Problem,me and my son

January20

Rikki wrote: »

I don't see why?

In the dictionary B******d is a person born of unmarried parents, an illegitimate child.

I feel the same about children born out of wedlock. Some of us do hold old fashioned values. Not a word we use verbally that way any more but it still describes a person born out of wedlock

That may be so in the dictionary but it would be very naive to say that the majority of people who use this term do it with the definition in mind. Mostly, this word will be used as a nasty, derogatory and demeaning term.

I see myself as very open minded and tolerant, but I was still shocked at the use of this word - particularly in the context of this thread. Poor child!

I'm also shocked that there are still some people who are ashamed of births out of wedlock. I feel like we've gone back 60 years or so

Sambucus_Nigra

We are ALL related to people who were born out of wedlock; does that mean those religious types should throw themselves under a train as they can't stand the ridicule?

Once upon a time, there was no such thing as being married....but there were still babies.

Mojisola

Your son's behaviour is unacceptable and I don't think it's doing anyone in the family any good having him still living at home. You all sound trapped in a nasty situation and someone has to break it.

Could it be the move at 14 that completley threw him off-balance? Have you ever discussed with him how he felt about it? Have you ever tried family counselling to see where the problems lie in your relationships with each other.

zarazara wrote: »

the only good thing is he insists on contact with his son.

zarazara wrote: »

my grandson is a b****rd. people dont like me saying this,its politically incorrect, but its true and its shameful for me to go down the village to the shops and things having people knowing what a disgrace my eldest don is to us.

zarazara wrote: »

the way i am dealing with it is to ignore grandchild,pretend everythings ok and hope and pray that son will pull himself together.

You can see that it is a good thing that he wants to keep contact with his son but you call the same child a !!!!!!! and refuse to see him. While it is technically a description of his birth state, can you not see how talking of the child this way could be be very hurtful to your son. By not seeing him and not accepting him as your grandson, it feels as if you are blaming the child. Do you believe that he is tainted because his parents weren't married?

You have this - "The purpose of Life is to spread and create Happiness" - at the bottom of your post. Could you not try to love your grandson and give him some happiness?

carefullycautious

Rikki wrote: »

I don't see why?

In the dictionary B******d is a person born of unmarried parents, an illegitimate child.

I feel the same about children born out of wedlock. Some of us do hold old fashioned values. Not a word we use verbally that way any more but it still describes a person born out of wedlock

Speechless

z1a

"the way i am dealing with it is to ignore grandchild,"

I would say that your son is treating you exactly as you deserve!

zarazara

we had to move as when my husband lost his job the house went too,it was a tied cottage. we could have stayed in the area but,as a family,after much discussion,we decided that a move to an new area was in order, we looked upon it as an opportunity,not a disaster. We were all pleased and still are about where we now live,my husband has found employment and we manage financially ok. re grandsons birth status. I use the term b****rd to mean he was born out of wed lock. Not his fault,of course,in fact he seems a nice little boy. However, I wanted,like most mothers,the best for my sons,and still do,that means a decent life style,job and marriage. For example, both me and my husband have only ever slept with each other and wouldnt dream of infidelity,neither would either of us have even thought of sleeping around before marriage. Marriage is a sacred state in our oppinion. We are apalled at the way a lot of youngsters behave, drink,debt,sleeping around. We both feel our grandson is highly disadvantaged ,being born out of wedlock and now coming from a broken home. I suspected there would be problems when I learned early on that the childs mother is from a broken home herself. Like mother like daughter. I am only thankful my own dear parents are now dead and dont have this heartbreak to endure. I manage emotionally by pretending my grandson doesnt exist as I canot reconcile the awfulness of what his future life will be, his mother already has another boyfriend and is sleeping with him unmarried. it all goes from bad to worse. I am trying my best to get my son on the straight and narrow path which will lead to contentment and self esteam. So no,it wasnt the house move that caused a problem. Just an unrulely teenager living in an amoral society. Today there has been some progress, his friend collected him to go out instead of him asking me to take him and he opened a tin and cooked his own dinner after work,this i'm not keen on as its my job to cook and clean,but i suppose its ok.

Sambucus_Nigra

Dear oh dear.

I come from a broken home and have a great life - how unbelievably patronising.

balletshoes

Wow OP, just - wow. Its not often I read posts on MSE where I just can't get my head around the mindset of the poster, but with your last post on this thread, you've managed it.

You have spent this thread moaning about running around after your DS, how he never does anything/has a drink problem/begrudges you and your husband anything - and then as soon as he does get a bit of gumption about him and starts doing things for himself without asking for your help, you're not happy about that either!

As to your opinion on today's amoral society - fair enough, thats your opinion and you're entitled to it. You're not entitled to force it down your adult offsprings throats though, and I have to say, thank all the gods that you are not my parents. My mum is religious, her church and her faith gives her a lot of strength and support, but not once did she ever go on at me the way you believe is your right to, about my choices as an adult (and yes, that included having a child before I got married).

A child of a broken home and how that will affect his life? He is blighted because his parents aren't married and don't live together? Seriously? Blimey - words fail me.
If you really believe that to be the case, you are better ignoring your grandson's existence - you are doing him a great favour by staying out of his life with your negativity.

The best thing your son can do is get out on his own, and hopefully he'll realise this a lot sooner than later.

thatgirlsam

I feel your Grandson is highly dis-advantaged too

By having you as a Grandparent.

I feel sorry for the little boy.

thatgirlsam

Rikki wrote: »

I don't see why?

In the dictionary B******d is a person born of unmarried parents, an illegitimate child.

I feel the same about children born out of wedlock. Some of us do hold old fashioned values. Not a word we use verbally that way any more but it still describes a person born out of wedlock

I am shocked by this Rikki

My children are born out of wedlock

Does this makes them some sort of second class citizen in your view?

I am not religious and do not particularly believe in marriage so I did not feel the need to be married when I had them

What do you mean that you 'feel the same' about children born out of wedlock???