Men!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Swan_2

my Ex used to regularly come home from work & demand to know what the 'flip' I'd been doing all day :mad:

a few months after we separated & he'd been running the by house himself he offered me his most humble apologies

wouldn't want to see everyone have to go my route to get a change of attitude though

tanith

I have recently taken early retirement (ill-health) and although my OH has always done his fair share of chores and cooking (whoever got in first cooked) while I was working I can't help feel put upon now I am retired and he has literally 'retired' from housework... I now do everything in the house and garden which I have to do a little and rest because of my O/A I know I am home all the time but does that really mean I should do all the chores?
I feel awkward asking for help as he works quite long hours.... and of course I sit and watch daytime all day long , NOT!!!!

I guess I am being unfair really but it just feels unjust:rotfl:

victory

My son is the laziest person you could meet and my H is just plain unaware that things need doing(he will do them if asked but why have to ask?!!) so I did a supernanny chart for them-
There are 4 of us (6 yr old also) so I got some plastic large placemats from poundland(they had a picture on the front so just turn it the other way)
I drew 4 lines down and listed all the jobs needed doing- empty the dishwasher, load it, put clothes in washing machine, hoover etc etc
now each person can see under their name what it is they need to do, some are obviously very simple for the 6yr old but it makes him feel included and I feel better as I do not feel put upon anymore.
They do it and if they don't the next day they get 2 jobs so even now my son the laziest ever kid does it as he doesn't want to do 2 jobs tomorrow!! xxx

tweegirl

My new partner's pretty good - he likes cooking so he'll do more than his fair share, not averse to a bit of cleaning up (if I leave it long enough!!!), but oh boy does he think he's next in line for a sainthood for doing it.

I mean, I do my share - work part-time, look after two kids, all the washing & ironing, my share of the cooking & cleaning, etc. etc., I seem to fly round like the chicken without the head but still feel as if I'm not doing enough - and I know exactly what someone else meant when they were on about the reception you get when you've had the audacity to actually go out on your own enjoying yourself!!!

melt71

alwaysonthego wrote:

When I cook a meal, it doesn't matter how much I enjoy it, he always finds faults. He thinks I am lazy

Before you start to get too emotional about this situation, why don't you sit him down and tell him how you feel. Calmly tell him what you have told us and say that it is really starting to get you down.

Ask him for more support and he might start to give it, it's very easy to feel like you have to do everything yourself - I do that all the time, then get annoyed that people take me for granted! But if you just say 'no, I can't do it, you do it' he will probably start to appreciate you more.

Just to add to the comment from tweegirl about the fact that her OH does stuff...but then thinks he's being saintly for doing it. This in my experience is SO TRUE. My OH is happy to cook (although I do it the majority of the time) he also does his fair share of cleaning but by god do I hear about it when he does it. 'i've cooked all weekend' He cooked the 2 main meals!! I still did breakfast and lunches!
Same with my ex - they always have to mention it they do anything in the house, it's like they want a medal or something. My ex husband never did ANY cleaning. When I was at home with my little girl I didn't mind so much as he was working 45 hours a week, but when I worked full time it drove me mad. I also used to flatly refuse to cook if I thought he was taking the mick - it usually ended up with him cooking beans on toast or more likely ordering a take away, but at least I got a night off - which I think I deserved when I was working the same amount of hours as him!

Talk to him and see where it gets you. I think you deserve more support at the moment especially if you are trying to better yourself with a college course.

How about asking him to pay for a cleaner twice a week

tweegirl

Of course, criticism from an adult is usually bearable (even if it is a man!!) - imagine what a great weekend I've just had with the country's champion brat (otherwise known as soon to be step-daughter - hmmmm might have to re-think that one methinks) - "yukkk, I'm not eating that - cos you cooked it" was a common refrain in our house and I just had to sit there and take it because you can't upset the little darling because it might upset the ex-wife!!! - my two kids just sat open-mouthed for most of the weekend at their new calm mummy - somebody better tell them quick it's not safe for them to do the same!!!

I can laugh about all that now (Just - if I really try!!!), but I can't forgive the little brat for the outright lie she told about my little girl just to get her into trouble - far too complicated to go into now, but if I just say I knew it was a lie straight away, but of course the "man" won't accept his little girl is capable of any such thing.

TerminallyShortOfCash

OMG!! I must have the man from Heaven!

I'm currently working 2 jobs which roughly totals 60hr/pw and he works full time at nearly 45hrs/pw. I work saturdays, so for the last three weeks he has been putting a new kitchen floor down with his dad (gorgeous tiles) but he's had everything cleaned up before I've got back, as well as doing the ironing, making sure that he puts the dirty washing in the basket and scrubbing the bathroom. I got back from a particularly hideous shift on Saturday and headed straight into the kitchen to start tea, but was shunted into the lounge (candles lit!), poured a glass of wine and the takeaway turned up about ten minutes later!! Bliss!

*runs off to count blessings...*

cookiesncream

cookiesncream wrote:

It's not just you. My hubby does exactly the same! I'm off ill permanently at the mo and he thinks that means that the house should be in tip top condition. Can't get it into his head that I'm not at home to be a housewife, I'm at home because I'm recovering!! Total brick wall. I also know what you mean about the meals, mine does exactly the same thing. Sometimes I feel like being totally selfish and cooking something I like and haven't been able to have for a while and he can lump it

So don't worry, it's not just you. We can all unite in our suffering

hmmm, I will admit that he does do the washing up but only once it's been left 24 hours and I haven't had the energy. But he does do his own ironing because he wants things like socks and pants ironed and I refuse to do that :rotfl: At what age will he become more of an old git than he already is?? :rotfl: :rotfl:

Knelley

tweegirl wrote:

Of course, criticism from an adult is usually bearable (even if it is a man!!) - imagine what a great weekend I've just had with the country's champion brat (otherwise known as soon to be step-daughter - hmmmm might have to re-think that one methinks) - "yukkk, I'm not eating that - cos you cooked it" was a common refrain in our house and I just had to sit there and take it because you can't upset the little darling because it might upset the ex-wife!!! - my two kids just sat open-mouthed for most of the weekend at their new calm mummy - somebody better tell them quick it's not safe for them to do the same!!!

I can laugh about all that now (Just - if I really try!!!), but I can't forgive the little brat for the outright lie she told about my little girl just to get her into trouble - far too complicated to go into now, but if I just say I knew it was a lie straight away, but of course the "man" won't accept his little girl is capable of any such thing.

When I had 2 step daughters they got raised the exact same way that I would've raised my 2! They were staying ion my house, they lived by my rules. Simple as that! It isn't fair that she gets treated differently from your 2. Your children will eventually come to resent her if that is the case. I would calmly explain to your soon to be hubbie that it is your house and that his daughter will be treated the same as your own children. If she doesn't like it then she doesn't come to the house. I know that sounds a bit harsh but a rod is being made here and it if she thinks she can get away with it when she is younger imagine what she will be like when a teenager!!!!

I actually got respected a lot more by my step daughters because of this and still have contact with them 11 years later even tho I am no longer with their father:)

tweegirl

Thanks Knelley - to be honest, the way I feel today I never want to see the little brat again, but as I'm supposed to be the grown-up here, I suppose I'll have to. A couple of weeks ago, she nearly came to live with us and I was rubbing my hands in glee - I couldn't wait to get hold of her (not literally!!) - I'm a stickler for good manners and thebrat never utters a please or a thank you to anyone - I would have treated her fairly just the same as my two, I'm sure she'd have been back with her mother within the week.

TBH thats just the problem she plays the mother off against the father and gets spoilt rotten by both of them - she's just managed to wangle herself 3 days off from school this week to come to France on a business trip with us - my two have to stay with their Gran and go to school as normal (due to a problem with my ex-husband not letting them leave the country). I can't wait, just me and the little cutie for most of the 3 days on our own while the OH attends to his business!!!! OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!