Men!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

achtunglady

Things came to a head with me and the OH today,we agreed that if i cooked that he would wash up and put away the dishes. The last week i kept my part of the bargain and he just left all the dishes to be washed,so i left them, to which he said to me "what the hell have you been doing all day you could have washed up the dishes". I went balistic.
I am a stay at home mum but while i'm in the kitchen the little one gets into mischief so i cant cook or spend alot of time in the kitchen in peace. Granted he works long hours, but even when he's on holiday he gets selfish saying its my holiday and i am going to do nothing. Its ok for him, I am at home 24/7 365 days a week, i don't get a holiday. He goes off to his friends at Bournemouth for the weekend and has recently been to Ireland to see a long lost friend that I took the time to trace and write to, i havent had a break for 9 years and i am slowly losing it.
I know he works long hours but all i ask for him to do is wash dishes after dinner and at the weekend to clean the smallest rooms in the house, bathroom and toilet. Hes cleaned them ONCE this year,only because we had people coming over to stay. I'm not expecting him to decorate or build a conservatory for crying out loud. I am off to see a solicitor in the morning, because what he calls "pigheaded" is irreconcilable differences. Wonder how he will feel when he gets that letter. I plan to give him full custody of the kids and i wont want a penny from him. He also spent £130 in 6 days on food and fags when he told me he gave up, so if hes lying about that what else is he lying about. We spend that a month on food. Hes so lazy to get up and make sandwiches, he expects me to do that for him as well. It gets so bad somedays that I have to choose which one of my kids to give milk to, my 2 year old or my 9 year old in his cereal, and i go without milk so they have some, which is not good as my mum has osteoporosis and I have breastfed in the past so which makes me more vulnerable to getting it. Just so unhappy and fed up.

Js_Other_Half

I have no idea how you must be feeling Achtunglady, and if you feel you need to see a solicitor then do it. I would however suggest you also chat to your GP as it sounds as if you could be (understandably) depressed.

I hope you feel better soon.

Contains_Mild_Peril

Achtunglady, you sound like you need a day off. Could you maybe send the kids to their grandparents or something for a day and just enjoy some time to yourself?
Your husband sounds like a bit of a smeghead. Do you think counselling would help, and would he be willing to go with you to family/relationship counselling? Does he even have any idea how difficult things are for you?
If he asks what you'd like for Christmas, maybe you could suggest a "Mum's day off" voucher!

achtunglady

Christmas, pffft don't make me laugh, I have never had a birthday /anniversary /christmas present from him in the 9 years of marriage, his excuse is "im always broke",yet he will borrow money to buy cigarettes.
My mum was encouraging me to learn to drive but with no money I couldnt, so she said she would pay for the lessons and OH pipped up that he would pay for getting my license and for the test. I ended up paying for them out of my child benefit, just so i could get on with it and stop wasting mums money on un-necessary driving lessons. I said to him that I would learn to drive if he stops smoking, as he kept pestering me to get driving. He said ok its a fair deal, but hes back to the same old rubbish. I got money back from bank charges and paid for his trip to Ireland and so he could get a full years road tax, and when i treated myself to a new set of pots and pans(which all of us will benefit from) he moans that there was nothing wrong with the other ones (the non stick coating was starting to peel after 8 years).

I want us to buy a house, was planning 2006 to put money aside,we need £6000, £34,000 will be given to us for giving up our tenancy with the council, and my mum will pay the legal fees, but hes saved nothing. I'm scrimping and saving and he goes and blows it on rubbish for himself, his attitude is "well im earning it i can do with it what i want".

He doesnt help my son with his homework or projects its always me ending up helping him and having the little one to look after as well to keep her amused its not easy.

His mum rang up on saturday for him to take her to milton keynes to take christmas presents for her daughter and her children, i said can we go on sunday as i havent wrapped her present up yet, and she made excuses galore saying it had to be saturday. OH said he will take the presents up on xmas eve as then he would have money to buy hers, but she said no she wants to go and see her daughter and that the disabled boys social workers will be coming to see her on xmas eve,so now that means 2 lots of petrol for something that could have been done in one trip. She looks after a disabled child and because of this theres no room in the car for us all, so i end up staying at home with the kids. He can drive 120 miles for his mum (who put him and his sister in care while she went on to have 3 other kids) yet his own wife and family he doesnt give a damn about. I have pointed this out to him and told him to say no, shes got another son by a different dad who she wishes was her only son, (OH is her first born) and he takes no bull off her, tells her hes busy or has no petrol in the car and that if she wants to go to milton keynes she has to give him £40.

Another reason we want to move so he cant be at her beck and call. Her place of work will give her an interest free loan to buy a car, as she will need one being an emergency special needs foster carer, but why should she when shes got a free taxi?

OH blames me for us sleeping in seperate beds for over 4 years (he snores) we went to the dr who refered him to a sleep specialist who told him to stop smoking and lose some weight and come back in 6 months but he never bothered with the advice and didnt go back for the follow up appointment.
He says i should get some sleeping pills!!!!
As for being intimate, the last time was when my daughter was conceived and shes 2yrs and 4 months old. And before that there was a break of three years. He says he's too tired, even when he's on holiday, I feel like the unpaid skivvy and childminder. Well if he thinks i do nothing let him get on and see exactly what i do. I have the car today,feel like driving away and not coming back

Jet

Achtung lady - your OH certainly needs a short sharp shock and you certainly deserve to be treated with respect.

Just remember though, if he doesn't change, then you either have to accept him as he is and try to be happy or move on without him.

Be careful not to try and use the kids to "teach him a lesson". Start thinking about you and what you want, but also what's best for your children. Warring parents are never good for kids whether you live together or not.

achtunglady

Thanks Jet. Its just that he thinks i do nothing, well if he does everything and i do nothing let him carry on without me. If i go, he will have to get a different job so he can take the kids to school and get a childminder,he will have to get them up and ready in the mornings, wash and iron their clothes, make them something to eat, bath them, help son with his homework, and clean the flat. We have had tiffs before and he's been apologetic and says he will try and help more but this last one he was trying to make out it is all my fault and he was very nasty about a debt i ran up- £700 on a credit card, money i spent on things for the kids and food,he said well at least i havent run up a £700 credit card bill (which i am paying off by the way) to which i replied, well is it you paying it back, no so shut up.
He took out a £3k flexi loan with the intention to pay for beds we bought after the interest free time was up,and guess what, we are paying for the beds in installments with interest, a bill that would have been £1100 if it was paid off but with interest its £2484. This flexiloan has a payment of £120 a month,plus £35 interest, so a few days after the £120 is paid he goes and takes it out again, so the loan isnt getting paid and it still stands at £3k.

When i'm trying to cut back like using flannels instead of baby wipes, hes saying stop being like a jew, just because hes so lazy to rinse them out after they have been used. As for toilet paper, he uses half a roll to put down before he goes, so we use 7 rolls in a week.

I am trying to tell him that people have what they have by sacrifice and saving, and that a few months of it will pay off in the long run, ok when we started out we made do with second hand stuff but as they broke down we replaced with new, but with what he spends out with his laziness is just killing us. I am down to eating one meal a day just so there is enough for everyone else.

I cant talk to my mum about this because she worries, just at the end of my tether now.

We have no life insurance so if either of us dies we wouldnt be able to afford the funeral costs, I know its a morbid thing to think about but death is the only sure thing in life, so its needs to be addressed.

He's of the persuasion of life today, don't worry about tomorrow,he will eat a weeks supply of yogurt in a day, so now i dont bother getting any. Am i being selfish or unreasonable, because he says i am.

He wanted to buy a push bike so i could have the car,saw one on ebay,but I was busy filling in his court forms to claim bank charges, while he sat and watched telly, he took the day off work to take the form to the court, which i could have done, the bike didnt sell so i got in touch with the seller and asked if they would sell the bike for the opening bid and that we would pay their fees as well, they agreed so he went and got the bike that night. Now if i was a selfish cow i didnt have to do that, could have made him go without, but no I always put everyone before myself and get called selfish!!!!!! Well I am going to be selfish from now on, if thats the behaviour everyone understands and accepts.

My son is growing tall and whenever OH sees him in jeans he says "they are a bit short aren't they" WELL GO AND BUY HIM SOME NEW ONES THEN!!!
I don't care anymore, i am so unhappy that i would gladly walk away and leave him with everything including the kids and not ask for anything.

I only get child benefit, of which i pay £40 off my credit card bill, the rest I have to budget for three weeks to make sure there is milk and bread for the kids and to have a little extra for school trips, nappies etc.

I try and get stuff from freecycle, i just cant pull the belt any tighter.

glenstan

i have been married for 34 years and thought i had seen it all, until last week when my retired hubby rang me, whilst i was helping to look after my poorly granchild. he asked, if i was out and about could i get some milk and bread as he had run out . I was 5 miles away he was 500 yards away from the shop. After this call I realized I maybe I had been looking after him a little too well. Throughout our marriage when he has said, I am fed up with this or that I have always retorted, well your feet are not nailed to our floor , but strangely enough they still are. Since he retired i have asked many questions,
my favourite being does he think windows are sexist? they must be because the male in our house never touches them.

scoobydo_2

Heads up ladies the MEN have started a get your own back thread ...... Why are men so childish ??? lol

hobo28

glenstan wrote:

i have been married for 34 years and thought i had seen it all, until last week when my retired hubby rang me, whilst i was helping to look after my poorly granchild. he asked, if i was out and about could i get some milk and bread as he had run out . I was 5 miles away he was 500 yards away from the shop. After this call I realized I maybe I had been looking after him a little too well.

Hey, well it cuts both ways. My OH rang me last week to ask me to pick up some milk and a bottle of wine on my way home. I pointed out that she was at work and said place of work is a supermarket! Surely it would be easier for her to get it than me!?!?!?! If that doesn't prove my OH is spoilt, I don't know what does!

Horasio

I think if anyone is thinking of getting married, they should read the men and women threads:D