Partner is pregnant - HELP!

jennypdolphin

Wickedkitten wrote: »

Yup, I had my son almost 13 years ago and they asked me if I wanted the depo shot before I had even left the hospital because the idea that you can't get pregnant whilst breastfeeding is bunk.

My doctor refused to prescribe me contraception because as I was breastfeeding it would be "impossible" for me to fall pregnant. :mad:

We now buy condoms instead (I was awful at remembering to take the pill anyway!)

Torry_Quine

jennypdolphin wrote: »

My doctor refused to prescribe me contraception because as I was breastfeeding it would be "impossible" for me to fall pregnant. :mad:

We now buy condoms instead (I was awful at remembering to take the pill anyway!)

That's awful, such ignorance in a GP is shocking.

January20

ViolaLass wrote: »

On the other hand, I think things just happen and it's up to us how we cope/deal with them i.e. I don't think the OP is predestined to keep this baby or abort it or put it up for adoption.

Well you can torment yourself with wondering why things happened and/or why they happened to you or you can just have my attitude, think about the situation without wasting energy or unecessary "whys" and just deal with it!

It's just my way to cope with things. And having been a working single parent for nearly 11 years I've needed a strategy to cope.

ViolaLass

January20 wrote: »

Well you can torment yourself with wondering why things happened and/or why they happened to you or you can just have my attitude, think about the situation without wasting energy or unecessary "whys" and just deal with it!

Saying that I don't think things happen 'for a reason' doesn't mean I torment myself wondering why something has happened. I just accept that it has happened as quickly as I can and work out what I'm going to do about it.

Derivative

ViolaLass wrote: »

Saying that I don't think things happen 'for a reason' doesn't mean I torment myself wondering why something has happened. I just accept that it has happened as quickly as I can and work out what I'm going to do about it.

Indeed.

People seem to have this strange attachment to pregnancy.

If for arguments' sake I fell pregnant today (I'm male, doesn't work that way) then I'd get an abortion straight away. I don't have the time or money to support a child. I've discussed this with my partner and she feels the same. I'd feel the same attachment to the unborn 'child' as I do to the contents of a condom.

I'd see it as as cut and dry as breaking your leg and deciding to 'put up with it' because it's 'destined by God' or some nonsense.

I'd hate to start a an argument, but it's just my viewpoint. There is no sense in letting an accidental conception ruin your plans in life.

I'd like to state I'm not trying to push the OP into doing something they'd regret, especially with your partner's view on terminations. Simply batting for the other team, as it were.

ceridwen

jennypdolphin wrote: »

My doctor refused to prescribe me contraception because as I was breastfeeding it would be "impossible" for me to fall pregnant. :mad:

We now buy condoms instead (I was awful at remembering to take the pill anyway!)

Have you reported that doctor to the G.M.C.? It is appalling for a doctor to be either so ignorant of the most basic medical facts on the one hand or lying in order to push some "personal agenda" of theirs on the other hand. Either way - he/she isnt fit to be a doctor if they are telling people "breastfeeding acts as a contraceptive".

Have you checked if this doctor has told other people the same thing?

I was certainly surprised to see that you are referring to "my doctor" - rather than "my PREVIOUS doctor" - as my very first action in your circumstances would have been to sack him/her (ie change doctors). I've sacked a doctor for a lot lower level of ignorance than that...:)

ceridwen

EdgEy wrote: »

Indeed.

People seem to have this strange attachment to pregnancy.

If for arguments' sake I fell pregnant today (I'm male, doesn't work that way) then I'd get an abortion straight away. I don't have the time or money to support a child. I've discussed this with my partner and she feels the same. I'd feel the same attachment to the unborn 'child' as I do to the contents of a condom.

I'd see it as as cut and dry as breaking your leg and deciding to 'put up with it' because it's 'destined by God' or some nonsense.

I'd hate to start a an argument, but it's just my viewpoint. There is no sense in letting an accidental conception ruin your plans in life.

I'd like to state I'm not trying to push the OP into doing something they'd regret, especially with your partner's view on terminations. Simply batting for the other team, as it were.

Agreed.:T

I've often wondered whether comments like "it must have been meant to be, "things happen for a reason" come from a "lapsed Catholic position". I dont know - because it is a very different way of thinking to my own.

To me - people are supposed to be "in charge of their lives". Now we all know that sometimes things happen that are outwith our control (like losing a job, like not earning enough to buy a decent home, etc) and these things are neither our choice, nor our fault. But I DO think that on those aspects of life that we ARE fully in control of - then it makes sense to Take Control.

To me - I've often thought "Thank goodness I'm in total control as to whether to be pregnant or no. I've decided not to be - and I won't be and if anything gets past that - then it will be dealt with and the pregnancy will stop at that point." I HATE HATE HATE with a passion that I dont have much control over what income I earn and have limited control over my health - but pregnancy (or not!) is one thing that I have often breathed a sigh of relief about - knowing that I am in 101% control of that:D. At least Fate leaves one of the most important decisions of all in OUR hands:D

MoneySavingMamma

I, like the OP had no1, then said no more children until i/we are ready, financially/emotionally/just having the time etc.
The years rolled on, and there was always something in the way, finally when no1 was 5 we decided to try again, we did, I fell pregnant in Jan, in March I had a miscarriage. It was the most devistating time of my life & I have been through a few traumas! Now I want to try again, but I'm scared to.

I realise now how much I wanted that baby, & now I've got to wait to try again, then what if it ends the same? What if it takes a year+ to conceive? The planned out age gap is now longer & longer, and it could possibly never happen.

If I'd had got pregnant sonn after no1, I would probably have strongly considered abortion, but now looking back it wouldn't have been so bad, and now I'd have two of my beautiful children cuddling me in bed on their school hoildays, not just one and the big gap in my life I feel now.

If you never want anymore children, then yes, abortion is an option. But if you are just planning your life out to be 'perfect' or just more managable, its not really the right way to consider things. Life throws problems at you everyday, you can't abort them.

Also abortion carries risks, what if think affects your partners fertility? when you do try & can't, where will the perfect life plan be then?

Wish you the best of luck with your future

patchwork_cat

To quote John Lennon - 'Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans'.

There does seem to be a lot of people on this thread who are anti abortion, I wonder how many of those with definite opinions have had an abortion. I would say that the emotional aspect should not be ignored.

As for planned age gaps, well again I refer you to John Lennon's quote!

What is the ideal age gap - goodness only knows.

I wanted a 3 year gap, but my Mum died right when we should have been conceiving for the desired gap. I have a 41/2 year gap between my 2 and it has it's problems as does friends who have 18 months, 2, 21/2 etc. you get my drift.

There are pros and cons to every gap. Short gap - closer in age, so more likely to have similar needs etc, mum has less time out of work, things can be passed straight down ( notice I don't say they will be friends!) cons more stressful, 2 in nappies etc You could go on and you should look further into the future, for example a 2 year age gap you would have 1 taking A levels whilst the other does GCSE's, I wouldn't want to live in that house that summer!!

pigpen

patchwork_cat wrote: »

There are pros and cons to every gap. Short gap - closer in age, so more likely to have similar needs etc, mum has less time out of work, things can be passed straight down ( notice I don't say they will be friends!) cons more stressful, 2 in nappies etc You could go on and you should look further into the future, for example a 2 year age gap you would have 1 taking A levels whilst the other does GCSE's, I wouldn't want to live in that house that summer!!

This year I have 2 doing A-levels and 2 doing GCSE's.. they stagger the exams over the 2 years here .. it is ok.. they are all fairly quiet and get on and revise.. we don't do stress it is not productive.

My 10 y/o still wears nappies for bed so you can have a 9.5 year gap and still end up with 2 in nappies!