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Pressure from 'Friends' and people you know
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Makes you feel kind of shitty thinking they will be opening cards from everyone else with 50/100/150 off other people and getting 20 off us. I think we may have to go with your idea of getting a nice photo frame or album.
As for a gift buy them something like a bottle of champagne or give them £20.
Do you have a good off licence nearby? Perhaps you could ask them for some advice on a good bottle of wine/champagne (around the £20-25 mark?) that can be laid down for a few years - add a nice tag/label with the details and saying something along the lines of saving it for that next memorable occasion - i.e new baby, 1/5/10 yr anniversary. A reminder of their happy day and less demanding on your pocket!
It's something a bit different, and more memorable than a couple of notes/cheque in a card that can be spent in a flash.
"Do not wait; the time will never be "just right." Start where you stand, and work with whatever tools you may have at your command, and better tools will be found as you go along." Napoleon Hill
If your OH's 'friends' can't appreciate your situation then quite frankly they are not worth bothering with. There's a big difference between a social circle and friends. Your true friends won't care about how much money you do or don't have, they'll just be pleased to see you.
Please don't compromise your future security for the sake of some very shallow people.
At our wedding we asked for vouchers/money, for practical reasons, but I would have been mortified if I thought people felt pressure to compete. £20 is great. Someone gave us an 'oxfam sponsor a teacher in Africa' card instead, and I thought that was fabulous (OH is teacher).
If you are close friends, then maybe make something special - a photo-montage of fun times or their favourite poem in a frame - that will mean more.
And two hen do's is ridiculous (well especially to invite someone to both)!
I hope everything works out on the job front - planning and being sensible certainly helps there. I was unemployed for 12 months, and still had a bit of savings, it can be done!
Good luck with everything
They don't seem to be able to grasp it. You'd think one of them having 17k on credit cards would make them wake up.
I have to say no to many nights out. Luckily most of my friends understand but it does make me feel embarrassed to say this and it can cause friction between my wife as we start feeling sorry for ourselves wondering why we can't afford the new clothes, expensive holiday, 4 bedroom house etc.... and then wondering how everyone else manages on seemingly lower incomes. We try an re-assure ourselves that at least we are not in a lot of debt and are in control of our budget and with a little patience the nicer things will come.
I was in the same position with weddings last year - we were invited to 5 and they were all close friends or family. That led to stag do invites (all abroad) - I managed to afford 1 but had to turn down the rest even through it was mainly the same group of friends. They understood and while it was disappointing not going, once they were over I reassured myself with the fact that I hadn't spent the best part of £700 going away each time and I can have cheaper days out to the pub any time with them.
As for presents - We stuck to £25 for each of them to keep things fair. Most level headed people realise how much a wedding costs for guests and are grateful for any present.
Stick with your plans, good friends will stay with you, you'll be thankful that you can enjoy life once you are clear of any debt and the nice things in life will come and you'll appreciate them all the more knowing that you can actually afford them.
So basically, I end up paying for stuff that she has gone to, which I cannot go to myself. Don't get me wrong, she has become excellent at curbing her spending with almost everything but its just this last area which doesn't seem to be working. Its tricky trying to find a balance and I feel very selfish for feeling resentful towards paying for things when I don't really have any money to enjoy things myself.
A part of me just wants to say !!!! it, you spend whatever you want on whatever social events your ridiculous friends want to have and you can figure out how to pay it back yourself, but of course I know this will not work longer term.
Just stick to your guns and the message will get through eventually. The most important thing is to be consistent. If you keep saying no to stuff then suddenly say yes to something out of guilt/pressure then they will think you are just being fickle.
Sounds like there are some major LBMs coming to her friends. Just be glad you have had yours before it all gets out of hand. Like another poster said, when they are all struggling with DMPs you will be sitting comfortably and they will be wishing they had been more like you.
Believe me, having a big flash wedding is all well and good but when your life is on hold and you are struggling to pay for it 5 years later it all seems a little unnecessary. Don't get suckered in by your big spending friends.