lionheartedgirl promises to let it shine :)

lionheartedgirl

whoops sorry LB, didn't see the irony of the cows followed by a burger thing at all! :eek:

didn't do either in the end as it was very gloomy and cloudy so did my supermarket shop and got nibbles to have in the car instead.

Counselling was good - very weepy as expected but helpful too. It was good to have someone to really talk to about stuff again - friends and family mean well but I get the feeling they think I should be 'over it' by now and moving on. I am hoping not to have to go back to GP about things again but will try a few weeks of basic self-maintenance and see how I go, hopefully things will drop into place again if I make some space.

I met the other 2 of my counsellor's dogs - they were lovely. Her big staffy peed in the middle of the floor as he was a bit excited but it was so funny we had to giggle, especially as he looked so sorry afterwards :rotfl:

managed everything on my list yesterday (well, not the cleaning/Davina stuff) and felt OK when the alarm went off.

Counsellor lady has lent me a book called Cutting the Ties that Bind - my harp teacher had recommended it before but had lent it to someone else so couldn't borrow it from her. I started reading it last night and it seems completely different to what I had expected, not sure if it's in a good way yet. I will read some more and see what comes out if anything.

It's gig night tonight and I am hoping to find a little bit of strength to go out. Was meant to be teaching harp pupil but he has been very naughty so is off all privileges - so he still has to practice but isn't allowed his lessons this week. I am glad of a couple of nights off! so can catch up on cleaning and Davina.

LittleBoots

Oh dear at harp pupil!!
Hope you are feeling better today. I have stayed awake since alarm went off this morning. However it was set so I'd get up and do something but I'm still in bed watching telly.
Yawn

lionheartedgirl

LB I was just readiing about your lack of flight, what a bummer! haven't watched you on telly yet but will get to it today!

will you be going later this week or just cancelling the lot?

the mood is lifting here slightly - back to basics seems to be working well. I had a trip to the vending machine yesterday but it didn't send me crashing too low so that was good. Need to get better armed with nibbles for work - some days I am hungrier than others so would be good to have something stashed in my desk drawer just in case. Trouble is, if it's there I have to eat it! :rotfl:

Had a nice lie in this morning - was a bit naughty on the snoozes but nothing major.

I decided not to go to the gig last night in the end. I looked up the band and saw some youtube clips. the music looked good but it was definitely a bouncy out with your mates kind of thing rather than shuffling in and hanging out at the back which was what I was going to be doing, so gave it a miss. There are a few other things coming up that look better for me at the mo, and I am definitely on for trying the jam night next Monday (just watching/listening for now!)

Instead I watched the Prince Philip programme on ITV - the trailers really appealed and I really enjoyed it! A fascinating life and a very unusual path for a man to take in that era - having to give up your career to support your wife!

Also got some harp practice done. It's 5 weeks tomorrow until Italy so am very focussed on preparing properly. I feel I have lost my way a bit with the harp stuff lately so hopefully some time in the hills will help on lots of different levels.

At the moment my arms are tensing up at the slightest thought of playing the harp, which is getting into quite serious physical performance anxiety and is a bit worrying. I am doing 30-40 min practice sessions of less complex/technically demanding music and stopping and stretching the minute it feels too much on my arms. Over the weekend I was in a complete panic as I was feeling that I have been playing for 3 years and haven't really finished anything off properly that I have been working on. So typical of me, on to the next thing before I have finished something else :mad:

But a little bit of thought has led me to choose some different stuff that I know I can have ready before I go. I need to get some lessons in and have a long heart to heart with my harp teacher about where I'm going with it.

In the mean time, best get to work. My remote connection is playing up today so I foresee a frustrating chat with my IT dept!!! :mad:

LittleBoots

Hiya, theres only two flight a week so were just trying for refunds and gonna look at getting a cheap beach holiday later
I look pretty tragic on TV
Have you spoke to your harp teacher/buddy about your anxieties? Maybe theyve gone through similar things...

burntfingers_2

Hi just popped on to say hello and remember baby steps....even if its a a few steps forward and a wobble or two it will get better.

lionheartedgirl

morning all,

well what do you know, the back to basics/baby steps thing is working a charm. definitely something to remember for the future. It's something that flylady mentions as well, plotting out your routine so that when things get a little crazy you have something to get back to.

I have had a good week so far, have eaten some yukky frogs at work and had my most efficient work from home days ever.

I am feeling much better about the work from home thing - managed a job in one hour at home,which would normally take me half a day in the office due to constant interruptions etc. I have been thinking lots about Firewalker's comments about productivity being measured in tasks not hours - and have stopped work when I have achieved everything in my diary for the day and not felt guilty about it.

I had a bad night's sleep last night but even that wasn't too horrendous this morning, got in the shower and felt much better. Cutting out the alcohol has helped a lot and I haven't missed it really.

LB - my harp teacher has had very similar issues in her teens and almost stopped playing so she is definitely a good person to talk to. I am feeling better about it in general, have revised my targets and aspirations slightly so that i don't feel I am doing easier stuff as such, just music that I enjoy more, which will lead to a better performance because my heart will really be in it.

I have some music to sort out for a wedding on Saturday later, after Brownies. Need to do a quick zap round with the hoover to go towards my cleaning time.

Oh - and MrP rang last night :eek: :eek: :rotfl: we chatted away for about half an hour, it was really nice. I'm not holding my breath for much more but will see how it goes. Another weekend has been mentioned which will be nice, but I did say to him that he had to understand I wouldn't hold my breath he understood, apologised and changed the subject! No sense ruling him out while there are no other irons in the fire (sounds bad but I know what I mean) but equally I must not let myself get too wound up about it again.

the weekend is almost here, I am off to see my niece and nephew on Sunday with my mum, and then Monday I have the day to myself - planning some gardening if the weather is nice and minor DIY if not.

hope everyone is well xx

dirtyepic

Hi lionheartedgirl,

You are so right about the babysteps. I have found that when I promise myself to do this and that I just don't remember what I am supposed to do.

I would rather take ages to achieve something completely than overstretch myself.

It will all get done eventually and as long as I am in control of these issues I will feel great about it!

Rome wasn't built in a day and all that malarkey!

Hope you have the weekend you were planning. Take care of yourself hinny!

dirtyepic

lionheartedgirl

evening just a quick one (she says, conscious that she always says that and then rambles for hours!)

b2b has worked well, so I will keep it up next week. I am low on fresh veg so need a quick trip out to top that up so I can eat well.

today's wedding was nice, bit of a shabby venue with a couple of grumpy staff but the guests and bride and groom etc were lovely. the bride had requested a whole load of Glee bits and a little bit of Twilight stuff - not on my normal rep list so added these, and had a whale of a time busking Don't Stop Believing last night to practice, while giving myself a huuuuge blister in the process :rotfl: owww!

in other news - MY CAR RADIO IS FIXED AT LAST. It has been on the blink for months now but I couldn't face replacing it, so thought I would hang on for my car service and ask my lovely garage about it then. so this was done on wednesday, and it's all mended for £30. I have missed my Radio 4 habit, and was crying with laughter at Alan and Mel on R2 this evening as I drove home. It's all about the little things hey :rotfl:

today is ex fiance's birthday, and also my much loved aunty who died when I was 17. so lots of thoughts of things past, lucky escapes and moving forwards and making the most of life.

I have bought a new (to me) bike. I am very excited about this. This is part of my gran's money - but part of it will have trickled down from my grandad, him of the mad thrillseeking bareknuckle fighting horsetrading fish frying piano playing motorcycle building stubborn side of my dad's family, so i know he would approve although I never met him due to all manner of silly rifts. I have met many of his family, just not him. Granny was one for being careful with your money so that you could spend it on things you would treasure, I think she would have understood too.

This year's project is live music. Next year's (at the moment, until the wind changes) is racing. This feels good.

Shoe_Gal

Happy new bike! :j

Wordsmith

lionheartedgirl wrote: »

thoughts of things past, lucky escapes and moving forwards and making the most of life.

Well said! Make this your mantra. We all should.

Exciting news about the bike. When do you get it? Can you say what it is?

You are so inspiring, lionhearted girl. You are doing great - don't lose sight of that. I always look forward to your posts.