Stress / Anxiety - I need help!!

learning_to_drive

Yeah, spoke to IR this morning, taken leave today and tomorrow, well it's one and a half days worth, had a big chat with them about everything, I just need to go in Monday and train, it's 1-2-1 now cos I have just started.

It's not long, only til March, If I go in and just try to focus then I can get somewhere I think, still I dont know, its tough.

I need to sort things out, I just want to be in a job where I dont have to think all the time about problems out of work that I cant solve when Im in work, was the good thing about JS, I was always busy so never had time to worry about anything.

learning_to_drive

It's so so hard, I cant seem to be able to do a full week anywhere without taking time off. This then adds to my worries, I just dont know what to do.

I need to be able to chill out and not worry about work, but as Ive said its easier said than done when I am dreading going in, there is no rhyme or reason behind it, I cant explain why I dread it.

themaccas

I felt like you several years ago. We were living in a part of the UK where I hated, I was working full time for the civil service and started having panic/anxiety attacks because I hated my job and where we lived. I tried counselling and anti depressants but neither worked, I found it difficult to complete a day at work let alone a week, the work was far too easy and boring. Meanwhile work were getting more and more frustrated and fed up with me, I really wanted to leave but we couldn't afford it. Then my OH got posted with his job and we had to move 300 miles away. It was the best thing that happened, I got out of the environment I was in and was able to 'start again'. I got a part time job and thought about what I REALLY wanted to do. It took another 3 years but I embarked on a 3 year training course which cost quite a bit and contributed to the debt we now have but it was worth it. I am now in a job I love, I find it challenging, worthwhile, well paid earning 30K for 28 hours a week. I found having a focus careerwise and familywise helped me enormously. I no longer have anxiety or panic attacks and haven't had them for 10 years.

Life is never perfect and things won't improve for you until you find a focus that you stick to, having 'make do' plans won't work because they don't help you RIGHT NOW which is what you need. You need to decide whether you can cope with no money coming in or to stick with the job you have and once you have made your decision - stick to it. You say it is only until March but next March probably feels like 10 years away. At the moment all you can think of are the good points about JS but there must have been plenty of bad ones for you to leave. You will also find if you go back many of the faces will have changed as retail has a high turnover of staff. Anyhow I do wish you well in whatever decision you come to, it won't be easy either way.

learning_to_drive

themaccas, I've lost all my focus, I had a focus at Sainsbury's, I went in and I grafted, cleared the chiller, dealt with display issues, grafted, grafted and grafted. I loved it, the hustle and bustle, the "how is it 12:20 already" type of thing.

I don't have a focus at the minute, and you sort of encapsulate what I feel, March does indeed seem 10 years away, in fact Christmas seems 10 months away. I have always been happy in work, certainly at Sainsbury's I was stretched and fulfilled, that may sound daft but at least I wasn't bored, when I get bored I end up struggling because my thought process goes into overdrive and I start worrying about things that are bizarre.

I do need a focus though, you are correct in that thought, I don't know how long I could cope without money coming in, It would require working out. I am going to claim back bank charges and being matched betting, anything to keep income coming in. It's tough though, I need to work, If I dont work then I think I would find it very hard to get off the sick and back to work, that is my fear.

Hence me needing the "make do" plans.

themaccas

The other point I think I should make is something I found - to my cost. When I was having all the time off because I couldn't face going into work it really affected my sickness record and therefore when I applied for other jobs I found it difficult to get one at first because my references told all future employers about my sickness record. I think I should have given up work for a bit and gone back when I was ready as the way I was working (or not) did not do me any favours in the long run.

I'm not at all encouraging you to stop working I'm just trying to inform you that taking a day here a day or two off next week and the week after - they all add up and it won't be going unnoticed. For what it's worth I think you should commit to your present job, it has a lot of 'plus' points and from what you say they seem to be pretty good employers. However, only you can make the decision, good luck.
hugs

learning_to_drive

Current employers you mean Sainsbury's? If so they are not my current employers anymore! It's currently Inland Revenue, they are good, but the job isn't me I dont think, I have to question whether ive give it a good enough go, but it really does make me unhappy, I dread going in for no real reason.

I just want to be better, and a good employee, I would go back to Sainsbury's tomorrow, just so I was busy and could forget about my problems until I was at home where I would be able to deal with them.

themaccas

Hi LtD
I did mean the Inland Revenue, depite everything they seem good employers as most are in the civil service. They do tend to be more flexible and allow for more sickness than money-driven businesses, it's what I found anyhow.

learning_to_drive

It's true about the I.R. I think another problem is that I want everything yesterday, I cant hack training, I cant hack things that are slow paced, after seeking the advice of people on here I have secured 1-2-1 training that starts on Monday so hopefully I will be occupied at work.

I have also put out some feelers regarding Sainsbury's, even though I requested to go back as a supervisor, that chance has now gone because I gave back word when the tax office job came up (a symptom of me feeling high and thinking I could take any challenge on) I should have "been kind to myself" and gone back to Sainsbury's whilst I figure out what to do and whilst I get better, the job is something that I have to have sadly.

I have a car (£145 a month) Insurance (£112 a month) Broadband, Mobiles etc etc etc to pay off so working is a must for me, I couldn't afford to live without working, so that is my reason for doing what I am and continually posting for help, because I want to be better so that I can achieve things in life.

My debts aren't anything massive, I mean with some prudence, opening a second bank account (salary in there to effectively start again, smaller o/draft) matched betting, cutting contracts on mobiles, claming back bank charges I should have no problems in sorting everything out. Money is always an underlying issue with everyone, we never have enough.

learning_to_drive

Upped for any latecomers! Quite a saga for all concerned!

learning_to_drive

I think I've stumbled upon a reason as to why I'm struggling with work so much, I dont think I trust any new employers. After what happened with Sainsbury's, I put my personal life on hold to get up the ladder, worked so hard, missed countless nights out because I was working next day early and generally did a lot for the place. When I needed help (stressed out etc) they were nowhere to be seen, then I was put back to a band 2 colleague because I had "let the region down on their behalf".

So as a result, I struggle to get motivated anywhere to do anything now, and because ive lost my motivation and drive, its sort of what made me me, it was my point of difference to other supervisors. If I dont have that, I dont have anything, so then I cant motivate myself and then it all spirals from there.