lionheartedgirl promises to let it shine :)

lionheartedgirl

haha satchmo, that's great :rotfl: you're not nuts at all! (but I am also one who sings it often so maybe not the best judge! )

Yesterday was wonderful. It was very tiring but so rewarding and I really enjoyed meeting and teaching such lovely people.

I was awake half an hour before my alarm, and I am so glad of this because as I was grumbling away to myself about how early it was, I opened my curtains and was confronted with the most beautiful sunrise. I will try and get a picture up later - foggy, fields, sun, pink, purple, trees, just gorgeous! I am so lucky with the view from my bedroom window

I went out with friends last night (and it has been so long since I have been able to say that so casually) - my lovely singer friend brought her best mate along so we had a really fab meal out (with vouchers :money:) and finished the evening off with mint tea :cool: tres rock'n'roll!:rotfl:

I was in bed for 10.30, new man was in soppy mood so had some lovely texts just before I went to sleep, which was very very nice but just seems a bit too be good to be true . Hopefully he is coming to mine on Wednesday, I hope nothing goes wrong as I am really looking forward to seeing him.

minor/major confession.....I have bought a new harp. I had been wondering about adding to the collection a little while ago. Anyway I've done it. It arrives on Wednesday. It will be very handy for teaching and much better for impromptu visits to the pub!

So I now have a little craft project as the cover sold by the shop is vile. Therefore I am going to make one. I'm looking forward to getting the sewing machine out and creating something suitably sumptuous

LittleBoots

Congrats on the new Harp, there was me feeling guilty for buying a new tv for my room haha! x

lionheartedgirl

haha, yeah i could have bought a few new TVs with the money :eek: but it will be worth it.

I am whacked today but have managed to turn a really !!!!!! day around into a really good one.

work is really getting me down, was just warming up to a nice headache this afternoon and then my boss came round with a real mind bender of a problem for me to work on - I could feel my head pounding as she started speaking :rotfl:

worked out it was because I was hungry, but was due to teach my new mad pupil as soon as I got in - was dreading it but he was such an utter star, we had a real giggle and my headache just melted away.

I've had really healthy tea, done some good practice AND finally got back to Davina :j - and the great news is, the Pilates I have been doing, although fairly minimal, has kept me in shape and I am really feeling the benefits of doing everything. I'd like to keep up Davina 3 times a week and Pilates 3 times a week but that will be a bit of a challenge I think

Never mind.

I went shopping last night, having done a bit of a wardrobe evaluation. I FINALLY took all my dry cleaning in to get done, and found a lovely short toasty winter coat that I had forgotten about, but will save me buying a new one. And a gorgeous skirt I had also forgotten. Result :j

And I have lovely new undies. These were on the list long before the new man put in an appearance but I haven't found anything I like. Bit the bullet and went into HoF last night - not cheap, but utterly divine - and a brand I hadn't tried before but will be buying again.

Other than the clothing splurge, I have hardly spent anything this month. I've had my highest number of AF days ever, and mostly feel in control of things.

the job situation needs some serious consideration. But this can wait til after I'm back from holiday. In the mean time, I have stacks to do but lots of good stuff too.

hypno06

Sounds superb.....and I am a great believer in good undies making you feel fantastic. On a "cost per wear" basis, you really do get reasonable value for money out of them compared with some other clothing items, so not so un-mse as you might think.

That's my excuse anyway!

lionheartedgirl

eek there is a distinct lack of shining going on at the moment in fact I am rapidly sinking.

things are very low here, I'm majorly stressed with work and had 2 dashes out of the office yesterday for crying in the car park. Not had this for a long time, so I really really need to act on it as I am not going back to where it took me last time :mad: it's not that I have been ignoring the signs, just haven't worked out how to approach it with my boss just yet.

My holiday is fast approaching which will help. There are a couple of extra things I can do while I am there that I really fancy, horse riding, a life coaching session etc.

Harp stuff has been bonkers. I have a day off on Saturday and I am looking forward to this so much. I hope to go and check out a local sea shanty festival which sounds very intriguing and right up my alley and so wonderfully quirky.

Man stuff - had a lovely time with him last week but things have been a bit quiet the last couple of days and I'm afraid my head is working overtime with everything else let alone that on top of it. I really like him, it all seems very promising so I have taken "Don't be too nuts" as my mantra :rotfl: so I don't frighten him off.

I am aware I am not thinking rationally at the moment as I am just so bloody tired and overwrought. There's lots of emotional stuff going on, again brought to a head because I am so tired and got so much going on in every single area of my life.

On the plus side, I am keeping the weight off and as a result am wearing some rather fabulous skinny jeans today - my first pair ever. I'm not sure they are quite right on me with my footballer knees but they feel nice and I think they look nice enough. I may even brave a swimming cossie/bikini in public next week :eek:

hypno06

Oh hunny, sorry to read that you are on the low side. Sounds like your break is just what is required, especially if it includes life coaching and stuff like that.

As for the emotional/man/overthinking stuff......it is so difficult not to do this! But I do love your "don't be too nuts" mantra, and think I will adopt it for myself .

And hurrah for skinny jeans. tres sexy

LittleBoots

I agree, sounds like this upcoming holiday is much needed. Is there no way you can cancel/postpone some of the things you have got going on?? It won't by any means make you a failure but if it helps a crash and burn scenario...

Your mantra actually made me giggle! Glad I'm not the only one who thinks like that

redsquirrel80

Hope the holiday hurries up and arrives quickly for you. Loving the mantra too. And yay for skinny jeans :T

lionheartedgirl

afternoon feeling a bit less fraught today but only because I am not in the office so am not getting pestered every 5 minutes! :mad:

still very weepy, and while what I really need is good proper howling wailing gnashing of teeth, I just can't and haven't been able to for months. So it just keeps sneaking out in dribs and drabs instead

potential new man has definitely cooled - heard from him loads last week, not heard from him much at all this week. Last night I made the fatal mistake of looking at his FB profile again (not been on in ages as I hate the new layout) and saw lots of comments about him putting about a bit, which was a hell of a shock as that was not what our mutual friend had said, and not the impression I had got from meeting him at all. Why do we put ourselves through it!

Well, I know why. I am not enjoying being on my own and don't want to be on my own forever. I like my own company, am perfectly capable of having a good time and am definitely not desperate for a man, and all my plans now are based on it being just me for the forseeable, despite hoping this won't be the case.

So I am still trying to stay cool about it all, but am accepting that this may be another one that bites the dust and if it does, it's unlikely to be down to me. It's very hard, especially at the moment on top of everything else, but nothing ventured nothing gained so at least I gave it a go.

My married friend picks his moments and always, always seems to text/get in touch when I am at my lowest, I have no idea how he does it. Surprise surprise, last night my phone beeped and it was him. I am resisting that very hard as it will only lead to heartbreak

I am wound up so tight I could snap at the moment, I don't think I've ever needed a holiday so much in my entire life!

This week is actually not as bad as things have been in terms of things to do/places to be, and once I am back from holiday my time is much more my own. I just need to keep it that way, and fill it with things that are FOR ME!!!

I have been thinking a lot again about doing what I love and making my life how i really want it to be, as I never ever want to be in this awful place again. There will be space aplenty to do this on holiday, but it will involve some bold steps to be taken when I get back. I am exhausted by having to change things all the time and all the thinking, but if it gets me to where I want to be, then so be it.

Most of the dreams involve throwing myself around a race track. This isn't going away, I don't have any dependents to worry about so I might as well enjoy myself doing this while I don't have the ties. It isn't a cheap option but it's doable and it's about the best way of feeling alive that I know.

Money is reasonably under control although making lunch for work has gone out of the window lately so I have been a bit spendy due to this.

I worked out yesterday that my current debt balance, which will be just over £24k at the end of the month, is now equivalent to the value of my harp and the amount I have spent doing up my house. So effectively I have cleared all the naughty spends, which is brilliant news.

If I can sort out the full time job and get this back into balance so I am enjoying it and not having a breakdown from work stress, it's worth it to me to stay in the house and be able to pay for my racing. If I can't cope with staying in my current profession full time, then my choices will have to be very different.

lionheartedgirl

things are still really low here, got stood up last night so really upset about it but philosophical still.

just popped on to share a quote from Steve Jobs, so sorry to hear that he had lost the fight.... it seems particularly apt at the moment.

Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything - all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.

Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice.

Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don't settle.