Partner is pregnant - HELP!

dean_wales

OMG What on earth am I going to do!

We have a 9 month old daughter and have been adamant that the next child would be planned and not for several years at least.

Immeadiately after birth my partner had the copper coil IUD fitted so that we wouldnt end up in this mess. She is also still breastfeeding regularily and we have had virtually no sex due to being exhasted from moving house and looking after our little one.

She has been feeling sick and took a test - its positive! What the hell - we tried so hard to not get into this situation!

We are in serious financial difficulties anyway with me as the only earner and on £18k!

HOW DID THIS HAPPEN AND HELP!!?!!

Dean.

PS Yes we are going to the docs today to get it checked out properly regarding the coil etc.

quantumleap

First of all Dean, take a depp breath and calm down!

My wife and I had our second child a few years ago and that was supposed to be us finished - 4 months later she was pregnant again - we now have three kids, a boy aged 6 and girls aged 4 and 3.

If it is confirmed, it'll be a shock - I understand that completely. However give yourselves some time to let things sink in, don't make any rash knee jerk decisions. I appreciate it seems to much at the moment but it can and will work out. You will find a way to deal with this new dynamic and in a few years time you won't be able to imagine your life any other way.

Unfortunately life throws these curveballs at us and we either have to deal with them in a positive way or go under. So don't panic, stay calm and work out how to move forward - things will work out.

sueeve

It will work out if you want it to.
New babies don't cost a lot, and your wife will have a longer than expected maternity leave. 2 together like this may actually mean that 'it's done' as far as babies are concerned.
Congratulations if that's what you want, encouragement etc, but in the end be advised and supported by the professionals. That's what they are there for.

poppy_f1

least all the stuff you bought for the first baby will come in handy more quicker than you expected - and you will have bought the majority of what you would need anyway

unfortunately these things happen and im sure as a family you will cope

peachyprice

The exact same thing happened to me with a copper coil when my DD was 6 months, I feel your pain, and panic, I really do.

patchwork_cat

Don't forget your tax credit will increase, nearly double and you will get child benefit. Go on entitled to website and put in the new figures, I think you will find it is not as bad as you fear,

pigpen

It happened the usual way..

I got pregnant 3 months ago when my baby was just 5 months old.. and following a section which isn't advised either.. and this is number 10.. do you want to swap? I am also breastfeeding the baby.

Breastfeeding can suppress the hormone which instigates ovulation in a child under 6 months providing the baby is being breastfed more often than every 6 hours day and night.. after 6 months the effect is dramatically reduced.

It is however fine for her to continue breastfeeding while pregnant, and even feed both children once the new one arrives.

You will have most of the stuff you need already so there is an expense saved.. it'll probably just mean a double pushchair for a while and 2 in nappies for a bit.. that isn't a huge expense like the first one where you have to buy everything in about 6 months.

I think you need to calm down (it took me 3 weeks to be calm and 7 weeks to tell OH we were expecting again so soon) and look at this logically.

it is a bit sooner than you wanted.. oh well..
You have most stuff so will save there...
and if you decided you only wanted 2 children your family is complete in 18 months and you can look forward to life raising them and in 18 years time they'll be grown.. better than starting again in 5 years and having this level of responsibility for 23 years..
2 still fits in an ordinary size car and on a normal 'family ticket'
Holidays ete are usually 2 adults/2 children so not much of an issue there.

It isn't all bad.. there are worse things to bring into the world than a baby! (or 2 )

And.. the coil is quite unreliable anyway compared to other form of contraception.. they are known to disappear.. my friend woke up to hers laid next to her in bed only last week.. it happens and often without being noticed. Maybe after this one you should discuss together what is a better option.. something like the implant or injection which cannot be lost and have very good rates of protection.

Congratulations.. in anticipation of you realising this isn't her fault, she didn't want this either and she is really upset you are making her feel crappy about it happening... give her a hug and tell her you'll manage whatever outcome you BOTH decide on.. and the worst thing you can say is.. 'I'm happy to do whatever you want' or 'what does it matter what I want?'.. I could happily have slapped OH for both of those responses!

Mankysteve

Both my Gf and her older bother where both conceived while the coil was fitted. So there not the most reliable but i would presume if you OH is breast feeding then she can't use any hormone forms of contraception.

sjc3

pigpen wrote: »

And.. the coil is quite unreliable anyway compared to other form of contraception.. they are known to disappear.. my friend woke up to hers laid next to her in bed only last week.. it happens and often without being noticed.

:eek:

Oh my life. Think an urgent chat with my doc is required.

jcr16

oh hun deep breaths. you sound very much in shock. don't panic ,but i can understand the worry.

your little one is 9 months, so just keep everything you have and you won't need to buy anything more. maybe your need a double buggy, and different clothes if the sex is different. but as said before it doesn't have to cost the earth.

somehow i don't know how but it does just work. doesn't mean it is always easy, but you do work it out.

pigpen

sjc3 wrote: »

:eek:

Oh my life. Think an urgent chat with my doc is required.

that is why they recommend you check they are there regularly! They often escape with menstrual blood as the cervix is slightly opened and they are small so easy to miss.