Nearly 30, in debt, lost and nervous! I need to change.

girlatplay

Hi Lost.

Well done on starting the PAD. Every penny counts. Remember, all our debts are made up of lots (and lots and lots!!) of pennies. I put all mine in a tin and pay it off my loan at the end of the month too

You don't need to thank me for posting. I do it because I want to. I'm sure that everyone else is the same, we are here because we want to be

Well done for clocking up 5 hours o/t! Great that you slept well too. I always find a good night's sleep makes a difference.

It is good that you are working on your budget. I think it is better that all payments, bills and debts are known right away so that you can start dealing with them right away. I always open my mail as soon as I get it so I can deal with things immediately. Sometimes I don't like it but once it is dealt with I can put it behind me and move on to the next thing with a view to, one day, not having rubbish mail

I don't know if reducing your monthly loan payments would affect your credit rating. Someone else will probably know.

Get the form filled in for the Ombudsman as soon as possible and get it away to them. The sooner you do that, the quicker it will be dealt with and the sooner it will be one less thing for you to do! I was lucky with mine, the bank admitted fault in their second letter to me (the first said they were looking into it) and I got my money back really quickly. Deal with it right away

I'm sorry OH isn't being supportive (again :mad:) Do one thing each day. Just little jobs. It really does come together when you do it like that. Remember mummy2girls said do one wash load a day? Keep doing that too. I'm a lazy person but I really have found that doing a little thing makes me feel better and makes things seem not quite as overwhelming. My problem is that when I have done stuff and I start to feel better I take a couple of days off (from housework) then it goes back to how it was :eek:

*note to self - practice what you preach!!!*

Anyway, good to "see" you.

Take care

Gap x
:cool:

Slowdown

originally posted by Lost and Nervous
OH has been treating me wonderfully - ok no he hasnt! I am lazy, I dont do enough, how can he do more stuff than me in little time. The usual! But then doesnt want me to do things when he is in as thats time to spend together. I cant win, I really cant.


No you can't win! So why try to?

Generally speaking people who try to put others down, instead of lift them up to help them accomplish as much as they can, usually suffer from low self esteem themselves. They don't know how to make themselves feel better except on the back of other people's misery. Constantly belittling and criticising leaves them with a (false) sense of their own importance and gives them the idea they are better then you. They see the world as a threatening place and constantly need to fight back.

So the best way to stop it from hurting you is to ask yourself (or them perhaps) what is going on in their head that makes them behave like this? You will often find that the answer makes you feel more sorry for them than angry with them.

One man cannot hold another man down in the ditch without remaining down in the ditch with him. ~Booker T. Washington

Keep believing

ebayqueen_2

Morning lost

You sound very positive and organised. Keep going.

I would have a chat with other half and tell him how he is making you feel. Do you think he is under severe pressure at work. Don't beat yourself up remember you know you are a unique one of a kind lovely lady and you will sort this lot out.

I'm sorry I can't give you any advice about contacting companies re payment reduction but I am sure there are others on here who can. Search the forum and see if anything comes up.

I'm delighted that you are finding this site and us lot a help to you.

May God bless you and give you the strength to cope with all life throws at you.

E

Lost_and_nervous

I am so fed up, i am such a failure and really struggle to keep on top of things let along actually do things i am meant to, I am definately being punished for being so stupid with things. I am so so fed up with myself, I dont achieve I never keep to anything and I am so pathetic.

kdenty

Hey don't feel like that. Your still here posting so I know you haven't given up. No one is stupid or a failure or anything like you have just said. Please don't feel bad. Your trying to do your best and that's all anyone can do.

My OH is being fairly unsupportive right now and I've just read what Slowdown put and it really all makes sense. Go back and read that as I can't put it any better myself.

ebayqueen_2

Lost_and_nervous wrote: »

I am so fed up, i am such a failure and really struggle to keep on top of things let along actually do things i am meant to, I am definately being punished for being so stupid with things. I am so so fed up with myself, I dont achieve I never keep to anything and I am so pathetic.

You are feeling down Lost. Keep remembering you are keeping all this debt to yourself so it puts major strain on you. You are not being punished. You are feeling guilty and this is what makes you feel this way. You have to forgive yourself and try and change the situation. You will achieve....we will make sure of it:j

Have you been in contact with your creditors?

Get a notebook .... small enough to fit in your handbag. Start each day/few days/week with your total debt and try and PAD regularly. Use half the book for your daily weekly spend too. Once you start writing things down and talking to yourself about it (:o:p thats me) it will be easier for you to handle.

Think about it this way....if you do nothing .... nothing will change and you will continue to feel this way.

Do a little bit at a time and things will change .... slowly but surely....and so will you.

Your self esteem will rise and you will be able to cope with things better.

How are you feeling today.

:A:wave:

kdenty

I know when I first worked out how much debt I was in it was a frightening lonely worrying time. But as ebayqueen says little steps and you will start to get somewhere and feel much more positive.
I know I have a long way to go with my own debt but I feel so much more positive and know I'm getting somewhere. It takes time for it to all fall into place.

girlatplay

Lost, what ebayqueen says is right. If you do nothing, nothing will change. Do a little bit at a time and things will change I know you already have a note pad so get filling it!

You are not at all a failure or pathetic. I know why you feel like that but you have to force those thoughts out of your head. Don't let other people control your mind. DD is just little and it is hard being a mum, even harder when you have to do it with very little support. You want life to be good for DD's sake but you feel like everything you do is wrong. You are going to have to be strong and ignore the unkind, unhelpful things others say to you in real life.

Please do one tiny thing each day and write it in your note pad. If you feel like it you could post what you have done on here. If not, just keep it for yourself to remind yourself of the things you have done. Even if it is just vaccuming the lounge floor, taking the rubbish out or wiping down the kitchen surfaces, just one little, tiny thing each day

Gap xx

Lost_and_nervous

girlatplay wrote: »

Hi Lost.

Well done on starting the PAD. Every penny counts. Remember, all our debts are made up of lots (and lots and lots!!) of pennies. I put all mine in a tin and pay it off my loan at the end of the month too

You don't need to thank me for posting. I do it because I want to. I'm sure that everyone else is the same, we are here because we want to be

Well done for clocking up 5 hours o/t! Great that you slept well too. I always find a good night's sleep makes a difference.

It is good that you are working on your budget. I think it is better that all payments, bills and debts are known right away so that you can start dealing with them right away. I always open my mail as soon as I get it so I can deal with things immediately. Sometimes I don't like it but once it is dealt with I can put it behind me and move on to the next thing with a view to, one day, not having rubbish mail

I don't know if reducing your monthly loan payments would affect your credit rating. Someone else will probably know.

Get the form filled in for the Ombudsman as soon as possible and get it away to them. The sooner you do that, the quicker it will be dealt with and the sooner it will be one less thing for you to do! I was lucky with mine, the bank admitted fault in their second letter to me (the first said they were looking into it) and I got my money back really quickly. Deal with it right away

I'm sorry OH isn't being supportive (again :mad:) Do one thing each day. Just little jobs. It really does come together when you do it like that. Remember mummy2girls said do one wash load a day? Keep doing that too. I'm a lazy person but I really have found that doing a little thing makes me feel better and makes things seem not quite as overwhelming. My problem is that when I have done stuff and I start to feel better I take a couple of days off (from housework) then it goes back to how it was :eek:

*note to self - practice what you preach!!!*

Anyway, good to "see" you.

Take care

Gap x
:cool:

Hi Gap,

well done on making payments towards your loan, debts are so many pennies!! I do need to thank you, I am so grateful to you all for being here for me and supporting me. You do so well with everything and have come so far. Hopefully I will be there no I will be there! xxx

Lost_and_nervous

Slowdown wrote: »

originally posted by Lost and Nervous
OH has been treating me wonderfully - ok no he hasnt! I am lazy, I dont do enough, how can he do more stuff than me in little time. The usual! But then doesnt want me to do things when he is in as thats time to spend together. I cant win, I really cant.


No you can't win! So why try to?

Generally speaking people who try to put others down, instead of lift them up to help them accomplish as much as they can, usually suffer from low self esteem themselves. They don't know how to make themselves feel better except on the back of other people's misery. Constantly belittling and criticising leaves them with a (false) sense of their own importance and gives them the idea they are better then you. They see the world as a threatening place and constantly need to fight back.

So the best way to stop it from hurting you is to ask yourself (or them perhaps) what is going on in their head that makes them behave like this? You will often find that the answer makes you feel more sorry for them than angry with them.

One man cannot hold another man down in the ditch without remaining down in the ditch with him. ~Booker T. Washington

Keep believing

Thank you so much for your wonderful post, its so kind of you to put such lovely words. You are very right though. but its working out. xxx