Do I have SIL's child? **AN UPDATE**

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

Spendless - i think they have been using condoms but AFAIK bro believed she had some form of contraception too

kerrypn

Mimi I ve read all through the thread, and just wanted to say I really honestly believe you have made the best decision for everyone, even if they dont realise it now.

And congratulations!! Your baby is very lucky to be getting such a lovely mummy as you!!

Spendless

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel wrote: »

Spendless - i think they have been using condoms but AFAIK bro believed she had some form of contraception too

Then hopefully it's a false alarm.

pigpen

Well if she is refusing all contraception maybe your brother ought to go get the snip!

I understand where she is coming from with most contraceptive options.. I am very limited in what I could use and it does make things complex.. but it does sound like she is being very very silly. there really should be circumstances where people should be forced to be sterilised..

Silly silly pair of them!

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

Theres no reason why she cant have depo/coil/implant/operation - shes just making excuses IMHO - from what i know, the only pills she takes are depression tablets - you could still have pill with them surely?

Yes bro could have the snip - but then, it works both ways - it shouldnt just be up to one of them to safe guard against pregnancy when they KNOW they wont be allowed to keep the kids

And agree with the forced sterilisation - it'll never happen tho. UK is too PC to force it.

Savvy_Sue

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel wrote: »

Normally i wouldnt bother over an item but the cot was my DD's - and as hey never officially used it i'd like it back (more sentimental than anything) and plus - Its one less thing i need to buy then lol New mattress and a lick of paint and away we go

OK, I understand. Will your Mum be able to ask and get it back? Is it worth talking to your brother?

lilac_rainbow

what an emotional thread, it's been like a rollercoaster. Going back to your original dilema - I would have taken the child in but then, I have 2 children already and my head definitely doesn't rule my heart :undecided but that is just me.

I actually find it tragic that they are having another child that will be removed from their care but in all honesty I don't understand how it's simply because of their mental health statuses if the children were not being neglected or harmed. Was the baby in question taken into care? Sorry, I don't recall reading that bit but was desperate to get to the end so will have to go back to see where I missed the most important part of the thread.

Last but by no means least, congratulations on your pregnancy, may you have a very happy and healthy 9 months

EDT: Sorry, found it, you do need to do what is right by you and yours and i truly think it's difficult for anyone to know what they would do without being in the same position

I wont repeat everything i have already put, and believe me, it has been a tough decision and for the rest of my life this is what i will have to live with, that ultimatley, i let a child go into care or be adopted. I'll not forget the child and always wonder how they are but i'll stand by my decision

jellyhead

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel wrote: »

And agree with the forced sterilisation - it'll never happen tho. UK is too PC to force it.

It can't be forced, but they could be persuaded. I know someone who has adopted her children and apparently after 4 babies the mother was gently persuaded that sterilisation would prevent further heartbreak for her, because she would never be allowed to keep a baby and she didn't seem able to prevent pregnancies.

Of course it depends on the reasons the babies are taken away - for some parents there's a chance that their circumstances will change and they will be able to learn to be a good parent.

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

SIL has some genetic disorder - i cant remember the name of it - but shes not really aware of danger etc - This has been passed onto her kids. Brother has schizo and is easily led. SIL was already known to SS because of her past so they was already monitoring her. They took steps to remove the children, not because they had been hurt but because they was worried hey would be (IYKWIM) SIL an bro can still have supervised access. Older children have gone back to their father's families. One child is with my family, and the youngest is with a foster home. SIL hasnt been through since she told me she might be so will need to wait and see what happens.

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

jellyhead wrote: »

It can't be forced, but they could be persuaded. I know someone who has adopted her children and apparently after 4 babies the mother was gently persuaded that sterilisation would prevent further heartbreak for her, because she would never be allowed to keep a baby and she didn't seem able to prevent pregnancies.

Of course it depends on the reasons the babies are taken away - for some parents there's a chance that their circumstances will change and they will be able to learn to be a good parent.

No, they've been told they will never get kids back and that only chance is when the children are 16 and if they ask to go back (which is doubtful aqs they wont know their mum and dad, except one)

I dont think she'll be persuaded either - she keeps saying she hates operations. Not sure if Bro will be snipped