Worry about leaving my son :((

Gigglepig

I think your feelings are completely normal, but I would go ahead with the holiday and leave him at the gran's house having fun with cousins. It may be difficult for both you and your son to be apart for a weekend trip for the first time, but you may as well both get used to it sooner rather than later. I think you're doing your son a favour as well by going away occasionally without drama, this will help him be more independent in the future.

lisaloo1977

I know, your right!!! It's just he is only 4 and a half! He is my baby and I do worry about him facing the world without mummy and dad because we decided to take a break without him that ended in disaster.... Far fetched I know, but still this stuff happens. you can NEVER say NEVER. God I'm an idiot!!!!!

Thanks everyone for your advice

lisaloo1977

Oh and it's a huge fear of flying, that I developed when my son was born, nada before that. I have it down that it's not being in control of the situation, your giving yourself to someone else and nothing you can do can change that. I don't like that feeling, however I suck it up and get on with it. this is just first time since his birth that he is not with us. This means if something goes wrong he is on his own in life and that's scares and upsets me ((
I don't want to be clingy mummy and he has been on school trips to pantos etc and I was on edge but dealt with it fine.

peachyprice

We've always gone away for a week or a couple of weekends every year since our children were very young, 18 months or so. Nothing bad has ever happened, infact they've missed us less than we've missed them. I couldn't go longer than a week though, I do start to miss them by the last day.

For us as a couple this time is very important, it's great, just once a year, to be ourselves, not mum or dad, and to be able to spend time spoiling just ourselves 24/7. for 51 weeks of the year our children come first.

I think it's good for them too, to know that if we go away we're coming back, it's helped them be more independent and they've had great times without us, it's lovely to come back when they're full of wonderful stories of what they've been up to.

SkintGypsy

You are not alone! My girl is five and now at school. Holidays are taking a bit fandangling so inlaws are taking her to their house three hours away to look after her for a week. I'm dreading it. They were going to keep her for two, but husband stepped in and asked if they could mind her here or I may have a breakdown. Baby steps.

KiKi

Hi OP

I don't have kids so can't say I've been in your place, although I can understand your fears. However, what I would say is that if you don't do THIS trip, it becomes easier and easier to stop doing other trips, and to never do this in the future when he's 7, 10, 12, 15 (and not 4.5). It's so important for him to develop and grow and learn to be without you sometimes. Don't transfer those fears to him.

In addition, you have an amazing husband, and despite how much you both love your child, don't ignore his needs of having some alone time with you, either. He may fully understand what you're feeling, but I bet there's a part of him that's crushed that he did something so lovely and you don't want to go and be alone with him. I wish someone would do something amazing like that for me!!

Conquering those fears for four days could do you and him and your son the world of good!!

KiKi

Savvy_Sue

lisaloo1977 wrote: »

When did you first leave your child.

My baby was 2: grandparents took the older two, babe went to friends and we flew off to France. Very scary! But if we hadn't done it then, how old would they have been?

lisaloo1977 wrote: »

Am i being stupid, I just love him so much if something were to happen it's unthinkable ((

You are not being stupid, but why not stop thinking about it? At the moment you are just feeding the fear. You don't have to do that. Concentrate on the ball your DS will have while you're away, the great time you'll have in NYC, and the wonderful DH who has arranged this for you.

January20 wrote: »

It's very unlikely that the unthinkable will happen! Actually the unthinkable could happen as you are crossing the road. Are you going to stop crossing the road then? You can't live you life in a bubble for fear of what might happen! You only live once.

What she said.

I've mentioned before the old Chinese proverb: you can't stop the birds landing on your head, but you can stop them nesting in your hair. Consciously move your thinking on rather than concentrating on the panic!

sjc3

You sound a fab mum, who deserves this break of a lifetime. I can really empathise with how you feel though. My daughter was about 2 when we first had a long weekend away. She too stayed with her grandparents and had a blast. As much as I knew she'd be okay and have loads of fun I felt very torn about it like you do.

Its part of them growing up though and becoming resilient. As they grow you gradually have to let them have experiences away from you. Take that big jump, let him have a fab time with your family and go off and enjoy this amazing trip hubby has planned.

Spendless

My daughter was born when my son has just turned 3, and at the same time the family members who helped out with DS had serious health problems, and were no longer able to help.

I can remember saying to DH when DD was a few years old, that I'd never been away from the children other than when I'd been admitted to hospital! DH was quite surprised by that as he'd been away from them a lot o/night (admittedly thru work quite often).

Eventually family health matters improved, and the kids grew older and needed less 'care' and we were able to go away though that's never been for more than 2 nights. Nowadays cos DS goes away with Scouts/school we tend to go away at the same time, so babysitting is only needed for 1 child. We went away last w/end due to DS being away on a residential trip.

So look at it this way. What if in a few years time your mum (or other family members) are no longer able to have your child for a few days? You'd have missed out on this opportunity with your husband and it might be a long time before you'd got another chance.

I am a worrier by nature and I have to make a consious effort if I start dwelling on 'what if...' that I immediately tell myself it is an irrational fear coming thru and I need to switch it off. (I hope one day, to not get them come thru, but for now telling it to go away as soon as it appears is ok).

Go, enjoy yourself, tell your DS what a fab time he'll have at Grannys and seek some sort of therapy for your new scare of flying.

julie03

you are so lucky to go and see that show, especially with Billie Joe as lead, praying it comes to london.

just keep in regular contact with your son, im sure everything will be fine and god knows why we get this irrational fears when we have kids.