Worry about leaving my son :((

Spendless

pinkclouds wrote: »

Don't be silly! I would never leave my kids behind to go on vacation and neither would my parents. I don't see the point in pretending to be a childless couple when we're not and us and the kids would miss each other too much. It wouldn't even occur to me to go to a restaurant sans kids unless it was explicitly agreed. You sound just like me.

However, if the OP and various other posters are happy to leave their kids with appropriate carers for a week or two, then that's okay too. The important thing is that the kids are being well cared for and are totally safe and secure.

I don't think (m)any of us have mentioned a week or 2. In my case we have never been away for more than 2 nights.

Re, the restuarant since it was me mentioned it. We were parents within 8.5 months of marriage, so have had very little married couple 'alone' time. We have had limited family help via babysitting due to their own work, health, old age and other committments. Consequently our only way of being able to be out has usually been via the 'hired help' route. The restaurant me and DH attended was once during a weeks stay whilst the kids were at an evening kids party of their own thru the holiday camp for 2 hours that the kids wanted to attend. Yes, I did enjoy it. For 2 hours we were able to indulge in an adult conversation and enjoy each others company without having to have our 'parents hat' on.

I am not justifying myself, since it is clear you are not critisising others choices. Just explaining why people choices are not always clear cut as to why they will/won't do something.

lilac_rainbow

These kids of threads will always get a huge range of opinions

OP, it is unnerving going away without your children so try not to freak out too much. Tbh, it sounds more of an adult trip anyway so it might be better if he did stay at home, you know he will be well looked after and will probably have a better time here than there I do think there's a lot to be said for a little bit of child-free time together as a couple

mummyroysof3

DUTR wrote: »

You would be an awful parent if you passed on the negativities to your children, Nenen earlier in the thread has summed it up well in the 1st line.
:cool:

what negativities?

DUTR

mummyroysof3 wrote: »

what negativities?

The negativities expressed in the original post, the children are young now but sooner or later there comes a time when they will have to be away from their parents for more than a few hours over even days.
There is a guy at work aged 62 still lives with his Mum, I don't think it has done him any favours

mummyroysof3

exactly, they are young now...so they should be with us- thier parents. they obvoiusly go to nursey/school and go to a few family members houses on ocasions but when they are older they can maybe stay at their grandparents or go on school trips.

parents who want their children home with them are not bad parents same as parents who have them stay with reletives arent bad parents...just because at age 6, 7, 8 whatever they havent slept at someone elses house it doesnt mean they will be here at 62

DUTR

mummyroysof3 wrote: »

exactly, they are young now...so they should be with us- thier parents. they obvoiusly go to nursey/school and go to a few family members houses on ocasions but when they are older they can maybe stay at their grandparents or go on school trips.

parents who want their children home with them are not bad parents same as parents who have them stay with reletives arent bad parents...just because at age 6, 7, 8 whatever they havent slept at someone elses house it doesnt mean they will be here at 62

I see what you mean but do not fully agree, in the case of the OP, like others suggest she should take the trip, we see too many stories where Mum 'forgets' about the courting n stuff once the wedding ring is on and/or children arrive and then somewhat puzzled when hubby runs off with some 'fluzie' , in the case of the OP they deserve quality adult time alone and the child(ren) will be in in good hands with people that love them .
I'm sure with the chap at work no one envisaged him still being a mommys boy at 62, there is no finite number to be away from the parents , somehow I can imagine he was still taken to university wearing shorts and a cap before graduation day

mummyroysof3

i guess its good that me and my hubby both feel the same way about it then, if he was the sort of man to run off with another woman just because i wouldnt leave our young children for a night then i wouldnt be with him

If the OP is happy to go and her child is going to be happy and well looked after then great i hope she has a lovely time...it just isnt something i would do...and there is nothing wrong with either way...as long as the children are happy

Nenen

Hi again Lisaloo

Your reply to my post was good as it explained a lot more about your situation that was not really apparent in your first post - IMHO one problem with internet forums is that what the poster means to say and what the readers assume from reading the post are often two very different things!

In your OP you mentioned having control issues and fears since having your son (in common with loads of mums including me) and asked 'When was the first time you left your child?' To me that implied that you had never left your son before, (which from your reply to my post is obviously not the case) hence my original response assumed that you were being like my m-i-l, which is now obviously far from true!

In the same way, I certainly did not mean to imply that if you did not go on this trip then your husband would leave you, rather that, had you been the sort of woman my m-i-l was and always put your children before your husband, then in the long term this can damage the relationship sometimes beyond repair. I happen to believe that one of the most important things we can do for our children (along with loving them, keeping them safe and supporting their development) is to work hard to keep the relationship between their parents as strong and loving as possible. Of course this is utopian but I truly believe it is what we should aim for. From the way you've written about your chats with your husband over this issue it certainly sounds like you are ticking all these boxes!

Please correct me if I am wrong, but from your recent posts I think your problem is not leaving your son for a few days per se (which is what lots of people assumed from your OP) but flying without him. I can really understand this as, before I had my children, I used to compete in three day events with my horse - quite a dangerous sport - without many qualms. However, after I had them, all my maternal instincts kicked in and I never managed to overcome my fears enough to continue competing to the same level. Like you, I was full of all the 'what if....s' and was far more risk averse! In the competitive world, a moments hesitation makes all the difference between winning and losing! I do manage to enjoy riding at a rather gentler pace whenever I got the chance though!

I really hope that you manage to 'feel the fear and do it anyway'! Best of luck for a wonderful time.

Savvy_Sue

lisaloo1977 wrote: »

It's not just someone you have barely met though, it's someone who is trained in childcare and who works at the hotel for that reason.

I watch plenty of parents drop their child off at hotel children's clubs and go off to do things offsite or just lie by a pool. I don't see any of them worrying about doing it?

I may have misunderstood: if there are planned group activities it's a different thing to leaving a child with a babysitter. Qualified or not I liked to have met babysitters, and I liked the boys to have met them, and I liked to feel comfortable about it. We never went to hotels where there were such activities: the best you got was a baby monitor which I didn't feel comfortable about.

mummyroysof3 wrote: »

I wish i hadnt looked at this thread now, bet you lot will have me down as an awful parent as the longest ive been away from mine is about 6 hours and never overnight, they are 1, 3 and 5 lol

Not at all: however if a chance of a lifetime was presented to you, with childcare sorted with people you knew you could trust, who loved and were loved by the children, I hope you'd want to take it.

actually it sounds as if the fear of flying is the big thing for the OP, so that's the thing I'd want to concentrate on, if it was me. I usually have DH's hand tight in mine on take off and landing, but I've had to do a few flights where he's not been sitting next to me, and I stay in my book!

mummyroysof3

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

Not at all: however if a chance of a lifetime was presented to you, with childcare sorted with people you knew you could trust, who loved and were loved by the children, I hope you'd want to take it.

well i dont think that would ever happen tbh due to alot of things that have happened when i have let other people look after the kids, it now doesnt happen often