Partner's friend damaged my car...

Tropez

LEJC wrote: »

IF the ball were on the other foot and you had acted in the same fashion as your partners friend would she simply shut up and pay up for your error so as not to risk her friendship with your partner?...

Its for you to decide what to do to keep the peace but I cant help but think you are being very soft on this person...even if next time you see her you at least make the comment that you know that she was the one that caused the damage to your car....at least the next time you have the misfortune that she parks next to your car she will be a bit more careful of how she opens her door!

Yes, you're right. I imagine if I damaged the friend's car and kept quiet about it, were it eventually to come to light I'd get quite the rollocking, probably from both of them.

And yes, I probably am being a bit soft. When I watched the surveillance footage to find the culprit my immediate reaction might have been considered a little strong even by South Park standards, purely because I find it incomprehensible that she wouldn't have said anything about causing the damage when she was clearly aware. I'd have probably been less annoyed if she had hit the car and not inspected the damage after, because at least then there is the possibility that she is simply a clumsy oaf, and not a coward. As it is, I'm left pondering whether she acted deliberately, unaware of the camera recording her actions but a few feet away.

But I do have to take my partner's feelings into consideration, and while it would be all too easy for me to come down hard on her friend, I would at this point accept an apology - however forced that is likely to be at this time. Now that my initial rage has simmered somewhat I'm beginning to warm to the idea of allowing my partner herself to be the one to bring up the damage to my vehicle and for her to discover how it came about because I feel that her reaction may mirror my own, although once again, I don't want to be the one to end a friendship that's lasted nigh on a lifetime. I just want a certain party to admit their stupidity.

Incapuppy wrote: »

She's done it, she knows she's done it - the bit that I don't understand is why she didn't rush into your house saying something along the lines of 'OMG, I'm so sorry but I've just accidentally bashed your partner's car' or at the very least 'I think I may have bashed it, can we go check please?'

Sneaky bint. I'd be questioning the value of your OH's friendship to her if she is prepared to behave in such a manner.

That's what I have trouble understanding too. I damaged a friend's car once, purely by accident, and was offering to pay for the damage immediately. I don't understand why anyone would behave differently, least of all when they're dealing with friends and acquaintances.

LEJC

I dont think you need to "come down hard" on the friend if you dont want to...but you do need to let her know that you know she was the person who damaged your car...even if it it just a case of making reference to your CCTV package that covers the car and driveway when she next visits....
You may not ever get her to admit it was her actions that caused the damage ...but like I said earlier once she knows you know then she'll be a lot more respectful of how she parks in the future.

soupdragon10

TBH I would worry about a friendship what allows a 'friend' to lie in your own home albeit a lie of omission. They may be lifelong friends, but this person has demonstrated that she cannont be trusted in a small way, so how trustworthy is she in other areas of life? and how good a friend is she really?

mackemdave

Are you sure this so called friend didnt tell your partner,maybe they are covering for each other.....

Redman30

Just show your partner the recording. No pre-amble, no warning or set up, no judgement prior to it, then they can make their own mind up & you haven't influenced anything, or caused a potential argument. Just an "I want to show you something" comment will do nicely.

And then watch them phone their friend, hopefully.

Tropez

mackemdave wrote: »

Are you sure this so called friend didnt tell your partner,maybe they are covering for each other.....

She definitely didn't mention it last night. I was in the room the whole time they were nattering watching a recording of the Liverpool/Man City game.

My partner's an honest woman. If she chips a cup she tells me about it. I don't doubt for a second she would have told me about this, least of all because she would know that I'd be able to view the CCTV footage anyway.

barbiedoll

Gosh, you are an even-tempered person, if my husband found out that one of my friends had damaged his car and hadn't had the decency to own up to it, he would be livid.....and rightly so!

I know that you don't want to upset your partner or damage her friendships but you need to tell her about this and ask that she speaks to her friend about it. Or if she doesn't want to, then tell her that you will instead. You can state that you don't want or expect the money for the damage (although it would be nice if she at least offered to foot the bill) but that you would like an apology. I don't think that is too much to ask.
The friend sounds like a right sneaky cow, I can't believe that she didn't mention it at all, you can see how much the "years of friendship" matter to her!

Tropez

barbiedoll wrote: »

Gosh, you are an even-tempered person, if my husband found out that one of my friends had damaged his car and hadn't had the decency to own up to it, he would be livid.....and rightly so!

I know that you don't want to upset your partner or damage her friendships but you need to tell her about this and ask that she speaks to her friend about it. Or if she doesn't want to, then tell her that you will instead. You can state that you don't want or expect the money for the damage (although it would be nice if she at least offered to foot the bill) but that you would like an apology. I don't think that is too much to ask.
The friend sounds like a right sneaky cow, I can't believe that she didn't mention it at all, you can see how much the "years of friendship" matter to her!

I'm not that even-tempered. I'm actually fairly annoyed about the whole thing - but I like to pick my battles

I'm just going to hope that my partner notices the damage to my car when she gets in tonight and that will allow me to direct her attention to the CCTV. If she doesn't, then I'll just have to bring it up when she's settled back from work. I don't want to jump on her with it the moment that she comes through the door but I definitely feel now she needs to know.

brians_daughter

op, how did you get on? Hope your oh was as shocked as you were

Tropez

brians_daughter wrote: »

op, how did you get on? Hope your oh was as shocked as you were

As I hoped my partner noticed the damage to my car on her way in after getting back from work so she brought it up and I was able to just tell her that I'd checked the CCTV footage and she could have a look if she liked.

I felt pretty bad about it all. She was clearly upset and apologetic and she did understand that I wasn't annoyed about the damage but the fact that the friend hadn't even mentioned it. My partner was going to call her friend last night but I talked her out of it as I would rather she did it in a calmer state of mind.

Based on a few things my partner told me last night, it would seem this friend has a history of not owning up to their mistakes. I won't hold my breath but maybe she'll finally learn given that she's now upset her closest friend?