Nearly 30, in debt, lost and nervous! I need to change.

Lost_and_nervous

Eager_Elephant wrote: »

Hi Lost

I have been subscribed for a while - not sure how I came across your diary.

I just wanted to let you know you are not alone with a OH who thinks bills have to be shared equally. I used to have an income of about £800pm (wages, CB and CSA) and DH had an income of at least £1200 sometimes more depending on expenses but he always said that the bills should be split 50/50 - of course I disagreed at the time but it only caused arguments so I left it and I pay 50/50 still.

However I have more opportunity to earn extra money so that is what I have been doing and now my income is nearly the same as DH's.

We both have debt and we each know that the other has debt however I am paying mine off slowly but surely and DH was racking his up - he added £10,000 in one year - but at least he can't blame it on me making him pay more to household bills. (I say was as since he took ill in January I have been helping him with his finances and I have done a budget spreadsheet for him which he can update each day or week!!)

Given all the above I still think you need to split the bills more evenly based on actual income.

As other people have said take things slowly and try not to get too overwhelmed. I think it is a good idea to try ebay to get rid of some clutter - make sure you use the royal mail website to work out postage correctly - there is nothing worse than undercharging and being out of pocket.

EE

Thank you for subscribing, I have so many wonderful people along my journey. I cant believe that your OH is the same as mine with regards to the bills, why do they have to be like it? Thats great you have more opportunity to earn more money, well done, youve done so well and even with OH off ill. Its brilliant you work as a partnership.

Thank you, I just want it all to happen over night. xxx

Lost_and_nervous

ebayqueen wrote: »

Hi Lost

Lots of good advice for you there. I know how you feel I have been there. I hid mine for a long time and found the strain immense. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Try not to let it overwhelm you and take strength from the hugs of your DD. This will get you through. Its good to get out and fill your lungs with good fresh air. This will reduce your anxiety. Take care of yourself. Have you checked out the recipes on this site. Its amazing what you can create from very little. Also its amazing what will sell on ebay.

What I am doing at the moment is listing 5 items a day. That keeps me in control and not being overwhelmed with 30 finishing on the one day.

Good luck with the Avon. Remember we are here for you to get you through this.

God bles
E:A

Thank you so much for your kind words, I am so lucky to have my MSE friends, your are all so kind. I need to check out the whole site in great detail! Its just hard when OH is about.

Thats a really good idea, I may try and do that. Thank you so much. xxx

Lost_and_nervous

I havent been able to get on for a few days, OH has been about lots and I have been at work. My head is full of things I want and need to do and I have started! I do little things when I can. I have been also talking to myself (yes I am crazy) telling myself that clutter is not good and that I dont need it. Its working. I need to get out of the keeping things just in case. So thats what I am doing.

Avon arrived today, need to bag up and then go deliver and get the money then I can work out how much ive earnt.

I have had a result at work, there is overtime!!! :j:j And I am going to do it! :j:j OH knows but I am not going to tell him all that I will get unless he asks so I can start chipping away at the debts! :j:j:j

I went shopping with OH the other day, he paid for the whole shop and bought a couple of outfits for DD as she needed them, but I found myself thanking him - thanking him you know! What is wrong with me?

Still working on the budget! xxx

girlatplay

Great to "see" you Lost

Doing little things when you can - perfect!

Talking to yourself - I thought that was normal

Good that the Avon has arrived. Keep going with that. Remember you will build up a clientele, it just takes hard work and determination :cool:

What OH doesn't know won't hurt him As long as you are as honest as possible if he does ask then you will have nothing to hide and you won't have to worry about him finding out stuff.

Great that OH paid for the whole shop :T You are only really thanking him because your self esteem is low. Don't beat yourself up about it.

I vacuumed today for the first time in about a fortnight I am so pleased with it though :j

Take care.

Gap xx

ebayqueen_2

Morning Lost

I agree with exactly everything that girlatplay says....your self esteem is very low ... I have been there. :A

Plus I thought it was normal to talk to yourself too

Keep going...chip away a £1 at a time and you will do it.

We are here for you and keep reading all the debtfree diaries they will really inspire you. Have you thought of joining the thread
PAD
payment a day...even if its only pennies it gives you focus.

Delighted that you have got some overtime....you are getting there.

Let us know how Avon went for you.

God bless
E

girlatplay

Good ideas from ebayqueen

Oh yes, read other debt free diaries, very inspirational!

I joined the PAD thread at the end of April. I have already put away over £100 :T I haven't even noticed it, just a couple of pounds here and there. Pennies do add up too . It would be worth a look.

What about sealed pot challenge? Get a pot and just put bits of change in it every now and then. The pots get opened on 1st December each year and you count up what you have saved and post your total. I save mine for the festivities (presents, food, drinks, cards, wrapping, etc) and I think most others do too but some people save for other things. I just put small change in (anything under £1) and any money I find in the street/ on shop floors / down the back of the sofa / in Mr Gap's trousers when they go in the wash, I think you get the idea It is never to late to join the challenge.

Speak soon xx

Lost_and_nervous

girlatplay wrote: »

Great to "see" you Lost

Doing little things when you can - perfect!

Talking to yourself - I thought that was normal

Good that the Avon has arrived. Keep going with that. Remember you will build up a clientele, it just takes hard work and determination :cool:

What OH doesn't know won't hurt him As long as you are as honest as possible if he does ask then you will have nothing to hide and you won't have to worry about him finding out stuff.

Great that OH paid for the whole shop :T You are only really thanking him because your self esteem is low. Don't beat yourself up about it.

I vacuumed today for the first time in about a fortnight I am so pleased with it though :j

Take care.

Gap xx

Thank you for your kind words, the thanking is it really cause my self esteem is low? I beat myself up about everything!

Thats really good, well done!! xxx

Lost_and_nervous

ebayqueen wrote: »

Morning Lost

I agree with exactly everything that girlatplay says....your self esteem is very low ... I have been there. :A

Plus I thought it was normal to talk to yourself too

Keep going...chip away a £1 at a time and you will do it.

We are here for you and keep reading all the debtfree diaries they will really inspire you. Have you thought of joining the thread
PAD
payment a day...even if its only pennies it gives you focus.

Delighted that you have got some overtime....you are getting there.

Let us know how Avon went for you.

God bless
E

Sorry to hear your self esteem has been low too, how did you overcome it if you dont mind me asking?

Glad I am not the only one who talks to myself!

I havent thought of joining any threads to be honest, I didnt want to commit to something everyday as I do find it hard to get on here if OH is about.

Thank you.

Will let you all know.

Thank you for taking the time to be with me through this xxx

Lost_and_nervous

girlatplay wrote: »

Good ideas from ebayqueen

Oh yes, read other debt free diaries, very inspirational!

I joined the PAD thread at the end of April. I have already put away over £100 :T I haven't even noticed it, just a couple of pounds here and there. Pennies do add up too . It would be worth a look.

What about sealed pot challenge? Get a pot and just put bits of change in it every now and then. The pots get opened on 1st December each year and you count up what you have saved and post your total. I save mine for the festivities (presents, food, drinks, cards, wrapping, etc) and I think most others do too but some people save for other things. I just put small change in (anything under £1) and any money I find in the street/ on shop floors / down the back of the sofa / in Mr Gap's trousers when they go in the wash, I think you get the idea It is never to late to join the challenge.

Speak soon xx

Well done on PAD - that is brilliant! I think I may look into doing it but could I updte say once a week?

That sounds good the sealed pot challenge too! Love it - Mr Gap's trousers! I will think about it!

Thank you as always for your help! xxx

girlatplay

The thread is called Payment a Day but you only really need to PAD as and when you can. I try to do it every day because I am quite addicted to it now but I don't think they would throw you off if you did it once a week or so

Yes, I think you are saying the thank you's because your self-esteem is so low. Not an easy one to deal with. Think positive thoughts as much as possible. Exercise is supposed to be good for bringing out the endorphins which make you happy. Do things that you enjoy. Do things that make you happy. Don't always listen to the people who put you down, try to start letting it roll off your back. OH is as much responsible for DD as you are. Let him buy her stuff. Say things like "that is lovely" or "that's great that you got her that" instead of bowing your head in gratefulness (I know that you are grateful but I don't suppose OH thanks you when you buy DD stuff )

Laughter is a reallly good thing. As DD gets older you will find yourself laughing more and more at her wee antics.:rotfl:

Try to do one thing every day that makes you happy. Make a point of it. Turn as many negatives into positives as you can.

Take care

Gap x