Worry about leaving my son :((

lisaloo1977

Ok,

I have a son aged 4 and a half, he tells me the half is important.:rotfl:

My husband and I share the same birthday and as we are already abroad for a christening on the actual date, he decided to book a 4 night break to NY for me and him as a birthday surprise.

Now I have to add in I'm quite the green day fan and Bille Joe is playing the lead in the broadway show American idiot, we have 3rd row seats and my hubby did all this as a suprsise

Here comes the problem. Whilst I travel all over the world, we all travel as a family and it's all great, I do go through the control issues and fear now I am a mum. And I'm terrified to leave my son behind :eek:

He is going to my parents house and will have a blast with his cousins who he does not get to see as often as we would like because of distance. He has asked his dad if he is not coming with us because we dont like him enough

I'm torn between amazing gift from hubby, chance to see a fave person of mine live on broadway and leaving my boy behind...

This sounds stupid, but I just think what if something bad occurred and he lost his parents (dramatic I know) but totally how I am feeling. Less than two weeks to go and I can't sleep thinking about leaving him, I'm worried sick, being pathetic.

Options are take him with us, not end of world money wise and Marriott will babysit for our show night.
Cancel whole thing lose about £1200.
Go without him and be brave!!!! I'm never brave and I'm def a person who worries so not sure this option would result on me being on the plane!!!

When did you first leave your child. Am i being stupid, I just love him so much if something were to happen it's unthinkable ((

Caroline_a

My older 2 girls used to go and stay with my mum and dad (200+ miles away) during the easter and summer holidays for around a couple of weeks, from about aged 4 and 6. They loved it, were spoilt rotten, and everyone was happy. Grandparents got to see them, kids got to see grandparents and get spoilt and I and hubby had a bit of a break. I would say play your trip down, and emphasise how great it will be for your son, say you thought about taking him but didnt want him to get bored so as a special favour to him he is staying with grandma.

And then you 2 go off and have a blast! It's rare enough when you have kids anyway, let alone as a surprise from hubby!

lisaloo1977

Oh, can I say he will love it at nanny and granddads house. Spoilt rotten and fab times, he is just a mummies boy and would rather be with me!

It's me, I have the horrible what if thoughts, you know the plane goes down and beloved son becomes orphan is uprooted from school and friends to live with others in another town and all with out me to hold his hand... Urghhhh I'm pathetic? I'm thrilled by the thought of the trip, but the reality is you can never say never and is it worth the very slim chance it could go so wrong!!!!

Yep I'm a cheery sole this night, it's just I'm struggling and right now it's unlikely I will be on the flight. I've asked for flight taxes back which is 125 each and then would lose the tickets to American Idiot on broadway, I've no idea how I would get money back as they are non refunterable.

January20

I totally understand how you feel as when my dd was 4 she went to my parents in France for a holiday by herself. She also had to travel alone with them on a plane. She loved it! forgot me and her dad pretty quickly lol!

It will be hard to leave him but it will be good for him to spend some time with his cousins, away from you both and it will give you and your husband some very valuable time as a couple. And after all you don't want a child who is so dependant on you that he cannot enjoy time away from you. The younger he is when you start, the better for him really.

It's very unlikely that the unthinkable will happen! Actually the unthinkable could happen as you are crossing the road. Are you going to stop crossing the road then? You can't live you life in a bubble for fear of what might happen! You only live once.

balletshoes

OP I understand how you feel, my daughter was 4 nearly 5 I think the first time she went away with my sister for nearly a week in the Easter holidays, and she was fine, enjoyed being with her cousins etc but she did miss me and she did get a little upset at bedtime a couple of nights (but Auntie's hugs helped a lot ). I missed her like crazy and just wandered around the house feeling lost (I had to work, thats why I wasn't with her). She never said anything like did we not like her enough was that why she wasn't with us, and I'll be honest, if she'd said it more than once at that age I don't think I would have let her go.

But theres nothing wrong with children spending time with their other relatives away from parents for short stays - mine and all her cousins have done it from about the age of 5, they do get used to it and they don't hold it against you - they have fun.

What would be your first preference regarding your son and your trip?

belfastgirl23

You could look at it the other way round. What if you and hubby were killed in a car crash and bubs survived. Wouldn't you prefer that he'd spent time on his own at his nanny's before so that he could cope a little better? Not being morbid here but you're much more likely to die on the roads than in the air.

I'd say that your fears actually mean that you HAVE to take the trip. You know that your fears are not rational, they're separation anxiety. And my understanding is that this is something you need to get over anyway with a child. So why not just decide to grit your teeth and do it now...

BTW your husband sounds fab!! The other reason to go is that if you don't, he'll never ever risk doing something like this for you again...

lisaloo1977

I would have him come with us. Not my husbands idea of heaven!!!! It's not that he loves him less, he just is able to rationalise things and IM not!

I don't know we travel all over on planes and I panic, because of the control issue! But it's not enough, yet to stop me taking the flights. this is different though as, the munch is not with us and whilst it will be fab to have us time and have fun in the city..... I can't get past that bloody plane flight. I hate it, I hate they go so high, that you are so out off control and so many people are needed to have trust in. I do know it's a safe way to travel, it's just I'm a klutz and if that's going to find someone it's going to be me.

I'm no further on, guess I wanted a yes I would go and infact i have left my beloved at home whilst I went off on a trip. Fair play to you guys, I bloody wish I was that brave /:

dizzyblonde82

Me and my husband went away to lanzarote for a week when our son was 2 1/2, I was really worried about leaving him with my mum but he had a fantastic time and when we called him on the second day of our trip he didn't have time to talk to us as he was far too busy having fun!

I would definately go away, sounds like a fantastic suprise that your husband planned, mine wouldn't dream of booking even a night in a travelodge for us lol!

lisaloo1977

I think I need to point out that it's me not my boy, he will be fine at nanas.... Me I i will be refusing to board the flight at heathrow.... Urghhhh where did all these super protective feelings come from. oh yeah I got them when I became a mum and everything I want to do now I guilt myself about doing it, for fear of the worst situation possible happening.

I'm pathetic, I'm well aware ((( but I do love my boy very much, maybe a little to much.

January20

lisaloo1977 wrote: »

I'm no further on, guess I wanted a yes I would go and infact i have left my beloved at home whilst I went off on a trip. Fair play to you guys, I bloody wish I was that brave /:

It's not just being brave. It's helping your son grow up and develop to the day when he will have to leave you to live his own life.

You say he is a mummy's boy. What if you transfer your anxiety about being separated onto him and he finds himself unable to make the most of the opportunities that will present themselves to him because he will have to be away from you?

For instance, nowadays, school provide the opportunity of school trips to very young children (Y3-4). What if you actions today mean that in the near future he won't want to go on such trip? How will that affect his development, his friendships, the way other kids see him?

For me, it wasn't being brave letting my dd go away on her own, it was starting her development into what she has become: an independent young adult.

My parents didn't do that for me. When I was 10-11, I still couldn't go and stay at my grandparents because I missed home. When I was 12 my grandparents died. How I regret now that I didn't spend more time with them!

belfastgirl23

If it's more about a fear of flying, I've successfully used hypnosis for that...might be worth a try. Also rescue remedy pastilles they do really take the edge off these kind of fears. And soduku to keep the hands and the mind busy

The problem is that the more you don't do things because you're afraid of them, the more afraid you get!