Worry about leaving my son :((

mountainofdebt

I think, reading some of these threads,I must be a terrible mum becuase even when Junior was the OP's son's age if my OH had made the effort to arrange a trip like the one on offer, I would be on the plane without a seconds thought.

Violetta_2

But if worst was to happen (which it won't) wouldn't you rather son was safe at the grandparents, than at the bottom of the ocean with you. You aren't being silly, you will miss him, he will miss you but probably only a wee bit & think of how big those cuddles are going to be when you see him again & all the stories you can tell each other about your trip his stay at the grandparent's. Have a brilliant birthday & buy him something nice from NY.

JC9297

You don't love your child more than other parents love their children, you say a couple of times how much you love him - as if to say it's easier for other parents because they don't love their child as much. It is just that you are unable to rationalise the fear that something could happen to you whilst you are away from him, this is what you need to work on. The risk is minimal, as others have said you are more likely to die in a car crash and as someone else said if the unimaginable did happen would it make it better if he was with you?

Yes, you could take him and still have a great time but it wouldn't be the special time your lovely husband planned for just the two of you.(Are you sure you'd be happy leaving him in the care of unknown hotel staff whilst you went out, this would worry me more than leaving him at home with my mum.)

motherofstudents

I absolutely understand how you are feeling. My children are in their twenties now and of course when they were growing up they went on school trips etc and it was never easy for me. But I would say go and enjoy yourself. If you never do things for yourself, with or without your husband, when they time comes for your son to move out, you will be lost. I know it sounds a long way off but it goes quickly. If you have a life for yourself, you will make it easier when that time comes. It is also better for your son's development to have little bits of independence. Have you left him overnight before ? If he is used to being with his cousins and staying with relatives he will be fine. I know it's a cliche but quality time is what matters. I would think of something nice you buy for him over there. I hope you decide to take the trip, I know you will enjoy it.

pulliptears

He'll be fine! Enjoy yourself!

As a sidenote, OH and I went to Paris to see The Darkness some years ago and left our then 6 year old DD with her Grandparents. At the time Grandad was retired and Nana working so it fell to Grandad to get her ready for school. She dressed herself, to Grandad's pride and off she went to school.

She arrived home from school that night and began to change out of her uniform, only to reveal her Pyjamas, still under her clothes...

Caroline_a

I think the fear of flying/disaster is something that can come when you have a child. You become much more aware of danger and the 'what if's'. I went through a phase when I didnt like flying much, but I convinced myself that I was on a bus, had a drink :beer:, and got my head into the films that were on the first time I flew after I got this irrational fear. If you are scared that something will happen to you and OH then you have to ask yourself if you two are never going to go in a car again, because that is far more likely to produce a disaster than a flight.

JodyBPM

If you want the best for your son, you will put YOUR issues to one side, and let him have a fab time with his grandparents.

If you are so insecure that you can't leave him for a few days, then take him, but it will be far less fun for you, your DH, and your DS. A lose:lose situation.

Do you love your DS and DH enough to put THEM first, rather than putting YOUR irrational fears first? Ask yourself that question.

Nenen

You are not stupid and of course you love your son, just as the vast majority of mothers do. However, as other posters have said, you need to be VERY careful not to pass your separation anxiety on to your son.

Having told your son you are going it is likely to be very confusing for him if you now change your mind - particularly if you say something like you can't bear to leave him as this really will cause psychological issues for him. Regarding him asking you if you don't love him enough to take him with you, you could tell him something like - of course Daddy and I love you VERY much but sometimes it is nice for us to spend special time together, just like mummy and *son's name* like doing x together and daddy and *son's name* like doing y together and *son's name* and best friend like doing z together... Mummy and Daddy also want to go to a special shop to choose you a present together while we are away.

My husband's mother couldn't bear to be parted from him and constantly worried about awful things happening to her so he became a very anxious little boy. By the time he was twelve, he started to resent his mother and their relationship became very strained. To be honest their relationship never really recovered as she never learned to let go and he found her attachment overbearing. His relationship with his father also suffered as his father got fed up with being constantly relegated to second place.

You mention how awful it would be for your son to be an orphan but it would be pretty horrid (and far more likely) for your son to be brought up by parents who have separated because you couldn't control your fears and have thrown an incredible present back in your husband's face. I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, I don't mean to be unkind, but sometimes you have to suffer pain yourself in order for your children to feel free to enjoy life to the full. You have already said your son will have a wonderful time at his grandparents - let him enjoy this without worry. Meanwhile, you go with your husband and have a super time!

Personally, my husband and I juggled very tight finances and tried to get away for a long weekend every couple of years from the time our youngest child was three (so old enough to explain where we were going and understand we would be back). This meant we maintained the importance of our marital relationship and this has been such a help now our three children are all independent and we're facing empty nest syndrome. Our three are all now adults (youngest still at university) and are well-balanced lovely young people with whom we have a great relationship. My dh and I have also managed to notch up 30 years of marriage this year! Come on - you CAN do this!

Savvy_Sue

JC9297 wrote: »

(Are you sure you'd be happy leaving him in the care of unknown hotel staff whilst you went out, this would worry me more than leaving him at home with my mum.)

Me too! Scary enough on the rare occasions we had a baby monitor in a hotel and we were downstairs with the children just upstairs, could not have left the building with them in the care of someone I'd barely met! And I'm one of the more laid back mums I know ...

lola34

I'm exactly the same about leaving my DS's and they are quite a bit older, I have a wandering mind that brings up 'every' sceanario, we have been away a few times without them and they regularly stay out at their Nanas, like other posters have put its good for them as a child I would rarely sleep away from home mine go away with school and all over which is good for them to become independent, I just text on a regular basis and I know it may seem awful to say but its a bit 'out of sight, out of mind' I worry more before they go, once they/ or we are away I don't worry as much!!!! Although it may seem hard to think about it now would you regret it if you didn't go? and besides you'll go and then talk about the little one for the full trip anyway and probably bring him back loads of pressies.