Can I stop him going

WhiteHorse

Esoog wrote: »

a) So that's a no to the facts rather than anecdotal?

Court martials.

Why send the TA on mass abroad when there's no need?

Er, the current situation in Afghanistan doesn't look like a victory to me.

Whitehorse, the TA I suspect you knew of the late 80's early 90's that was a drinking club put together with the aim of being cannon fodder for the 3rd shock army no longer exists.

Ouch!

WhiteHorse

intranicity wrote: »

Totally agree, what is it you want to be then? Someone that has a clue what they are talking about would be a good aim!

*sigh*

Myself, I'd like to have a decent pension, money to have nice holidays etc, but I chose to serve and paid a price, not just in regards to my health but also my future earnings, but I'm proud that I did

No-one is suggesting that it should be otherwise.

So if you are asking if I'm a "Wannabe" regarding being in the military, no, because I have already had that honour!

Or that either!

The point being made is that war - contrary to what many think - is not a game. It's not a lads day out playing with big boys toys. The OP's ex-husband has made the wrong choice.

Were the country facing invasion, it would be different.

Esoog

WhiteHorse wrote: »

Court martials.


Er, the current situation in Afghanistan doesn't look like a victory to me.


Ouch!

Well I'll be !!!!!!ed if I'm going to trawl the courts martials records to settle an internet disagreement

samm1551

Not being funny, but he clearly made a choice for a reason that none of us, and probably the OP, doesn't really know. He might need the money, or he might actually want to go and serve his country and use his training. This might be an alien concept to some people (including my ex husband) but when people divorce sometimes they HAVE to take decisions that their exp's do not like.

Just to point out though I am not having a go at the OP merely pointing out a fact.

*pinkpanther*

To the OP i would totally disregard most of the total crap that has been thrown at you by people who know jack about dealing with children through a tour.
What your experiencing is pure fear of suddenly being left by yourself to be mum and dad and that has turned into anger and panic.
He has a job to do, nothing will change that. If he went about informing you the wrong way then thats a different issue all together.

You two obviously have arrangements for the kids so he needs to make other arrangements to cover his side of the child care. If what he has suggested you dont feel comfortable with then ask him to try something else untill you can come to an agreement and as you are both adults im sure you can both comprimise a little.

The kids will no doubt miss him and they may or may not be effected by his absence, unfortunatly thats just something you will have to deal with should it arrise.

Remember its not forever and its not a bad thing not wanting him to go, who in their right mind wants their childrens dad to disapear for 9 months.

susan1105

Pinkpather thank you very much you are right when I first posted I was in total fear of as you say being mum and dad even though we are not married he still their dad and him being gone for nine months will make a big difference to our lifes.

Ex is suppose to find out this weekend if he is going to go. I have now got to a point where I feel that I will deal with it, just feel sorry for the kids ex told eldest that he will be able to take him to disney afterwards if he goes but did not explain how long he would be gone for. I have since found out that he is in more debt than I first thought and I beleive this is a one of the main reasons for going.

I feel sorry for the twins who are five as when it comes to a friday and they ask if dad is picking them and I say yes one starts moaning I dread to think what their relationship will be like if he does goes, atleast the eldest can keep in touch with him on a reasonable level.

If he goes he goes we will deal with it.

*pinkpanther*

Yea, its always the kids who suffer the most but atleast while they are younger 9 months doesnt really have much meaning to them.

There is alot you can do to make sure he stays fresh in their memories. Like storybook soldier, where you can get him to record bedtime stories to them. If you look at shops like boots online you can get books made up of all your photos, perfect for their age, so much fun seeing daddy in a book. Best thing ive found so far is those digital photo frames as they double up as a night light and the kids drift off to pictures of their dad.

I know it must be like a kick in the teeth, you doing all the hard work to keep up his relationship with them but if it helps the ex money wise then that can only be a good thing for the kids too.

Either outcome can be positive if you get yourself into the right frame of mind. If he doesnt go then you can just carry on as before and you wont have to change your hours at work. If he does go then atleast he is doing something towards getting himself out of debt and as you say he is a good dad so ultimately it means the kids will get treated.

You'll be fine.

patanne

He may be a good dad but you have to be very careful here. Your younger 2 will probably not remember ever living with their father and one seems to be reluctant to visit him. You will be the one for nine months who is solely in charge of their behaviour etc & blaming you for him not being there and if you have to work fewer hours, then with less money. He is going to breeze back in after 9 months & treat them.

Mum = bad guy
Dad = source of treats

I'd make his girlfriend your new best friend - with the extra sweetener that he will probably hate that. After all this could be a way not just to pay off his debts but also to walk out on her.

BettiePage

patanne wrote: »

After all this could be a way not just to pay off his debts but also to walk out on her.

Ouch!.....

*pinkpanther*

They will remember living with him, if you both do your jobs properly as a parents, regardless of your feeling towards eachother then they will remember him like he was there yesterday.


Just concentrate on getting the kids through the tour without too much upset and you wont go far wrong.