as healthy as it is :cool: lately I just haven't felt like eating much at all. This afternoon I actually finally felt ravenous so headed to the supermarket to get stuff for a ginormous sausage casserole which is in the oven now and will keep me going in various guises til I go away.

I went out this afternoon with my dad, on our bikes, to look at new bikes for him. We had a good time the weather was a bit too grotty to do much, so I am a little sad to miss the sea shanties but I am glad to have had some time at home.

I'm teaching all day tomorrow which will be OK, but a long journey there and back. I still need a couple of holiday bits so should be able to pick something up in between lessons.

tonight I will flake a bit with some crappy telly, maybe have a peek in the wardrobe and then have an early night.

I hope this phase passes - I hate feeling like this.

BEAT_THE_DEBT

hope you feel better soon xx

Shoe_Gal

Hang in there - not long until your hols :A

hypno06

It will pass. It truly will. It takes time, and there are many layers that need unravelling and sorting, but it will produce positive results allowing you to move forward.

Keep going - you are actually doing far better than you give yourself credit for x

redsquirrel80

Hypno speaks the truth, as ever.
It's really obvious how much being on the bike makes you happy, I hope you can find more time for that.

lionheartedgirl

afternoon all

well I gave in this morning and have taken to the sofa. I've cancelled tonight's teaching, and will probably be off tomorrow as well given how grotty I feel. I'm not streaming but I definitely feel like I have a monster cold adding to the general flattened feeling... they are probably linked. I will try and get to the doctor's tomorrow morning just to check there is nothing else going on as I have been feeling so bleurghhh for so long.

Teaching yesterday was mixed - some good, some less so. 2 pupils in particular were wonderful - one of them is new and has a lovely bonkers family. I got there early on my way home from somewhere else (as someone cancelled on me :mad:) so the dad made me a nice cuppa and we had a long chat about our musical tastes and learning different styles of music and instruments etc. The little girl is an absolute joy and we had a real giggle together. She is only 8 but managed an hour plus long lesson fine - quite rare in my experience. Her mum sat in, we were going great guns so her mum said to carry on if I didn't mind and she would pay me for the extra.

PLUS as I was driving up the absurdly long drive, I was greeted by an enormous, beautiful Irish Wolfhound who escorted me up the drive and then met me out of the car and took me to the front door :rotfl: absolutely gorgeous!!

So today I have flaked out on the sofa with the telly and internet. I'm going to go through some money stuff so I can get some control back, and then do some more wardrobe sorting bits. That will be more than enough for today, I feel completely drained. Oh, and I might read some housey magazines as I have stacks to catch up on.

I've not heard anything from the chap. Gutted but it is passing as we know it will do in time

In other news, I may have acquired a lodger. A guy I know through the open mic night is recently single and needs somewhere to stay. He seems like a nice guy and a few people I know also know him so I can check him out a bit more before I make a definite decision on it. His requirements seem quite simple so hopefully it will suit both of us. I have no idea what to charge so had best do some research as he's coming round tomorrow to take a look.

I'm hoping to see counselling lady later. So much to talk about and I could do with a little help before I go on holiday so I can process stuff a bit better.

lionheartedgirl

ok so here's a thought.

I normally pop on this site every couple of days after someone on the Matrix Thread posted a link to it.

here is today's - about dreams.

http://greatday.com/motivate/111010.html

Without wishing to sound too maudlin or tooooo sorry for myself, I feel like I have lost track of what my dreams are. Maybe this is why it feels like such hard going at the moment?

Something to think about for while I'm away?