Nearly 30, in debt, lost and nervous! I need to change.

Lost_and_nervous

Well I get a phone call which I couldnt answer as was at work, I got a txt message to say they have called me and to contact them, then I got an email from CCCS confirming the above and that they had some questions to ask before they are able to continue with the DMP so I answered them and emailed them back, I just hope its all ok. I really do I am so worried now about it!

And then my car has gone wrong so is in the garage! waiting to hear whats wrong with it. More money which I cerainly dont have so OH is going to have to lend me some, as I cant afford to pay.

I am feeling so down today, I really am. I am fed up feeling like this. its all about money, its all about my relationship, things were looking up but I seem to have taken a step back. And I dont like it.

Thank you for being here xxx

ebayqueen_2

Hi Lost

Have been away a few days and am only catching up with posts now. Don't panic .... take it easy. Do what they CCCS ask you to do and take each day as it comes. It's not easy but it will get better. Am thinking about you.

God bless
E

Lost_and_nervous

ebayqueen wrote: »

Hi Lost

Have been away a few days and am only catching up with posts now. Don't panic .... take it easy. Do what they CCCS ask you to do and take each day as it comes. It's not easy but it will get better. Am thinking about you.

God bless
E

Hope you had a lovely few days away!! I know I must not panic, but I am a natural worrier! Thank you for thikning about me xxx Hope you are ok! xx

Lost_and_nervous

- Online banking - CHECK
- Sanity - CHECK
- Motivation - still trying to check
- Diet - still trying to check!!

I am really trying to be a happier more motivated person I really am! But its so hard! it really is. I was doing so well, well thats what it felt like. Now I am just so unmotivated! What shall I do, stop talking about doing things and just do them! I want to do everything so badly so what am I waiting for??? Time to make a difference!

Still not heard from CCCS so I am going to email them to check everything is ok. My handbag is a mess so will go through that at some point today. I sit here and look around and its just so chaotic. I dont like it!!!!

I want and need to succeed!!! I need to stop talking and put it all into action!

Does anyone know about antibacterial washing up liquid? Its very expensive but I always freak out thinking that I need to use it but I could save quiet a bit of money there, is it neccessary?

Also I spend huge amounts on toilet paper and I get value, how can I also reduce that?

These are just some of things I am concious of on the food shop!!!

xxxx

Lost_and_nervous

My relationship is based on what??? He gets in a mood if I dont do what he wants, I am unable to talk to him about things, even general things, he tells me how I feel, its been so much better but last couple of days he have been awful. And its got me down. I feel lonely within my own relationship, thats not right is it? On the other hand its making me feel determined to succeed. All relationships have problems, I shouldnt be a victim! I need to be a person who is strong! Who isnt drawn down by others, this diary has improved me as a person, as a mother and a partner!

Why shouldnt I be strong? Why shouldnt I be determined? Why shouldnt I achieve? There are no reasons why I shouldnt! Its just I have let things make it so I shouldnt! Thats the reason! Being told Im not like I used to be, being told I am lazy, no good, miserable, unorganised, scruffy, its going to make you like that! Why do we confidence boost our children, tell them when they are well behaved, do well at things, that we love them, that they are amazing and make our lives so full! We praise children to build them! So why shouldnt we receive that same response from our loved ones!

As a child I was told that I wasnt like my friends, that I was naughty, that I was horrible, all things that made me rebel as a teenager, but looking back my mum wasnt in the best of relationships!

So should I let words get me down?? No I shouldnt! Should I let the debts control me as a person? No I shouldnt! They control my life but thats the situation I have got myself into! They shouldnt control me as a person!

I continuously let myself get down, get depressed! Go back into my lost hole! But I have had enough, truly had enough! I am sick and tired of it! I am a mum, I am partner, and I am ME! So why shouldnt I be me just to please others?

I have woken up in a completely different mood today, I have had enough! I want to achieve, I want to do something about it! People arent going to determine my life, determine who I am, I am going to try so hard to stay strong and not get beaten down by words!!!!

xxxx

girlatplay

Wow! Strong post Lost, that is what I like to see

You are an adult, an equal to all other adults. You deserve to be treated as so. Having the determination to succeed is very important. You are right about praising our children to build them. It is wrong that you were made to think you were a bad child. Hopefully you can see things clearer now and use your knowledge to better yourself.

Love n hugs

xx

ebayqueen_2

Wow indeed Girlatplay:)

Thats fighting talk Lost

You can do it.

What are your plans for weekend

Lost_and_nervous

girlatplay wrote: »

Wow! Strong post Lost, that is what I like to see

You are an adult, an equal to all other adults. You deserve to be treated as so. Having the determination to succeed is very important. You are right about praising our children to build them. It is wrong that you were made to think you were a bad child. Hopefully you can see things clearer now and use your knowledge to better yourself.

Love n hugs

xx

I have just re read what I wrote and it is a strong post, I was in a deep mood yesterday.

And you are right! We should all be treated like equals. Its ok, I now know that it wasnt right and that i can treat my daughter the right way!

Love and hugs to you too xxx

Lost_and_nervous

ebayqueen wrote: »

Wow indeed Girlatplay:)

Thats fighting talk Lost

You can do it.

What are your plans for weekend

Thank you xxxx

Well I have a table booked at a jumble sale tomorrow in a local hall, I thought it would be good to take some bits to sell as well as taking leaflets for my beauty. But the only problem is I am really nervous and contemplating going. Its for 4 hrs but I am so nervous. Extremely nervous.

xxx

Lost_and_nervous

I am trying!!! I am nervous but I am trying! As I have said I am booked to do a jumble sale tomorrow. I am so nervous about it. I just dont know what to do I really dont, I probably wont do very well but I want to go but I am nervous about going.

OH apologised which I thought was very nice. Wont last.

And my DMP is set up!!!!! To start on the 1st November!!! I am so excited, I am still being hassled by the creditors but hey there is not alot I can do, they will just have to keep hassling. I sent letters to inform them. I am waiting for a letter to come now from CCCS with all the information. I do hope it comes today.

Well its 9 oclock and I need to crack on in the house, I am going to have a doing day today and try to pluck up the courage to go to the jumble sale. xxx

And I need to go and have a look at making shopping cheaper! OH gives me an allowance so if I can save pennies there I can save more on my bank account when it comes to additional shopping!